I spend my days homeschooling.
I really love to teach my child. He enjoys learning at home, and he is thriving.
But there are so many myths and misunderstandings about homeschooling, so I thought I would put this out there in the blogosphere to clear up some of the biggest myths and assumptions I've heard.
These range from "those kids just sit at home and watch TV all day," to "the poor things are stuck in the house without any opportunity to socialize."
I am certain that there are some parents who homeschool because they think it's going to be easy. And I am certain that there are a very few, and I mean very few, because honestly, I don't know any, who allow their children to just sit in front of the TV all day.
I'm also certain that there are some who don't want their kids around other kids, and therefore their children really are stuck in the house without any opportunity to socialize. Well, sort of. I think even those families have an occasional opportunity to socialize. Church, family events, grocery store, library, something. And though I know one such family, it is only ONE of a whole lot of homeschooling families.
We can debate what is and isn't enough socialization, but I'd like to put forth the idea that socialization means different things to different people.
It's definitely the hot button topic for both those who have an opinion, but aren't homeschooling, and those who are homeschooling.
First, I don't think sitting in a classroom of 25+ kids who are your same age is true socialization. I don't think the Middle School experience that my older kids endured, nor the experience I've heard through friends and groups is true socialization, nor is it, in my opinion, healthy socialization. And as far as I'm concerned, I'm not so sure about high school, either. My own experience, and that of my older children, and adults I've spoken with, was not what I would call a real social experience. And from what I hear, it's not gotten any better with time. I've heard the debates about what those experiences can teach us.
My definition of true and healthy socialization includes opportunities to converse, spend time, and collaborate with people of all backgrounds, ethnicities, faiths, ages and socio-economic status. It includes disagreements, and opportunities to negotiate, compromise, and find ways to work out problems. That is my definition of true socialization. And that is what I strive for in our homeschool experience.
Sometimes we fall short. The age ranges aren't always as diverse as I would like. Ultimately I'd like my child to spend time with some kids of all ages, some adults, and some teenagers and older adults as well. We have a pretty diverse group of friends. We, ourselves would fit the "diverse" label. We have friends of various ethnicity and background. We seem to be missing out on the teen group, but Sean gets that in other places, like church and when he spends time at his dad's house.
But here's the crux of what I want to get out there to dispel these myths and assumptions and misunderstandings.
Homeschoolers do socialize. We, as in Sean and I, have so many social opportunities that I have to sometimes turn some of them down or we would never get a day of school. I've heard from others who say the same thing. This is especially true when our regular schooled friends are on holiday breaks.
There are also a lot of collaborative opportunities, and I have to constantly decide if they are going to enhance or detract from our lesson plan.
Our lesson plan might not look like a traditional lesson plan, but it is ours. Not everyone does use one, and that is OK. Homeschoolers use all kinds of curriculum. We happen to use a Montessori curriculum, but no one else in our social circle does. We know some people who use the public homeschool curriculum, others use a religious one, still others unschool, and some have cobbled together a variety of curricula to have what works for their children.
The other myth about TV all day, well that has been a topic of discussion in some online groups lately. You might be surprised to hear that some homeschooling families allow their children a couple of hours a day of TV, others allow 30 minutes, some use a bit of educational programming, and some don't even have a television. Hmm. Sounds pretty much like the general population, huh?
The beauty of homeschooling is that no homeschool looks like another. We homeschoolers do what works for us, and share ideas and tips, but we all follow our own way.
Fortunately, we live in an area where there is a large community of homeschoolers, and for that reason, our community at large is supportive. We take advantage of a lot of the classes and group activities for homeschoolers here. There are outdoor science classes, art, and local history classes. We've even hosted one ourselves that teaches outdoor skills and conservation. We've met new friends by hosting that class on our property.
But I also have the benefit of online groups. I am in several Facebook groups for Montessori homeschooling, and some for homeschooling in general. As a homeschooling mom it can be overwhelming, and lonely. I've found the online community to be such a blessing for me. When I first embarked on this journey, Sean was a first grader, and I was able to connect with a Montessori homeschool group on yahoo that saved me. Really. I was clueless, but that year I learned so much about the philosophy and curriculum.
This week Sean will be socializing during the class we host here, and after that class we both will socialize with the families. We will probably collaborate on some science with one friend.
And he will also have some screen time, though he doesn't watch TV by choice. He prefers Netflix, and video games. I limit both, and neither are allowed until school work is finished.
So that's a little glimpse into how we socialize, and how we deal with TV. And now I will get back to my research on the politics and government of Ancient Greece, gather more Greek root words and definitions, and study the Pythagoran Theorum for tomorrow's presentations. See how that all flows together? Ancient Greece (History), Greek root words (language), Pythagoran Theorum (Pythagorus was Greek) and a math lesson.
This really is fun.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Monday, November 3, 2014
Epic Field Trip
Wow, I went MIA there for a while.
We've been super busy, and we were out of town for a while in September. Here's why:
We stayed at River Rock Lodge, in Big Sky, Montana. It was about an hour from the West Entrance of Yellowstone. We spent three days there, and Yellowstone was as beautiful as I remembered.
From Wyoming we were headed to Idaho for a stop at Craters of the Moon.
Back to the van, and onward. Next stop: A ghost town called Silver City.
15 miles of dirt, rutted, rocky road back to the main highway, and we were off to Oregon to see the John Day Fossil Beds.
Might as well round out this trip about volcanoes and stop off at Mt. St. Helens on the way home, huh?
By the time we arrived at Mt. St. Helens the kids were really ready to be home. We didn't stay very long, just long enough to look around the visitor's center. Informative, by the way. And I heard there has been increased activity there. Yikes.
We've been super busy, and we were out of town for a while in September. Here's why:
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| Grand Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. |
From Wyoming we were headed to Idaho for a stop at Craters of the Moon.
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| Volcanic rock. |
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| Indian Tunnel, one of the lava tubes. |
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| Two happy kids hiking back from a great adventure. |
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| Sean loved the microscope at the Thomas Condon Paleontology Center. |
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| A leaf fossil we saw in a boulder on a trail. |
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| Sean and Lilly were interested in the seismograph. Any movement on the floor caused the needle to move. |
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Winding Down
It's been a great ride, but summer is coming to an end for us. We just attended an end-of-summer barbecue bash last night at our friends Nikki and Andrew's house.
We've enjoyed some great company, like when we hosted about 35 people for our Anniversary Party in June. I met a cousin of my mom's that was visiting from Montana, and we were so pleased to celebrate with our family and friends.
I've basked in the warmth of the sun as much as possible, and I've walked around the property and the yard taking in all of the sights and sounds. Birds, the horses next door, woodland critters that I hear rustling in the bushes but I can't see, squirrels chattering in the trees, and just today Sean and I watched a humming bird flit from one bloom to another on one of the flower bushes. We were so close, and it seemed to not notice us. But the birds here are kind of like that. They ignore us most of the time.
Sean has had a busy summer!-he's been playing hours upon hours of video games, lol. But really, he's participated in some day camps, and he's been doing chores around here. We've hung out with some friends. We took a trip to the Pacific Science Center with Sean's friend Paul and his mom, Nikki, and he did a chemistry and lego camp in July and August respectively. He went on a vacation to California last month and did some camping with his dad.
One thing we haven't done yet, that I plan to do in the coming week, is go to the beach! We used to go all the time.
Chuck has been super busy with the business, and that's a blessing and a curse. It's great that we can keep our crew working, but it sure is tough to find time to get away from it all.
As I write this post, I'm sitting on the couch with the windows cracked open, and it's almost 10:30 p.m. The night air is filled with fall.
I'm researching and gathering materials for the coming school year. We are homeschooling for 6th grade, and I'm excited to begin soon.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Gingers Unite
If you are a brunette, do you notice other brunettes on the street?
If you are blonde, do you take a second glance at another blonde at a boutique?
Redheads notice other redheads. Or at least I do. And when I see a little baby, or a young child with red locks, I can't help it, I automatically smile.
You see, we are rare. I think I was the only redhead in my classes in elementary school, and there were only a couple more in high school. There's some understanding between redheads. We know how rare we are, and we empathize with each other.
Unlike blondes, who are always purported to "have more fun," are described as "bomb shells," and are sought after as a prize or trophy by many men, redheads are not described in those ways. We aren't a top pick. We're seen as fiery, with quick tempers and strange ways.
And while a brunette can be "exotic" and beautiful, redheads tend to be, almost, feared. That is until we are somehow acceptable again.
We seem to come in and out of fashion like clothing styles. We cycle around every 25 years or so and become the fad.
Our shades of red can be anything from almost blonde to orange and everything in between. Some of us have pale skin, so pale it's almost translucent. Some have freckles so thick it's almost a skin tone, and others of us can actually tan, and do. Some have skin that tans dark, and have auburn hair and eyes to match. Some have green eyes, some have blue. And I read recently that the red hair and blue eyes combo is extremely rare. So if you're one of these, celebrate the unique treasure that you are!
As a redheaded child, I was made fun of, teased and called all sorts of names through high school. Pumpkin head, carrot top, red. Though some of these were tossed out as affectionate nicknames, more often they were a jab. (By the way, a carrot top is green, people. Just sayin'.)
Looking back I find it comforting that I never was tempted to die my hair. I didn't want to change it, even though no one else seemed to like the color. I embraced who I was, and though the name calling hurt my feelings a bit, I let it go, knowing that I was special and they just couldn't see it.
Almost every time I've gotten my hair cut, from the east coast to the west, the hairdresser has commented on my hair color, and how they just can't get that color in a bottle.
So here we are. It's 2014, and a spread in Vogue magazine is celebrating the beauty and mystique of redheads.
We're in again, my fellow gingers!
Enjoy it while it lasts, but when we lose favor don't fret. We've still got each other. If I pass you on the street, in the aisle at the grocery store, or waiting in line at a play, I'll give you that reassuring look of acceptance.
If you are blonde, do you take a second glance at another blonde at a boutique?
Redheads notice other redheads. Or at least I do. And when I see a little baby, or a young child with red locks, I can't help it, I automatically smile.
You see, we are rare. I think I was the only redhead in my classes in elementary school, and there were only a couple more in high school. There's some understanding between redheads. We know how rare we are, and we empathize with each other.
Unlike blondes, who are always purported to "have more fun," are described as "bomb shells," and are sought after as a prize or trophy by many men, redheads are not described in those ways. We aren't a top pick. We're seen as fiery, with quick tempers and strange ways.
And while a brunette can be "exotic" and beautiful, redheads tend to be, almost, feared. That is until we are somehow acceptable again.
We seem to come in and out of fashion like clothing styles. We cycle around every 25 years or so and become the fad.
Our shades of red can be anything from almost blonde to orange and everything in between. Some of us have pale skin, so pale it's almost translucent. Some have freckles so thick it's almost a skin tone, and others of us can actually tan, and do. Some have skin that tans dark, and have auburn hair and eyes to match. Some have green eyes, some have blue. And I read recently that the red hair and blue eyes combo is extremely rare. So if you're one of these, celebrate the unique treasure that you are!
As a redheaded child, I was made fun of, teased and called all sorts of names through high school. Pumpkin head, carrot top, red. Though some of these were tossed out as affectionate nicknames, more often they were a jab. (By the way, a carrot top is green, people. Just sayin'.)
Looking back I find it comforting that I never was tempted to die my hair. I didn't want to change it, even though no one else seemed to like the color. I embraced who I was, and though the name calling hurt my feelings a bit, I let it go, knowing that I was special and they just couldn't see it.
Almost every time I've gotten my hair cut, from the east coast to the west, the hairdresser has commented on my hair color, and how they just can't get that color in a bottle.
So here we are. It's 2014, and a spread in Vogue magazine is celebrating the beauty and mystique of redheads.
We're in again, my fellow gingers!
Enjoy it while it lasts, but when we lose favor don't fret. We've still got each other. If I pass you on the street, in the aisle at the grocery store, or waiting in line at a play, I'll give you that reassuring look of acceptance.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Gardens and Baskets and Bouquets, Oh YES!
The gardens are alive with color, brilliant reds, yellows, shades of pink, pristine white, and a hint of blue. I've hung baskets along our porches and the gazebo, wherever there is a hook, and in some cases added hooks ;)) Each one displays a hue of purple and white, pink and red.
My heart is happy. Our sun finally made its appearance, and it is steadily warming us as the day slips into evening. My Southern soul longs for sun, and I bask in it as long as my fair skin will allow.
Our garden colors get a turn in vases on the table, near the bathroom sinks, and on a side table in the living room.
The dahlias and gladiolas are just beginning to bloom. I don't love the tall flowers as much. Especially gladiolas. They always make me think of death and funerals.
Here are a few of the beauties I've showcased together so far this summer.
My heart is happy. Our sun finally made its appearance, and it is steadily warming us as the day slips into evening. My Southern soul longs for sun, and I bask in it as long as my fair skin will allow.
Our garden colors get a turn in vases on the table, near the bathroom sinks, and on a side table in the living room.
The dahlias and gladiolas are just beginning to bloom. I don't love the tall flowers as much. Especially gladiolas. They always make me think of death and funerals.
Here are a few of the beauties I've showcased together so far this summer.
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| A low vase is best on our table. It allows for conversation. |
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| This vase hangs on the downstairs bathroom wall. |
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| I was inspired to mix green and white. Our holly bush provided the perfect leaf color to accent the white flowers. I love the texture of the pea vine and blossom. |
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
South in the Mouth
If you have never lived in or spent time in the South this might not make a lot of sense. The Southern region of the United States is very different from any other part of the country. And even within the South there are vast differences in culture and language.
I won't go into all of those differences, but you don't have to travel very far to experience them. When I was living in Tennessee and traveled to Western Virginia (NOT West Virginia) I noticed a difference in the pronunciation of certain words. The word house, for instance, sounds a little more like hoose. It's subtle, but I still knew they meant house. However, I've never been very good at deciphering the Mississippi dialect. I truly don't know what they are saying most of the time.
As I've moved around the country I've lost some of my accent, gained some of others, started pronouncing the g in words where I used to drop it, and lost a lot of the colloquialisms that I used to hear and use in every day conversations.
I revisit some of them when I talk to friends who still live there, or who have not lost as much as I have. And some of those words are still part of my internal dialogue. It's a lot like movie quotes that you want so badly to use in a certain situation, but you don't because you know that no one else is going to understand the reference and you will sound a little cray-cray.
But the other day one of them slipped out. It was as automatic as saying yes. And my husband looked at me like I was visiting from another planet.
We were having dinner. He said he had met with a guy that day, someone I know of but don't know well. Normally I would say something like, "Oh, so how's he doing?" or "Really? What did he have to say?"
Nope. I distinctly said, "Oh yeah? What'd he allow?"
My husband gave me the look and asked, "What did he what?"
In Southern speak that means what's new with him, or more specifically, what did he have to say.
Luckily I didn't take it further and say something like, "Oh, yeah? What'd he allow? I reckon all that jawin' musta wore you plum out."
I won't go into all of those differences, but you don't have to travel very far to experience them. When I was living in Tennessee and traveled to Western Virginia (NOT West Virginia) I noticed a difference in the pronunciation of certain words. The word house, for instance, sounds a little more like hoose. It's subtle, but I still knew they meant house. However, I've never been very good at deciphering the Mississippi dialect. I truly don't know what they are saying most of the time.
As I've moved around the country I've lost some of my accent, gained some of others, started pronouncing the g in words where I used to drop it, and lost a lot of the colloquialisms that I used to hear and use in every day conversations.
I revisit some of them when I talk to friends who still live there, or who have not lost as much as I have. And some of those words are still part of my internal dialogue. It's a lot like movie quotes that you want so badly to use in a certain situation, but you don't because you know that no one else is going to understand the reference and you will sound a little cray-cray.
But the other day one of them slipped out. It was as automatic as saying yes. And my husband looked at me like I was visiting from another planet.
We were having dinner. He said he had met with a guy that day, someone I know of but don't know well. Normally I would say something like, "Oh, so how's he doing?" or "Really? What did he have to say?"
Nope. I distinctly said, "Oh yeah? What'd he allow?"
My husband gave me the look and asked, "What did he what?"
In Southern speak that means what's new with him, or more specifically, what did he have to say.
Luckily I didn't take it further and say something like, "Oh, yeah? What'd he allow? I reckon all that jawin' musta wore you plum out."
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Boys Are Failing and Here's Why
We want them to be girls.
Chuck and I spent last Saturday at the "Helping Boys Thrive" summit in Edmonds, Washington, learning why boys think differently, behave differently, and have different needs than girls. The summit was co-hosted by Michael Gurian, a mental health counselor, and Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center-A Place of HOPE.
The audience was a mix of educators, counselors and mental health professionals, and people from the Christian faith community.
I will attempt to share what we learned in the six hours we were there, so this is condensed.
Look at a classroom. Sit still. Be quiet. Don't fidget. Stop tapping. Don't make that noise with your foot. No you may not get up and walk to the book shelf. Now take out your pencil and paper and write an essay about what you did this weekend. What? You didn't finish that essay? It's time for recess. Guess what? Because you didn't finish the essay, and you walked to the window instead of sitting in your chair, you don't get to go to recess. You have to stand against the wall of the building and watch the other children play. (This seems to be a very common form of punishment.)
But if you look at the kids standing, watching other kids play at recess because they are being punished, you will see that most, if not all, of them are boys. Every. Time.
And hopefully, especially if you are a teacher and you are reading this, you will see why this is so ridiculous and needs to stop.
Why do boys throw things, jump from the top stair, slide down a banister, use a baby doll as a weapon, and treat each other like punching bags?
In a nutshell, boys' brains are different than girls' brains. And we don't stop being different once we are grown up.
The difference begins in the womb. This is not something that any of us have any control over whatsoever. The way the brain is formed is biological, or nature, if you will, not nurture. Brain development is a constant. Some things we have some control over, and can shape and change with societal norms and expectations. The brain development is not one of them.
While girl brains are getting the development for language all over the brain, and a little bit of their brains are developed for spatial relationship, boy brains get HALF of theirs for language and the other half is for spatial relationship. (Not relationship as in boyfriend, girlfriend. Spatial as in physics and engineering.)
This fact, as well as other information about brain development, was presented to us with brain scans of boys and girls across cultures.
This difference in brain development begins to happen at about the fourth week of conception.
Please. Don't get defensive. This isn't to say there are not female engineers, it's just a scientific fact that the brains are different. About 20 percent of us have what is referred to as a bridge brain, meaning that either gender can have a little bit more of the other's characteristics, but male brains are NOT female at birth, or at any other time in their lives. If there is a Y chromosome, then there is a male brain.
Also, the boy brain is bathed in testosterone in the womb, and this hormone is the aggression hormone.
From the time that boys are very young it is clear that they need to move, and some need to move more than others. That is why if you are looking for one, it is important to find a daycare or preschool with plenty of space, both inside and out, for movement. (A little Montessori plug here, true Montessori schools do a great job of allowing for a lot of movement, especially through third grade.)
This need for movement is also why using no recess as punishment doesn't work. They NEED that outlet, that time to run, get the energy out of their system for a while, and there is also a lot of social learning that happens on a playground.
The systems we have in place for school are really geared more for the way girls and women do things, and especially how they learn. (We got a bit of information about the trouble with the mental health system as well, but I'm going to focus on education.)
If you put a boy in a regular classroom and make him sit at a desk or table, expect movement. And what I've noticed is that by the time they are around 8 or 9 years old, if not sooner than that, they tend to tap their pencil against the desk, doodle on their math page, wiggle their foot, bang their knee against the leg of the table, or some other fidgeting behavior. As irritating as this may be to others, and especially to teachers, boys are not doing this irritate you.
It is to keep their brain awake.
Boy/man brains shut down easily. If they are not actively engaged in something, their brains want to shut off. Brain scans show that a girl brain at rest is still very active, while a boy brain at rest is shut down. To keep this from happening, we have to allow boys to fidget. Let them doodle and draw. If their brain shuts down they aren't learning. (One of the activities the boys in Sean's Lower El class loved to do was finger knit. They did this while the teacher was talking or reading to them.)
Boy brains have a lot of gray matter, and this leads them to focus on the moment. Girl brains have white matter, and this allows them to be thinking of a million things constantly. Even when they are resting. Boys do not like innuendo. We have to be direct, and we need to use powerful visuals when we need them to transition to another activity. Sign language works well.
We were told that their brains aren't equipped to write and speak immediately when we demand it of them. They need time to process. So instead of asking them to write an essay, tell them you'd like them to storyboard the subject, then write about what they just drew.
If they are upset, or have just had an outburst that led to some kind of time out, don't immediately demand to know what happened, or get them to talk about it. They really can't articulate it right away. Cortisol, the stress hormone, increases in these situations, and a drink of water will reduce the cortisol. Do that first. Then ask them to go with you for a walk. Maybe let them bounce a ball as you walk, and then begin to ask them what they think happened and talk it through.
It's also OK for boys to be aggressive. Boys are naturally aggressive, and it isn't a bad thing. It is their way of bonding and showing affection. They love to hit and be hit, etc. What we have to watch out for is the intention behind the physical aggression. Once the intention is to do bodily harm, and not just play around, that is not aggression, it is violence.
Getting hurt on the playground is healthy. It isn't going to kill them. We have to stop hovering over our boys and protecting them from the things that will help them develop and become young men.
Because boys like using objects and moving them through space, i.e., swords, sticks, balls, rocks, etc., it is important to give them that outlet with rules or parameters. They are also drawn to video games because of the visual stimuli, and the ability to control objects moving through space. They are good at these things, celebrate it, but limit it. Because of the visual stimulation, it triggers something in the brain that makes them crave it. More of it just makes them want more, like an addiction. Talk about your values around technology and screen time. Limit it. It can also interfere with sleep. Some people have a rule that TV and games must end two hours before bedtime.
Another very important point to make is that boys NEED a three-family system. The first is the family involved in day-to-day care of the child, the second is a group of friends the child can go to to talk, and a community or faith family is third. With all three in place, things are easier for you and the child. Boys naturally want a kinship group. If we don't find a healthy way to provide it for them, they will seek it out and can find the kinship in gangs.
Boys are good at all sorts of things, and we need to allow them to be in charge of their decisions, and show them they are appreciated and valued. Boys are funny. We have to allow them to be funny, allow them to talk about guts, boogers, slugs, poop, snot, and all those icky things that girls don't like.
The alternative is just not working. What we are doing is failing them. Of course there will be those boys who do just fine in the system that is designed for girls. But what about the rest of the boys? This video contains staggering statistics and statements.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMLaXr1sFZc
Here's a humorous video about the difference between men and women.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg&feature=kp
And here's one that some team members of our Seattle Seahawks put together that has an emphasis on Christianity, but the players talk about their lives as boys. And these guys filmed it prior to winning the Super Bowl.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC1iD8yzndM
Chuck and I spent last Saturday at the "Helping Boys Thrive" summit in Edmonds, Washington, learning why boys think differently, behave differently, and have different needs than girls. The summit was co-hosted by Michael Gurian, a mental health counselor, and Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center-A Place of HOPE.
The audience was a mix of educators, counselors and mental health professionals, and people from the Christian faith community.
I will attempt to share what we learned in the six hours we were there, so this is condensed.
Look at a classroom. Sit still. Be quiet. Don't fidget. Stop tapping. Don't make that noise with your foot. No you may not get up and walk to the book shelf. Now take out your pencil and paper and write an essay about what you did this weekend. What? You didn't finish that essay? It's time for recess. Guess what? Because you didn't finish the essay, and you walked to the window instead of sitting in your chair, you don't get to go to recess. You have to stand against the wall of the building and watch the other children play. (This seems to be a very common form of punishment.)
But if you look at the kids standing, watching other kids play at recess because they are being punished, you will see that most, if not all, of them are boys. Every. Time.
And hopefully, especially if you are a teacher and you are reading this, you will see why this is so ridiculous and needs to stop.
Why do boys throw things, jump from the top stair, slide down a banister, use a baby doll as a weapon, and treat each other like punching bags?
In a nutshell, boys' brains are different than girls' brains. And we don't stop being different once we are grown up.
The difference begins in the womb. This is not something that any of us have any control over whatsoever. The way the brain is formed is biological, or nature, if you will, not nurture. Brain development is a constant. Some things we have some control over, and can shape and change with societal norms and expectations. The brain development is not one of them.
While girl brains are getting the development for language all over the brain, and a little bit of their brains are developed for spatial relationship, boy brains get HALF of theirs for language and the other half is for spatial relationship. (Not relationship as in boyfriend, girlfriend. Spatial as in physics and engineering.)
This fact, as well as other information about brain development, was presented to us with brain scans of boys and girls across cultures.
This difference in brain development begins to happen at about the fourth week of conception.
Please. Don't get defensive. This isn't to say there are not female engineers, it's just a scientific fact that the brains are different. About 20 percent of us have what is referred to as a bridge brain, meaning that either gender can have a little bit more of the other's characteristics, but male brains are NOT female at birth, or at any other time in their lives. If there is a Y chromosome, then there is a male brain.
Also, the boy brain is bathed in testosterone in the womb, and this hormone is the aggression hormone.
From the time that boys are very young it is clear that they need to move, and some need to move more than others. That is why if you are looking for one, it is important to find a daycare or preschool with plenty of space, both inside and out, for movement. (A little Montessori plug here, true Montessori schools do a great job of allowing for a lot of movement, especially through third grade.)
This need for movement is also why using no recess as punishment doesn't work. They NEED that outlet, that time to run, get the energy out of their system for a while, and there is also a lot of social learning that happens on a playground.
The systems we have in place for school are really geared more for the way girls and women do things, and especially how they learn. (We got a bit of information about the trouble with the mental health system as well, but I'm going to focus on education.)
If you put a boy in a regular classroom and make him sit at a desk or table, expect movement. And what I've noticed is that by the time they are around 8 or 9 years old, if not sooner than that, they tend to tap their pencil against the desk, doodle on their math page, wiggle their foot, bang their knee against the leg of the table, or some other fidgeting behavior. As irritating as this may be to others, and especially to teachers, boys are not doing this irritate you.
It is to keep their brain awake.
Boy/man brains shut down easily. If they are not actively engaged in something, their brains want to shut off. Brain scans show that a girl brain at rest is still very active, while a boy brain at rest is shut down. To keep this from happening, we have to allow boys to fidget. Let them doodle and draw. If their brain shuts down they aren't learning. (One of the activities the boys in Sean's Lower El class loved to do was finger knit. They did this while the teacher was talking or reading to them.)
Boy brains have a lot of gray matter, and this leads them to focus on the moment. Girl brains have white matter, and this allows them to be thinking of a million things constantly. Even when they are resting. Boys do not like innuendo. We have to be direct, and we need to use powerful visuals when we need them to transition to another activity. Sign language works well.
We were told that their brains aren't equipped to write and speak immediately when we demand it of them. They need time to process. So instead of asking them to write an essay, tell them you'd like them to storyboard the subject, then write about what they just drew.
If they are upset, or have just had an outburst that led to some kind of time out, don't immediately demand to know what happened, or get them to talk about it. They really can't articulate it right away. Cortisol, the stress hormone, increases in these situations, and a drink of water will reduce the cortisol. Do that first. Then ask them to go with you for a walk. Maybe let them bounce a ball as you walk, and then begin to ask them what they think happened and talk it through.
It's also OK for boys to be aggressive. Boys are naturally aggressive, and it isn't a bad thing. It is their way of bonding and showing affection. They love to hit and be hit, etc. What we have to watch out for is the intention behind the physical aggression. Once the intention is to do bodily harm, and not just play around, that is not aggression, it is violence.
Getting hurt on the playground is healthy. It isn't going to kill them. We have to stop hovering over our boys and protecting them from the things that will help them develop and become young men.
Because boys like using objects and moving them through space, i.e., swords, sticks, balls, rocks, etc., it is important to give them that outlet with rules or parameters. They are also drawn to video games because of the visual stimuli, and the ability to control objects moving through space. They are good at these things, celebrate it, but limit it. Because of the visual stimulation, it triggers something in the brain that makes them crave it. More of it just makes them want more, like an addiction. Talk about your values around technology and screen time. Limit it. It can also interfere with sleep. Some people have a rule that TV and games must end two hours before bedtime.
Another very important point to make is that boys NEED a three-family system. The first is the family involved in day-to-day care of the child, the second is a group of friends the child can go to to talk, and a community or faith family is third. With all three in place, things are easier for you and the child. Boys naturally want a kinship group. If we don't find a healthy way to provide it for them, they will seek it out and can find the kinship in gangs.
Boys are good at all sorts of things, and we need to allow them to be in charge of their decisions, and show them they are appreciated and valued. Boys are funny. We have to allow them to be funny, allow them to talk about guts, boogers, slugs, poop, snot, and all those icky things that girls don't like.
The alternative is just not working. What we are doing is failing them. Of course there will be those boys who do just fine in the system that is designed for girls. But what about the rest of the boys? This video contains staggering statistics and statements.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMLaXr1sFZc
Here's a humorous video about the difference between men and women.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg&feature=kp
And here's one that some team members of our Seattle Seahawks put together that has an emphasis on Christianity, but the players talk about their lives as boys. And these guys filmed it prior to winning the Super Bowl.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC1iD8yzndM
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