A Trip to the Southland

I don't want to minimize the love I have for Thanksgiving, so I'll begin with that.

We enjoyed great company and good food on Thanksgiving. We were blessed with several of Chuck's family members- Cindy and Dave, Colleen and Steve, and their son Charlie. My brother, Marty was here, and his friend Susie, and her kids Abbi and Calvin. I invited my friend Jennifer, and her kids Aiden and Tala because Jennifer's mom and sister had both moved away and she would have been alone. Sean was here, but Lilly wasn't.

The 7th of December Chuck, Sean and I flew to Tennessee. We celebrated Parsla's birthday, and did an early Christmas celebration with Jewel and Bjorn, and David and Grace.

Parsla loves her Uncle Sean.

We had a great time, as usual. I love going home for a visit.

We visited my dad, and we asked him to ride with us the next day to Roan Mountain. He was born there, and has all sorts of stories to tell about it. We spent the whole day driving around up there, and drove to the top of the Roan, to the state line of North Carolina there. Then we came back down the mountain and drove to some other places, and went another route across the North Carolina line.

On our way to the top of the Roan, the trees were covered in ice.

We had a great time with him, and we hope to go back when it's warmer so he can show us more on foot.

Our second day there, Jewel got the flu and was out of commission for a few days. But she was back on her feet thanks to Tamiflu, and the whole gang had fun at Bass Pro Shop's bowling alley for Parsla's birthday party. Every branch of the family tree was represented. It was so nice to see Myrna and Kyle, Tom and Jean, Brett and Jen, Josh and Megan, and Mike, and it was fun to walk around Bass Pro Shop. I'd never been to one.

I had no idea that Bass Pro Shop had a bowling alley. 

We visited the Gray Fossil Site and museum one day, but Sean wasn't that enthusiastic.

While we are in Tennessee we eat at several restaurants that aren't found in our area. One of them is the Golden Corral. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's OK. Dad wanted to take everyone out to eat while we were there, and although he preferred a nicer restaurant, they were all booked with parties for the holiday season. It worked out for all of us to meet at Golden Corral, or as dad says, "The Hog Trough." I think I get some of my cynicism from him. :-)
We like it because there is something for everyone. Sean is a bit picky about his food, but he can always find something at Golden Corral. And their dessert bar has a chocolate fountain that both Sean and Parsla love to dip marshmallows into.

The whole gang at the Hog Trough. But seriously, we
all enjoy eating there. 

Our final night in Tennessee we took Jewel, Bjorn and Parsla with us to Rocky Mount in Piney Flats for a candlelight tour. It's a living history museum, and we were welcomed to the home of the Cobb family for a 1791 Christmas celebration. They were hosting the Blount family, and Blount was trying to establish statehood.
Though I grew up not very far from Piney Flats, I had never been to Rocky Mount. We all had a good time there. We listened to a Christmas story in the slave quarters, told by an actor playing the part of a slave, about a girl who was the daughter of the inn keeper who let Mary and Joseph stay in the barn. Afterward there was a reception in the basement of the museum.

Jewel recognized the man playing Christmas music on a keyboard as one of her professors. We chatted, and he invited Sean to play some of the Christmas music he knows. He played Carol of the Bells, and Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies.

We toured the museum upstairs, too. I wish I had gotten good pictures there.

A couple of days before we were scheduled to come home, I got sick. I ended up going to Urgent Care to try to get well before getting on the plane. It didn't work. And I'm still not back to normal.
Chuck got it the next day, and we were both dragging ourselves through the airports to get home.
Sean didn't get it until we got home, thank goodness. And he is better now. Chuck and I are both still dealing with some weird thing with our ears.

It Ain't Easy Being Brown

I've had a little more than 12 years to prepare, but uncharacteristically for me, I've been in denial.

You see, I was thinking that if I raised my son to have manners, took him to church, surrounded him with people of good moral character, and made sure that he was learning, he would be just fine.

And maybe he will.

I'm white. I'm raising a brown child. His father and I are divorced, and he sees his father every week. His father believes that people who break the law should be held accountable, and so do I.

But what is happening in our country right now scares me.

I've been paying close attention lately.

I've been raising my brown son to make his own decisions, to think for himself, to question authority, and speak up for himself. I believe those are traits that will carry a person into adulthood, and make for a well-rounded individual. One who doesn't just believe everything he hears, or follows along just because someone says it's the thing to do.

This week I stopped in my tracks. I realized that I might have been doing this all wrong. What I thought would give him a great foundation for his future might be something that could get him killed.

My son is a typical pre-teen boy. He has a love of guns that I believe runs through his veins. My father loves guns, my oldest son loves guns, and my step-son also has a love of guns.

I thought my youngest son could be free to pursue his boyhood interests, to run amok like the boys in my neighborhood did when I was growing up, to get into some innocent mischief, because that's what builds great memories and it's how we learn. But it is also the thing that has me concerned.

I am still encouraging him to analyze, and think for himself, but I've begun serious conversations with him about how to behave. These conversations are different from the ones we've had in the past. Of course I've talked to him about manners, and his education has had grace and courtesy built into it, with handshakes and personal introductions the norm.

The instructions I'm giving him now are different. I knew his life would be different from my oldest kids who are white, but I didn't realize how different. I thought I could insulate him from bigotry and racism. I didn't want him to grow up thinking of himself as a victim, and I didn't want him to have a chip on his shoulder. I still don't. But, honestly, I didn't understand. I'm white.

While I still believe that if we all just obey the law, stay out of trouble, and stay away from people who want trouble, we will be fine, that isn't all there is to it for black and brown people.

Since the Michael Brown case in Ferguson I've been reading posts from a variety of people who tell the story of what it's like to be brown or black. Although I've noticed some of it myself as my son and I have been out in the world together, I haven't experienced it enough to understand. I'm still white.

I think back on some of the crazy things I did in my early 20s as a college student, and young adult with friends who were looking for fun, and it's a miracle that I came out of all of that unscathed. We never did anything intentionally bad, but we did some stuff.

Even if we had been caught, I don't think we would have gotten into a load of trouble. We were white. And it seems that in this country, if you're white, you are presumed innocent. A young white person out doing some things they aren't supposed to do can be seen as kids doing what kids do. A black or brown person in the same situation would be presumed guilty, and there isn't anything about a black kid doing something wrong that is fun and games. In this country, that is a life and death situation.

So I've begun a new education program with my son. New rules.

If you see a police officer: Do not run. Ever. Keep your hands where they can see them at all times. Do not make any sudden movements. Ask before reaching into a pocket, or otherwise moving your hands. Only speak when you are spoken to. Do not ask questions, other than "am I free to go," or "can I make a phone call."

You might be thinking ( if you are white), "Well, that's just common sense."

Yes. It is.

I've already talked to my son about making good decisions, and staying away from people who make bad ones. I didn't know how else to say it except to just say it, so I told him that if he is with a group of white friends who decide to do something he knows is wrong, but they all think it will be fun, or funny, and they get caught, he is the one who will be in trouble.

I explained that the white kids might get in trouble, but it is almost a certainty that he will. And it sucks, but it's just the way it is, so the best thing to do is leave that group as soon as he knows what is happening. I told him to use me as an excuse.

Now, maybe you're thinking that is also just common sense. But think back on your youth and the things you've done. Kids do stupid stuff.

And maybe you can't imagine it, but try. Imagine you are a white kid, and you are innocently hanging out with your friends playing Airsoft war in your yard. You have your headphones in, listening to your favorite song, really loud, and you have your Airsoft gun in your hands. A police car pulls up because a neighbor complained that you were shooting guns.
What do you imagine the police officer will do when you don't respond to him or her trying to talk to you?

Now try to imagine you are a black kid in that scenario. What do you think the officer's response will be?

Recently there were a lot of gun enthusiasts carrying their guns into stores to push the open carry issue. And though there were some people on social media pushing back on that, and threatening to boycott those stores that allowed people to come in carrying guns, that's about as bad as it got.

I kept wondering what would happen if the gun enthusiasts were black guys.

Imagine that for a moment. You're in a store, maybe even working there as a cashier, or a manager, and a large group of black guys in camo, with guns strapped to their backs walk into Target, or Home Depot.

Think on that for a moment.

Hmm.

I know this is just one more thing out there in the cyberworld about race, and today I saw a comment to a post that said, "Please. Not another story whining about racism. We're all equal!" And all I could think was, "Of course. Because you're white."

I'm only beginning to understand what black and brown people deal with every day, but I know that I will never fully understand either.

I'm white, and that will never change. I just hope that within my brown child's lifetime this country will.

But What About Socialization??

I spend my days homeschooling.

I really love to teach my child. He enjoys learning at home, and he is thriving.

But there are so many myths and misunderstandings about homeschooling, so I thought I would put this out there in the blogosphere to clear up some of the biggest myths and assumptions I've heard.

These range from "those kids just sit at home and watch TV all day," to "the poor things are stuck in the house without any opportunity to socialize."

I am certain that there are some parents who homeschool because they think it's going to be easy. And I am certain that there are a very few, and I mean very few, because honestly, I don't know any, who allow their children to just sit in front of the TV all day.

I'm also certain that there are some who don't want their kids around other kids, and therefore their children really are stuck in the house without any opportunity to socialize. Well, sort of. I think even those families have an occasional opportunity to socialize. Church, family events, grocery store, library, something. And though I know one such family, it is only ONE of a whole lot of homeschooling families.

We can debate what is and isn't enough socialization, but I'd like to put forth the idea that socialization means different things to different people.

It's definitely the hot button topic for both those who have an opinion, but aren't homeschooling, and those who are homeschooling.

First, I don't think sitting in a classroom of 25+ kids who are your same age is true socialization. I don't think the Middle School experience that my older kids endured, nor the experience I've heard through friends and groups is true socialization, nor is it, in my opinion, healthy socialization. And as far as I'm concerned, I'm not so sure about high school, either. My own experience, and that of my older children, and adults I've spoken with, was not what I would call a real social experience. And from what I hear, it's not gotten any better with time. I've heard the debates about what those experiences can teach us.

My definition of true and healthy socialization includes opportunities to converse, spend time, and collaborate with people of all backgrounds, ethnicities, faiths, ages and socio-economic status. It includes disagreements, and opportunities to negotiate, compromise, and find ways to work out problems. That is my definition of true socialization. And that is what I strive for in our homeschool experience.

Sometimes we fall short. The age ranges aren't always as diverse as I would like. Ultimately I'd like my child to spend time with some kids of all ages, some adults, and some teenagers and older adults as well. We have a pretty diverse group of friends. We, ourselves would fit the "diverse" label. We have friends of various ethnicity and background. We seem to be missing out on the teen group, but Sean gets that in other places, like church and when he spends time at his dad's house.

But here's the crux of what I want to get out there to dispel these myths and assumptions and misunderstandings.

Homeschoolers do socialize. We, as in Sean and I, have so many social opportunities that I have to sometimes turn some of them down or we would never get a day of school. I've heard from others who say the same thing. This is especially true when our regular schooled friends are on holiday breaks.

There are also a lot of collaborative opportunities, and I have to constantly decide if they are going to enhance or detract from our lesson plan.

Our lesson plan might not look like a traditional lesson plan, but it is ours. Not everyone does use one, and that is OK.  Homeschoolers use all kinds of curriculum. We happen to use a Montessori curriculum, but no one else in our social circle does. We know some people who use the public homeschool curriculum, others use a religious one, still others unschool, and some have cobbled together a variety of curricula to have what works for their children.

The other myth about TV all day, well that has been a topic of discussion in some online groups lately. You might be surprised to hear that some homeschooling families allow their children a couple of hours a day of TV, others allow 30 minutes, some use a bit of educational programming, and some don't even have a television. Hmm. Sounds pretty much like the general population, huh?

The beauty of homeschooling is that no homeschool looks like another. We homeschoolers do what works for us, and share ideas and tips, but we all follow our own way.

Fortunately, we live in an area where there is a large community of homeschoolers, and for that reason, our community at large is supportive. We take advantage of a lot of the classes and group activities for homeschoolers here. There are outdoor science classes, art, and local history classes. We've even hosted one ourselves that teaches outdoor skills and conservation. We've met new friends by hosting that class on our property.

But I also have the benefit of online groups. I am in several Facebook groups for Montessori homeschooling, and some for homeschooling in general. As a homeschooling mom it can be overwhelming, and lonely. I've found the online community to be such a blessing for me. When I first embarked on this journey, Sean was a first grader, and I was able to connect with a Montessori homeschool group on yahoo that saved me. Really. I was clueless, but that year I learned so much about the philosophy and curriculum.

This week Sean will be socializing during the class we host here, and after that class we both will socialize with the families. We will probably collaborate on some science with one friend.

And he will also have some screen time, though he doesn't watch TV by choice. He prefers Netflix, and video games. I limit both, and neither are allowed until school work is finished.

So that's a little glimpse into how we socialize, and how we deal with TV. And now I will get back to my research on the politics and government of Ancient Greece, gather more Greek root words and definitions, and study the Pythagoran Theorum for tomorrow's presentations. See how that all flows together? Ancient Greece (History), Greek root words (language),  Pythagoran Theorum (Pythagorus was Greek) and a math lesson.

This really is fun.

Epic Field Trip

Wow, I went MIA there for a while.

We've been super busy, and we were out of town for a while in September. Here's why:

Grand Geyser at Yellowstone National Park.

We stayed at River Rock Lodge, in Big Sky, Montana. It was about an hour from the West Entrance of Yellowstone. We spent three days there, and Yellowstone was as beautiful as I remembered.

From Wyoming we were headed to Idaho for a stop at Craters of the Moon.

Volcanic rock.

Indian Tunnel, one of the lava tubes.

Two happy kids hiking back from a great adventure.

Back to the van, and onward. Next stop: A ghost town called Silver City.

15 miles of dirt, rutted, rocky road back to the main highway, and we were off to Oregon to see the John Day Fossil Beds.

Sean loved the microscope at the Thomas Condon Paleontology Center.

A leaf fossil we saw in a boulder on a trail.

Might as well round out this trip about volcanoes and stop off at Mt. St. Helens on the way home, huh?

Sean and Lilly were interested in the seismograph. Any movement on the floor caused the needle to move.

By the time we arrived at Mt. St. Helens the kids were really ready to be home. We didn't stay very long, just long enough to look around the visitor's center. Informative, by the way. And I heard there has been increased activity there. Yikes.

Winding Down

It's been a great ride, but summer is coming to an end for us. We just attended an end-of-summer barbecue bash last night at our friends Nikki and Andrew's house.

We've enjoyed some great company, like when we hosted about 35 people for our Anniversary Party in June. I met a cousin of my mom's that was visiting from Montana, and we were so pleased to celebrate with our family and friends.

I've basked in the warmth of the sun as much as possible, and I've walked around the property and the yard taking in all of the sights and sounds. Birds, the horses next door, woodland critters that I hear rustling in the bushes but I can't see, squirrels chattering in the trees, and just today Sean and I watched a humming bird flit from one bloom to another on one of the flower bushes. We were so close, and it seemed to not notice us. But the birds here are kind of like that. They ignore us most of the time.

Sean has had a busy summer!-he's been playing hours upon hours of video games, lol.  But really, he's participated in some day camps, and he's been doing chores around here. We've hung out with some friends. We took a trip to the Pacific Science Center with Sean's friend Paul and his mom, Nikki, and he did a chemistry and lego camp in July and August respectively. He went on a vacation to California last month and did some camping with his dad.

One thing we haven't done yet, that I plan to do in the coming week, is go to the beach! We used to go all the time.

Chuck has been super busy with the business, and that's a blessing and a curse. It's great that we can keep our crew working, but it sure is tough to find time to get away from it all.

As I write this post, I'm sitting on the couch with the windows cracked open, and it's almost 10:30 p.m. The night air is filled with fall.

I'm researching and gathering materials for the coming school year. We are homeschooling for 6th grade, and I'm excited to begin soon.

Gingers Unite

If you are a brunette, do you notice other brunettes on the street?
If you are blonde, do you take a second glance at another blonde at a boutique?

Redheads notice other redheads. Or at least I do. And when I see a little baby, or a young child with red locks, I can't help it, I automatically smile.

You see, we are rare. I think I was the only redhead in my classes in elementary school, and there were only a couple more in high school. There's some understanding between redheads. We know how rare we are, and we empathize with each other.

Unlike blondes, who are always purported to "have more fun," are described as "bomb shells," and are sought after as a prize or trophy by many men, redheads are not described in those ways. We aren't a top pick. We're seen as fiery, with quick tempers and strange ways.

And while a brunette can be "exotic" and beautiful, redheads tend to be, almost, feared. That is until we are somehow acceptable again.

We seem to come in and out of fashion like clothing styles. We cycle around every 25 years or so and become the fad.

Our shades of red can be anything from almost blonde to orange and everything in between. Some of us have pale skin, so pale it's almost translucent. Some have freckles so thick it's almost a skin tone, and others of us can actually tan, and do. Some have skin that tans dark, and have auburn hair and eyes to match. Some have green eyes, some have blue. And I read recently that the red hair and blue eyes combo is extremely rare. So if you're one of these, celebrate the unique treasure that you are!

As a redheaded child, I was made fun of, teased and called all sorts of names through high school. Pumpkin head, carrot top, red. Though some of these were tossed out as affectionate nicknames, more often they were a jab. (By the way, a carrot top is green, people. Just sayin'.)

Looking back I find it comforting that I never was tempted to die my hair. I didn't want to change it, even though no one else seemed to like the color. I embraced who I was, and though the name calling hurt my feelings a bit, I let it go, knowing that I was special and they just couldn't see it.

Almost every time I've gotten my hair cut, from the east coast to the west, the hairdresser has commented on my hair color, and how they just can't get that color in a bottle.

So here we are. It's 2014, and a spread in Vogue magazine is celebrating the beauty and mystique of redheads.

We're in again, my fellow gingers!

Enjoy it while it lasts, but when we lose favor don't fret. We've still got each other. If I pass you on the street, in the aisle at the grocery store, or waiting in line at a play, I'll give you that reassuring look of acceptance.

Gardens and Baskets and Bouquets, Oh YES!

The gardens are alive with color, brilliant reds, yellows, shades of pink, pristine white, and a hint of blue. I've hung baskets along our porches and the gazebo, wherever there is a hook, and in some cases added hooks ;)) Each one displays a hue of purple and white, pink and red.

My heart is happy. Our sun finally made its appearance, and it is steadily warming us as the day slips into evening. My Southern soul longs for sun, and I bask in it as long as my fair skin will allow.

Our garden colors get a turn in vases on the table, near the bathroom sinks, and on a side table in the living room.

The dahlias and gladiolas are just beginning to bloom. I don't love the tall flowers as much. Especially gladiolas. They always make me think of death and funerals.

Here are a few of the beauties I've showcased together so far this summer.

A low vase is best on our table. It allows for conversation.

This vase hangs on the downstairs bathroom wall.

I was inspired to mix green and white. Our holly
bush provided the perfect leaf color to accent
the white flowers. I love the texture of the pea
vine and blossom.