Let's talk about parenting

I believe there are way too many people ready to tell others how to do things. Especially how to parent.

What I think we all need is a little more support and a lot less judgement, and especially we need to be told that everything will be OK.

I recently read an opinion about parents. It was about parents who the writer said are so involved in their children's lives that their kids can no longer do things for themselves. The crux of it was to stop doing pretty much everything, and let the kids do for themselves or it would lead to a crippling effect on the child and a future of the parents phoning professors over a bad grade, and accompanying the kid to their job interview as a young adult.
The examples were unfair, in my opinion. I really believe parents know what their kids need. They also know their own limits, their children's limits, and their breaking points.

We all do things sometimes that our kids can clearly do on their own. I know from experience (with two children who are completely grown now) that my youngest child will eventually do everything on his own.

I'm a Montessori mom. Montessori education is done with the philosophy of independent learning. The basic motto is, "Teach me to do it myself." And so that is basically what I have done since Sean was about 2 or 3. But there have been times when I just couldn't.

I used to tie his shoes, even after he knew how, because I needed to get out the door and on the road. Any other time of day and he could tie them on his own and take as much time as he needed. Guess what? Brace yourself. HE TIES HIS OWN SHOES.  I know. Unbelievable. I tied his shoes for a few years, and now he does it by himself.

Until recently I poured his juice. Our refrigerator is not designed to hold large bottles anywhere except the top shelf. And our cupboards are high, and the cups are in there. So I retrieved his cup, and the juice from the frig. And usually I poured it, and kept the juice bottle on the table. And if he needed a refill, he would DO IT HIMSELF. Amazing. And now he's tall enough to reach the shelf and the cupboard, and he gets his own juice, even though I used to do that for him.

I've met some parents who seem very worried, anxious, and downright overloaded with paranoia. They worry about outside influences, lead in toys, and pesticides in foods. (I am concerned, too.) These parents are trying their hardest to do everything right.

My theory is that at some point in the late 1990's or early 2000, parenting changed. It seemed to be the age of competitive parenting-- Pergo strollers, Britax car seats, designer diaper bags. And also scared parenting-- is that crib safe? Has it been recalled? What about those diapers? Do they have bleach in them? You feed your baby Gerber baby food? For the love of God! Haven't you gone Organic yet?

My mom was a great mom, but she wasn't worried. It seems we are all worried about everything now.
I started to notice this new competition/worry craze when I had my youngest child. For some reason I got a little caught up in it, even though I had two teenagers who were just fine. But maybe things had changed, I thought. Maybe there were more dangers. Certainly it seemed there was more information about safety, and recalls of certain car seats and cribs. And any good mother worries, right?

We want the best for our babies, and our toddlers. And as the child gets older we want to choose the very best pre-school. Then we want to research the very best elementary school, and so on.

It's not something we are doing wrong, it's something we believe with our whole hearts that we are doing right. And I am completely guilty. I am trying my best to do what is right.

So if you are a parent, and you are trying to do what you believe is right, good for you. And, if you are a parent and you aren't that worried about pesticides and lead, or the best elementary school, or any of this stuff, good for you.

Our kids are pre-wired to watch how we do things, and then set about learning how to do those things on their own. They will learn. They will laugh. They will cry. They will grow. And they will grow up.
And to all of us, I say: Everything will be OK.

Conference Time

The bead cabinet.
Photo by Sean

Today was conference day with Sean's teacher. (I'm writing this to have a record for myself, just in case you are stumbling onto this blog and wouldn't want to read this post.)

I so love his teacher, and his school. I love the Montessori method, and today was one of those great Montessori moments.

Sean is a "third year", meaning he has reached the final year in his classroom. He is a third grader. He has mastered a lot of the materials the younger children are working with, and has moved into a leadership position. In fact, Ms. Diamond said he frequently helps the younger children, or others who are also third years. When she asked him who his friends are this year, he said, "everyone, really." She told me he really has stepped into a leadership role and seems to have a good relationship with everyone in the class.

Ms. Diamond began the conference by asking him how he felt things were going with his writing. He said he feels it's going really good. She acknowledged that he has had an explosion in writing this year, and contrasted how he approached the work last year.

She asked him what his goals were this year for his writing, and he said he is working on a chapter book and his goal is to write 30 to 60 pages. (I felt my heart swell, I admit.) She asked how he chose those numbers as a goal, and he said, "Most chapter books are longer than 60 pages, but this is the first time I've ever written a chapter book, so I think I should start with less pages." Ms. Diamond agreed that when we do something for the first time we have to allow ourselves some leniency.

She suggested some areas he could work on to challenge himself, and penmanship is one. He writes small, and she suggested that he write and draw his pictures larger so the reader can focus on the content of the story instead of the work it takes to read the small print. Sean acknowledged that one of his friends frequently says he can't read his writing because it is too small. He said he writes small to save space so he can write more, but agreed to try to use the lines on the page to form his letters larger, what they call the head line, foot line and butt line.

From there we moved to reading, and she shared some scores with me. He is reading at standard, but when she assessed him with another tool she said it seems he is reading above standard, which means he is reading at a higher than third grade level. She suggested he continue to choose the "good fit" books and challenge himself. "Good fit" books are books that he can read on his own, that he understands most of the words, but are also a little challenging.

As is common with Montessori students, Sean has had that writing explosion and almost focuses exclusively on writing and reading. I know from experience with homeschool that this will likely change as the year goes on, but she looked at his work plan (the students write their own weekly work plan) and asked that he spend some more time on math. She suggested that he begin the day with writing, but put a time limit on himself so he saves time to work on math each day as well.

The work plan folder.
Photo by Sean

The fraction work I wish I had here.
Photo by Sean

Some of the areas he can work on are fractions and multiplication. Ms. Diamond suggested we use some real life problems to work on this, including slicing apples and such. "Would you like your apples sliced into fourths?"

Then she went over his goals for himself, and the things we would like to see him work on as well. To watch this exchange was amazing. Sean actively participated in this conversation and gave complete answers and explanations about his work and his goals for himself. He asked her for extra packets of math to take home to work on. It will be great, since we still have some of the materials here. We have the box of beads and the stamp game, which can be used with addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. I wish we had the fraction boards, but I can make some with Chuck's help.

I was so proud to watch him participate in a serious conversation about his plans for his own education this year, and to hear what his goals are for himself. He is so supported and loved there, and the responsibility is put on the student. There is no brow beating or ridicule, or accusations, or demands of "why didn't you complete this work?" or "What do you have to say for yourself?" type of energy there. No threats of, "If you don't do the work you're going to fail."

Because the student has written his/her own work plan (with guidance in the beginning, of course) the responsibility lies with the student to be sure that work plan is carried out. Once the work plan is completed they are allowed to do "other," which is free choice.

Sean said his favorite free choice is origami.

He has become so mature this year. I love watching the transformation. He has always been a great kid, but today I saw a different side of him.

Change is in the air

I feel a change comin' on. I don't know about other people, but for me change seems to come in a big chunk. I can usually feel it coming, and there is always anticipation and a little bit of uncertainty with it.
I've had to make some changes with the newspaper. I'm restructuring, and there is a lot of excitement, stress, sadness, and possibility. For some I know it will be scary and I might even lose some people in the process. I truly do believe I'm doing what's best in order for us to grow and put out a better publication.
There is also a change coming here at home. I homeschooled Sean last year with Montessori philosophy and materials. I use that term philosophy loosely because I am not a trained Montessori teacher. I have a Montessori outlook on learning. I think he did fine here, but given the chance I would rather have him in his old Montessori school. Part of the lower elementary education is collaborating with other children, learning from the olders, and mentoring the youngers.
There is just no way to get that at home. So while I definitely prefer having him home as opposed to a classic public classroom, I really prefer that he continue with his Montessori education in a Montessori classroom.
During his summer camps I have been talking with various people and found out that a public school near us is converting to Montessori. The school has gotten a bunch of grants, etc. and they are phasing in Montessori for pre-K, K, 1 and 2 grades. Of course in Montessori, the pre-K and K are the Children's House, and the 1 and 2 grades will be combined.
Their plan is to build a brand new school, starting on it next year, and convert the entire school to a K-8 public Montessori school. There is already one school in that district that has been a huge success. The lady who turned that school around is now coming in as principal at this one.
I'm beside myself with excitement.
We visited today. I wanted to first know if he would even be accepted, since we live in a different district. It was easy peasy. I had to get a release form from our district to transfer him to that one, and that was surprisingly painless. (I've never had good luck with any "school" bureaucracy, whether it was elementary or college.)
I didn't really talk to Sean about it very much because I wasn't sure if we could get in. I didn't want to stress him out for nothing, nor get him excited for nothing.
He prefers to stay home, but honestly I have seen a big difference in him since he started camps, and it is a positive difference. I just hope it will be the same at this school. XX(That's me crossing my fingers.)
I felt like this move was meant to be. As soon as someone explained what they are doing there, I thought it was the answer for us. I can't afford private Montessori. He's going into second grade, and just makes the cut for their Montessori plans. AND, a teacher from his former school will be teaching a first-second class. If this works out, he will have had Montessori education from the age of 4.
So we met the most friendly office lady, Michelle, and she was very helpful and welcoming. She said we could have a look around in the rooms, though they don't have everything in them yet. They expect a shipment tomorrow of the equipment and furniture.
Sean had his face in a sour pout, so we stopped first at the library. Strategic plan on my part. He loves books, and the library was his favorite room at his old school. I knew this one would be larger, and he fell in love at first sight.  He could have stayed all day looking at the books.
This move is a huge leap of faith for us. This school has been a very poor performing school. The enrollment has dropped dramatically over the years. It's a very old building. It's public school.
For him, it will be a big change. He doesn't always do so well with change, so I hope that he will settle in nicely there. I'm going to be very watchful. If it just isn't working out, we'll change back to homeschool.

Another blog

I've started a new blog to chart our Montessori journey. Anyone interested in lower elementary Montessori links, resources, materials, and our experience with Montessori homeschool can follow us at Montessorielementaryathome.blogspot.com