Spring always reminds me of my mom. She loved spring. I used to be more partial to fall, myself, but since I've moved to the other side of the country and live in a cloud bank, I'm jumping onto the spring wagon.
My mom was always in a pretty good mood, but when the trees started budding, and the daffodils were blooming, she'd get this sparkle in her eye. As soon as the temperatures warmed up she was ready to hit the road.
And we did. Many times. We drove all the way from Gig Harbor to Elizabethton, Tennessee one Spring.
I inherited that wondering, wandering, spirit from her. Our months of gray and rain have been interrupted by short bursts of blue skies and sunshine. There's a restlessness stirring that I know will only get stronger as the days get longer.
We have decided we aren't taking any big trips this year, since last year was a big one with the honeymoon. But I'll have to go somewhere, even if it's a short day trip.
I'm already thinking of the possibilities...
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Friday, February 21, 2014
Oh, the pain
I screamed. I never scream. I screamed and cried and wailed, and I must have kept that up for a good 10 minutes.
I've had broken bones. I've had three children. Two of them were born without me being medicated. B But this pain was somehow worse.
It will sound crazy to anyone who has not experienced this, but I fell down some stairs. My foot twisted. I landed on the side of my foot at the bottom of the stairs, and I could. not. move. Awful pain.
The word "sprain," takes on new meaning for me. I admit that I always thought sprains were minor. Breaks were major. Broken bone, oooohh, now that hurts. Sprain, eh, you'll be OK, I used to think.
My hope is that it will heal faster than the broken foot I had in my 20s, when I walked around my college campus in a cast for three months. And by the way, I didn't utter a scream when that happened. A wave of nausea. Pain. NO screaming.
And though I've been slowing down the past year or so, delegating duties to others, resigning from boards and committees, and even quit my job to stay home and homeschool Sean, I guess I need to slow down even more.
That is the message I'm getting from this. I need to kick back, prop up my foot, and not worry that the floors are filthy and no one in the house has clean clothes. I need to let others do the floors and the laundry. And I'm not really comfortable with it. And maybe that's exactly why I need to do it.
My husband is amazing. I already knew that, but this incident showed me just the man he is, and how lucky I am. I'm so blessed. He is so caring. He's a firefighter/EMT, so he's skilled at taking care of people until he hands them off to the healthcare team. But he's still here for me, making sure that I have what I need. He carried me to bed. Brought ice water and medicine to the bedside in case I needed it in the middle of the night. Carried me to the bathroom, helped me get into the bathtub and out. He's continued to help me up and down the stairs. He's taken on the chores of laundry, dishes, meals, and is great at helping with the kids.
But I really do hope I heal quickly. A few days of this is enough.
I've had broken bones. I've had three children. Two of them were born without me being medicated. B But this pain was somehow worse.
It will sound crazy to anyone who has not experienced this, but I fell down some stairs. My foot twisted. I landed on the side of my foot at the bottom of the stairs, and I could. not. move. Awful pain.
The word "sprain," takes on new meaning for me. I admit that I always thought sprains were minor. Breaks were major. Broken bone, oooohh, now that hurts. Sprain, eh, you'll be OK, I used to think.
My hope is that it will heal faster than the broken foot I had in my 20s, when I walked around my college campus in a cast for three months. And by the way, I didn't utter a scream when that happened. A wave of nausea. Pain. NO screaming.
And though I've been slowing down the past year or so, delegating duties to others, resigning from boards and committees, and even quit my job to stay home and homeschool Sean, I guess I need to slow down even more.
That is the message I'm getting from this. I need to kick back, prop up my foot, and not worry that the floors are filthy and no one in the house has clean clothes. I need to let others do the floors and the laundry. And I'm not really comfortable with it. And maybe that's exactly why I need to do it.
My husband is amazing. I already knew that, but this incident showed me just the man he is, and how lucky I am. I'm so blessed. He is so caring. He's a firefighter/EMT, so he's skilled at taking care of people until he hands them off to the healthcare team. But he's still here for me, making sure that I have what I need. He carried me to bed. Brought ice water and medicine to the bedside in case I needed it in the middle of the night. Carried me to the bathroom, helped me get into the bathtub and out. He's continued to help me up and down the stairs. He's taken on the chores of laundry, dishes, meals, and is great at helping with the kids.
But I really do hope I heal quickly. A few days of this is enough.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Let's talk about parenting
I believe there are way too many people ready to tell others how to do things. Especially how to parent.
What I think we all need is a little more support and a lot less judgement, and especially we need to be told that everything will be OK.
I recently read an opinion about parents. It was about parents who the writer said are so involved in their children's lives that their kids can no longer do things for themselves. The crux of it was to stop doing pretty much everything, and let the kids do for themselves or it would lead to a crippling effect on the child and a future of the parents phoning professors over a bad grade, and accompanying the kid to their job interview as a young adult.
The examples were unfair, in my opinion. I really believe parents know what their kids need. They also know their own limits, their children's limits, and their breaking points.
We all do things sometimes that our kids can clearly do on their own. I know from experience (with two children who are completely grown now) that my youngest child will eventually do everything on his own.
I'm a Montessori mom. Montessori education is done with the philosophy of independent learning. The basic motto is, "Teach me to do it myself." And so that is basically what I have done since Sean was about 2 or 3. But there have been times when I just couldn't.
I used to tie his shoes, even after he knew how, because I needed to get out the door and on the road. Any other time of day and he could tie them on his own and take as much time as he needed. Guess what? Brace yourself. HE TIES HIS OWN SHOES. I know. Unbelievable. I tied his shoes for a few years, and now he does it by himself.
Until recently I poured his juice. Our refrigerator is not designed to hold large bottles anywhere except the top shelf. And our cupboards are high, and the cups are in there. So I retrieved his cup, and the juice from the frig. And usually I poured it, and kept the juice bottle on the table. And if he needed a refill, he would DO IT HIMSELF. Amazing. And now he's tall enough to reach the shelf and the cupboard, and he gets his own juice, even though I used to do that for him.
I've met some parents who seem very worried, anxious, and downright overloaded with paranoia. They worry about outside influences, lead in toys, and pesticides in foods. (I am concerned, too.) These parents are trying their hardest to do everything right.
My theory is that at some point in the late 1990's or early 2000, parenting changed. It seemed to be the age of competitive parenting-- Pergo strollers, Britax car seats, designer diaper bags. And also scared parenting-- is that crib safe? Has it been recalled? What about those diapers? Do they have bleach in them? You feed your baby Gerber baby food? For the love of God! Haven't you gone Organic yet?
My mom was a great mom, but she wasn't worried. It seems we are all worried about everything now.
I started to notice this new competition/worry craze when I had my youngest child. For some reason I got a little caught up in it, even though I had two teenagers who were just fine. But maybe things had changed, I thought. Maybe there were more dangers. Certainly it seemed there was more information about safety, and recalls of certain car seats and cribs. And any good mother worries, right?
We want the best for our babies, and our toddlers. And as the child gets older we want to choose the very best pre-school. Then we want to research the very best elementary school, and so on.
It's not something we are doing wrong, it's something we believe with our whole hearts that we are doing right. And I am completely guilty. I am trying my best to do what is right.
So if you are a parent, and you are trying to do what you believe is right, good for you. And, if you are a parent and you aren't that worried about pesticides and lead, or the best elementary school, or any of this stuff, good for you.
Our kids are pre-wired to watch how we do things, and then set about learning how to do those things on their own. They will learn. They will laugh. They will cry. They will grow. And they will grow up.
And to all of us, I say: Everything will be OK.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
A Christmas Letter (circa 2004)
The Christmas and New Year holidays are over, but I was having a conversation with a friend who had a tough year, and we started to talk about Christmas letters.
I have written one almost every year. There have been years that I started and stopped, started again, and finally just gave up.
You see, I think those letters are really just a recap of all the cool and fun stuff you have done throughout the year. Those years I couldn't write were so filled with awful things that I truly couldn't find anything good to write about that sounded genuine. I had moments when I thought maybe I should just write the truth. It would have gone something like this:
This year was one humdinger of a turd. I started this year with the death of my step-grandfather. Soon after I delivered that eulogy I separated from my husband. My toddler son had to have surgery this year, twice, for two different medical issues.
And oh, did I mention my mom has cancer? She was actually diagnosed with the recurrence a couple of years ago. We've spent lots of hours on the road this year to take her to appointments and chemo treatments.
Mom has good insurance, but this year her insurance coverage jumped to $800 a month.
Yeah, so we are living with my mom. I don't have a job, and if I did my money would be dumped into a daycare center.
I've spent many hours this year talking with my attorney, who by the way, has sucked up most of my "spousal maintenance," that I had to garnish from said soon-to-be ex-husband. We've become connoisseurs of spaghetti, and spaghetti sauce. We've eaten it almost every night this year, and we have decided that Barilla noodles that we get at the You Bag It grocery store, along with Prego sauce, also from said You Bag It store which we buy in bulk at highly discounted prices, is the best.
All I want for Christmas is a divorce, but this thing keeps dragging on and it looks like it will be next year before it will end.
That about wraps it up for us, and we hope you have a very Merry Christmas.
Of course I never sent it.
I have written one almost every year. There have been years that I started and stopped, started again, and finally just gave up.
You see, I think those letters are really just a recap of all the cool and fun stuff you have done throughout the year. Those years I couldn't write were so filled with awful things that I truly couldn't find anything good to write about that sounded genuine. I had moments when I thought maybe I should just write the truth. It would have gone something like this:
This year was one humdinger of a turd. I started this year with the death of my step-grandfather. Soon after I delivered that eulogy I separated from my husband. My toddler son had to have surgery this year, twice, for two different medical issues.
And oh, did I mention my mom has cancer? She was actually diagnosed with the recurrence a couple of years ago. We've spent lots of hours on the road this year to take her to appointments and chemo treatments.
Mom has good insurance, but this year her insurance coverage jumped to $800 a month.
Yeah, so we are living with my mom. I don't have a job, and if I did my money would be dumped into a daycare center.
I've spent many hours this year talking with my attorney, who by the way, has sucked up most of my "spousal maintenance," that I had to garnish from said soon-to-be ex-husband. We've become connoisseurs of spaghetti, and spaghetti sauce. We've eaten it almost every night this year, and we have decided that Barilla noodles that we get at the You Bag It grocery store, along with Prego sauce, also from said You Bag It store which we buy in bulk at highly discounted prices, is the best.
All I want for Christmas is a divorce, but this thing keeps dragging on and it looks like it will be next year before it will end.
That about wraps it up for us, and we hope you have a very Merry Christmas.
Of course I never sent it.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Sherman was high
on adrenalin.
If you watched the 2014 NFC Championship football game of the Seattle Seahawks vs. San Francisco 49ers, you most likely saw a sideline interview that seemed over the top. Even if you didn't watch the game, chances are you've seen at least parts of that interview by now.
But in case you haven't: Richard Sherman, who plays cornerback for the Seattle Seahawks, was approached by a network sports reporter on the Seahawks sideline after he had just made a great play to help the Seahawks win, and also had a little altercation on the field with a 49ers player, Michael Crabtree.
Let me interject here that I am no expert on the game of football. I wouldn't even call myself a football fan in the conventional way. I enjoy watching a game if I'm interested in one of the teams, but I don't dye my hair blue or green, and I don't have any pom pons lying around the house, or one of those foam finger things. I have a journalism degree, concentration in print journalism, and even took a sports writing class while getting that degree. I have worked in a newspaper sports department, and I've interviewed athletes, and watched many sporting games, and written stories about them, but I have not played the game, nor do I pretend to know everything about football.
One thing I do know is that the players, especially football players, get wound up. They are on the field to win, and in a high stakes game such as this one, where the winner will go to the Super Bowl, it's intense. I like football, but what intrigues me is the way this Sherman interview has everyone so riled up.
I'm not even certain that the reporter knew what had just happened on the field. I honestly don't remember her question, but I remember Sherman's response, and it is now plastered all over cyberspace.
I was definitely pulling for a Seahawks win. But I'm not defending Sherman because he's a Seahawks player. I am defending him, though.
Sherman, who is only 25 years old BTW, had just deflected a pass to Crabtree that could have resulted in a SF touchdown, and a SF win. Apparently Crabtree and Sherman had traded some trash-talk in the media the past couple of days, and it is very likely that some comments were exchanged during the game. In fact, I'd bet on that. It's normal and expected that players on opposing sides will taunt each other during a football game.
Sherman was pumped up, it was a close game for four quarters, and it was the most important game of the season. The win means a trip to New York to meet up with the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl.
There are pictures of Sherman offering his hand to Crabtree, and Sherman says he was offering a hand shake, and said, "Good game," to Crabtree. Crabtree's response? He shoved Sherman in the face.
And seconds later a microphone was in front of Sherman, a guy who loves to talk, loves to remind everyone that he is the best, and then makes the plays that back up his claims.
So let's examine the situation:
Lots of adrenalin, 25 years old, just made a major play to help win the game and get his team to the Super Bowl, then was shoved in the face after a gesture of sportsmanship? Well, I think if someone placed a microphone in front of me after all of that I'd probably lose any filter I may have had prior to that moment.
At first it was difficult to understand what he was going on about. "Don't you ever talk about me!" he shouted.
The reporter asked Sherman who was talking about him and he said "Crabtree!"
For those who have never played competitive sports, or never done anything that results in a lot of adrenalin, Sherman's tirade may not make sense.
His response to the reporter was a bit shocking, but taken in context, I understand it.
There are some good stories out there about Sherman. These are two of the ones I liked. They are long, but I found them interesting and well written. Imbedded in this story is a video clip of Sherman that shows his love of the game, and his work ethic.
http://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2014/1/20/5319032/richard-sherman-interview-nfc-championship-2014
And here is another story about Sherman from SI:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1208083/1/index.htm
What I've learned about Sherman is that he's smart, he's driven, and he likes to inspire others to greatness. He also gives back to his community.
According to a poll I saw in the Washington Post, the Seahawks are hated by most of the country. The Sherman/reporter incident has generated negative remarks about him in social media, and on sports shows.
But I know this part of the country will be wearing blue and green, and hoping for some Sherman interceptions and for the Seahawks to shut down the Broncos on Feb. 2. (Sorry Peyton, I know you were a Volunteer, and I've followed your career ever since, but I have to fly my 12 flag this time.)
If you watched the 2014 NFC Championship football game of the Seattle Seahawks vs. San Francisco 49ers, you most likely saw a sideline interview that seemed over the top. Even if you didn't watch the game, chances are you've seen at least parts of that interview by now.
But in case you haven't: Richard Sherman, who plays cornerback for the Seattle Seahawks, was approached by a network sports reporter on the Seahawks sideline after he had just made a great play to help the Seahawks win, and also had a little altercation on the field with a 49ers player, Michael Crabtree.
Let me interject here that I am no expert on the game of football. I wouldn't even call myself a football fan in the conventional way. I enjoy watching a game if I'm interested in one of the teams, but I don't dye my hair blue or green, and I don't have any pom pons lying around the house, or one of those foam finger things. I have a journalism degree, concentration in print journalism, and even took a sports writing class while getting that degree. I have worked in a newspaper sports department, and I've interviewed athletes, and watched many sporting games, and written stories about them, but I have not played the game, nor do I pretend to know everything about football.
One thing I do know is that the players, especially football players, get wound up. They are on the field to win, and in a high stakes game such as this one, where the winner will go to the Super Bowl, it's intense. I like football, but what intrigues me is the way this Sherman interview has everyone so riled up.
I'm not even certain that the reporter knew what had just happened on the field. I honestly don't remember her question, but I remember Sherman's response, and it is now plastered all over cyberspace.
I was definitely pulling for a Seahawks win. But I'm not defending Sherman because he's a Seahawks player. I am defending him, though.
Sherman, who is only 25 years old BTW, had just deflected a pass to Crabtree that could have resulted in a SF touchdown, and a SF win. Apparently Crabtree and Sherman had traded some trash-talk in the media the past couple of days, and it is very likely that some comments were exchanged during the game. In fact, I'd bet on that. It's normal and expected that players on opposing sides will taunt each other during a football game.
Sherman was pumped up, it was a close game for four quarters, and it was the most important game of the season. The win means a trip to New York to meet up with the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl.
There are pictures of Sherman offering his hand to Crabtree, and Sherman says he was offering a hand shake, and said, "Good game," to Crabtree. Crabtree's response? He shoved Sherman in the face.
And seconds later a microphone was in front of Sherman, a guy who loves to talk, loves to remind everyone that he is the best, and then makes the plays that back up his claims.
So let's examine the situation:
Lots of adrenalin, 25 years old, just made a major play to help win the game and get his team to the Super Bowl, then was shoved in the face after a gesture of sportsmanship? Well, I think if someone placed a microphone in front of me after all of that I'd probably lose any filter I may have had prior to that moment.
At first it was difficult to understand what he was going on about. "Don't you ever talk about me!" he shouted.
The reporter asked Sherman who was talking about him and he said "Crabtree!"
For those who have never played competitive sports, or never done anything that results in a lot of adrenalin, Sherman's tirade may not make sense.
His response to the reporter was a bit shocking, but taken in context, I understand it.
There are some good stories out there about Sherman. These are two of the ones I liked. They are long, but I found them interesting and well written. Imbedded in this story is a video clip of Sherman that shows his love of the game, and his work ethic.
http://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2014/1/20/5319032/richard-sherman-interview-nfc-championship-2014
And here is another story about Sherman from SI:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1208083/1/index.htm
What I've learned about Sherman is that he's smart, he's driven, and he likes to inspire others to greatness. He also gives back to his community.
According to a poll I saw in the Washington Post, the Seahawks are hated by most of the country. The Sherman/reporter incident has generated negative remarks about him in social media, and on sports shows.
But I know this part of the country will be wearing blue and green, and hoping for some Sherman interceptions and for the Seahawks to shut down the Broncos on Feb. 2. (Sorry Peyton, I know you were a Volunteer, and I've followed your career ever since, but I have to fly my 12 flag this time.)
Friday, January 17, 2014
Klan Destine Relationships, by Daryl Davis
During Christmas break I read several books. We had two weeks off from doing school work, so I took advantage of my spare time.
Our pastor had mentioned Daryl Davis in a sermon, and referenced his book Klan Destine Relationships. It got my attention and I went to the library to find it. They had to order it from another system, and I received it in a few days.
It was an amazing story. Daryl Davis is a black man who is also a musician, and an active, practicing Christian.
Klan Destine Relationships chronicles his experience with bigotry from childhood to the time he wrote the book. Instead of meeting these hate-filled prejudiced people with what they were dishing out, Daryl Davis did what we are all commanded to do: He loved them.
And he also set out on a quest to understand them.
He had the ability to see past the hatred and view these people through a different lens. His utter respect for them was shocking; his generosity inspiring.
Klan Destine Relationships is a story of human love and understanding. I don't think I have it in me to be so brave, so loving, and so generous, even though it is my work as a Christians to do so.
It is not a piece of literature, but this book is a great read. Expect to get stirred up, and to be surprised.
Our pastor had mentioned Daryl Davis in a sermon, and referenced his book Klan Destine Relationships. It got my attention and I went to the library to find it. They had to order it from another system, and I received it in a few days.
It was an amazing story. Daryl Davis is a black man who is also a musician, and an active, practicing Christian.
Klan Destine Relationships chronicles his experience with bigotry from childhood to the time he wrote the book. Instead of meeting these hate-filled prejudiced people with what they were dishing out, Daryl Davis did what we are all commanded to do: He loved them.
And he also set out on a quest to understand them.
He had the ability to see past the hatred and view these people through a different lens. His utter respect for them was shocking; his generosity inspiring.
Klan Destine Relationships is a story of human love and understanding. I don't think I have it in me to be so brave, so loving, and so generous, even though it is my work as a Christians to do so.
It is not a piece of literature, but this book is a great read. Expect to get stirred up, and to be surprised.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Extreme Reactions
This is more of a commentary on reaction rather than the show, Downton Abbey.
I'm a Downton Abbey fan, and the most recent episode included one of my favorite characters being raped. (IF you missed Episode 2 of Season 4, I apologize for the spoiler.)
It was difficult to watch, even though the scenes did not show any graphic evidence of what was happening. There was a forceful smash of the man's mouth to hers, he handled her roughly, and the rest was left to the audience's imagination. Anna is a lady's maid, and her attacker was part of an entourage of help brought along by guests of the Granthams.
At the start of the show a message flashed on the screen which warned of scenes that may not be suitable for all audiences. Viewer discretion was advised.
This warning was sufficient for adults to usher children out of the room, however, I believe anyone who has suffered an attack similar to the one in this episode may have been caught off guard. There are similar scenes in other television shows and movies, and in my opinion, they are much more graphic.
While this scene was difficult for me to watch, it was equally as difficult for me to read some of the reactions posted on the Facebook page of our local PBS station. Some commenters were so outraged by this scene that they claim they will pull their funding. One mentioned pulling PBS out of their will.
When we lean too far in one direction, are quick to judge, quick to punish, quick to react without first taking a moment to understand, damage is done. In all things, we must seek to understand first, then carefully react.
Unfortunately, if these people who made the claims follow through, our local PBS station will lose money. I'm not so sure it will be enough to lead to a cut in programming, but I do not understand this reaction.
If these newly former PBS donors believe for a moment that they aren't supporting far worse, they need to wake up.
PBS relies on public money, but the corporate television stations rely on it as well. They just get it in a different way.
If you purchase Kellogg's Rice Krispies, Palmolive dish detergent, Hane's underwear, Pampers, Foldger's coffee, Duracell batteries, or any other product that runs commercials on television, including some local merchants, then you are supporting programming that includes violence against women, men and children. Even if you are one of the people who have started buying local, natural and organic products, chances are you are still buying something that is supporting mainstream television programming.
I have boycotted certain companies when facts showed their business practices do not align with my values, because I didn't want my money funding such practices.
We all have the right to give or withhold our money, but either way it should be done after careful consideration.
It was one episode of one television show.
I'm a Downton Abbey fan, and the most recent episode included one of my favorite characters being raped. (IF you missed Episode 2 of Season 4, I apologize for the spoiler.)
It was difficult to watch, even though the scenes did not show any graphic evidence of what was happening. There was a forceful smash of the man's mouth to hers, he handled her roughly, and the rest was left to the audience's imagination. Anna is a lady's maid, and her attacker was part of an entourage of help brought along by guests of the Granthams.
At the start of the show a message flashed on the screen which warned of scenes that may not be suitable for all audiences. Viewer discretion was advised.
This warning was sufficient for adults to usher children out of the room, however, I believe anyone who has suffered an attack similar to the one in this episode may have been caught off guard. There are similar scenes in other television shows and movies, and in my opinion, they are much more graphic.
While this scene was difficult for me to watch, it was equally as difficult for me to read some of the reactions posted on the Facebook page of our local PBS station. Some commenters were so outraged by this scene that they claim they will pull their funding. One mentioned pulling PBS out of their will.
When we lean too far in one direction, are quick to judge, quick to punish, quick to react without first taking a moment to understand, damage is done. In all things, we must seek to understand first, then carefully react.
Unfortunately, if these people who made the claims follow through, our local PBS station will lose money. I'm not so sure it will be enough to lead to a cut in programming, but I do not understand this reaction.
If these newly former PBS donors believe for a moment that they aren't supporting far worse, they need to wake up.
PBS relies on public money, but the corporate television stations rely on it as well. They just get it in a different way.
If you purchase Kellogg's Rice Krispies, Palmolive dish detergent, Hane's underwear, Pampers, Foldger's coffee, Duracell batteries, or any other product that runs commercials on television, including some local merchants, then you are supporting programming that includes violence against women, men and children. Even if you are one of the people who have started buying local, natural and organic products, chances are you are still buying something that is supporting mainstream television programming.
I have boycotted certain companies when facts showed their business practices do not align with my values, because I didn't want my money funding such practices.
We all have the right to give or withhold our money, but either way it should be done after careful consideration.
It was one episode of one television show.
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