If you have never lived in or spent time in the South this might not make a lot of sense. The Southern region of the United States is very different from any other part of the country. And even within the South there are vast differences in culture and language.
I won't go into all of those differences, but you don't have to travel very far to experience them. When I was living in Tennessee and traveled to Western Virginia (NOT West Virginia) I noticed a difference in the pronunciation of certain words. The word house, for instance, sounds a little more like hoose. It's subtle, but I still knew they meant house. However, I've never been very good at deciphering the Mississippi dialect. I truly don't know what they are saying most of the time.
As I've moved around the country I've lost some of my accent, gained some of others, started pronouncing the g in words where I used to drop it, and lost a lot of the colloquialisms that I used to hear and use in every day conversations.
I revisit some of them when I talk to friends who still live there, or who have not lost as much as I have. And some of those words are still part of my internal dialogue. It's a lot like movie quotes that you want so badly to use in a certain situation, but you don't because you know that no one else is going to understand the reference and you will sound a little cray-cray.
But the other day one of them slipped out. It was as automatic as saying yes. And my husband looked at me like I was visiting from another planet.
We were having dinner. He said he had met with a guy that day, someone I know of but don't know well. Normally I would say something like, "Oh, so how's he doing?" or "Really? What did he have to say?"
Nope. I distinctly said, "Oh yeah? What'd he allow?"
My husband gave me the look and asked, "What did he what?"
In Southern speak that means what's new with him, or more specifically, what did he have to say.
Luckily I didn't take it further and say something like, "Oh, yeah? What'd he allow? I reckon all that jawin' musta wore you plum out."
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Boys Are Failing and Here's Why
We want them to be girls.
Chuck and I spent last Saturday at the "Helping Boys Thrive" summit in Edmonds, Washington, learning why boys think differently, behave differently, and have different needs than girls. The summit was co-hosted by Michael Gurian, a mental health counselor, and Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center-A Place of HOPE.
The audience was a mix of educators, counselors and mental health professionals, and people from the Christian faith community.
I will attempt to share what we learned in the six hours we were there, so this is condensed.
Look at a classroom. Sit still. Be quiet. Don't fidget. Stop tapping. Don't make that noise with your foot. No you may not get up and walk to the book shelf. Now take out your pencil and paper and write an essay about what you did this weekend. What? You didn't finish that essay? It's time for recess. Guess what? Because you didn't finish the essay, and you walked to the window instead of sitting in your chair, you don't get to go to recess. You have to stand against the wall of the building and watch the other children play. (This seems to be a very common form of punishment.)
But if you look at the kids standing, watching other kids play at recess because they are being punished, you will see that most, if not all, of them are boys. Every. Time.
And hopefully, especially if you are a teacher and you are reading this, you will see why this is so ridiculous and needs to stop.
Why do boys throw things, jump from the top stair, slide down a banister, use a baby doll as a weapon, and treat each other like punching bags?
In a nutshell, boys' brains are different than girls' brains. And we don't stop being different once we are grown up.
The difference begins in the womb. This is not something that any of us have any control over whatsoever. The way the brain is formed is biological, or nature, if you will, not nurture. Brain development is a constant. Some things we have some control over, and can shape and change with societal norms and expectations. The brain development is not one of them.
While girl brains are getting the development for language all over the brain, and a little bit of their brains are developed for spatial relationship, boy brains get HALF of theirs for language and the other half is for spatial relationship. (Not relationship as in boyfriend, girlfriend. Spatial as in physics and engineering.)
This fact, as well as other information about brain development, was presented to us with brain scans of boys and girls across cultures.
This difference in brain development begins to happen at about the fourth week of conception.
Please. Don't get defensive. This isn't to say there are not female engineers, it's just a scientific fact that the brains are different. About 20 percent of us have what is referred to as a bridge brain, meaning that either gender can have a little bit more of the other's characteristics, but male brains are NOT female at birth, or at any other time in their lives. If there is a Y chromosome, then there is a male brain.
Also, the boy brain is bathed in testosterone in the womb, and this hormone is the aggression hormone.
From the time that boys are very young it is clear that they need to move, and some need to move more than others. That is why if you are looking for one, it is important to find a daycare or preschool with plenty of space, both inside and out, for movement. (A little Montessori plug here, true Montessori schools do a great job of allowing for a lot of movement, especially through third grade.)
This need for movement is also why using no recess as punishment doesn't work. They NEED that outlet, that time to run, get the energy out of their system for a while, and there is also a lot of social learning that happens on a playground.
The systems we have in place for school are really geared more for the way girls and women do things, and especially how they learn. (We got a bit of information about the trouble with the mental health system as well, but I'm going to focus on education.)
If you put a boy in a regular classroom and make him sit at a desk or table, expect movement. And what I've noticed is that by the time they are around 8 or 9 years old, if not sooner than that, they tend to tap their pencil against the desk, doodle on their math page, wiggle their foot, bang their knee against the leg of the table, or some other fidgeting behavior. As irritating as this may be to others, and especially to teachers, boys are not doing this irritate you.
It is to keep their brain awake.
Boy/man brains shut down easily. If they are not actively engaged in something, their brains want to shut off. Brain scans show that a girl brain at rest is still very active, while a boy brain at rest is shut down. To keep this from happening, we have to allow boys to fidget. Let them doodle and draw. If their brain shuts down they aren't learning. (One of the activities the boys in Sean's Lower El class loved to do was finger knit. They did this while the teacher was talking or reading to them.)
Boy brains have a lot of gray matter, and this leads them to focus on the moment. Girl brains have white matter, and this allows them to be thinking of a million things constantly. Even when they are resting. Boys do not like innuendo. We have to be direct, and we need to use powerful visuals when we need them to transition to another activity. Sign language works well.
We were told that their brains aren't equipped to write and speak immediately when we demand it of them. They need time to process. So instead of asking them to write an essay, tell them you'd like them to storyboard the subject, then write about what they just drew.
If they are upset, or have just had an outburst that led to some kind of time out, don't immediately demand to know what happened, or get them to talk about it. They really can't articulate it right away. Cortisol, the stress hormone, increases in these situations, and a drink of water will reduce the cortisol. Do that first. Then ask them to go with you for a walk. Maybe let them bounce a ball as you walk, and then begin to ask them what they think happened and talk it through.
It's also OK for boys to be aggressive. Boys are naturally aggressive, and it isn't a bad thing. It is their way of bonding and showing affection. They love to hit and be hit, etc. What we have to watch out for is the intention behind the physical aggression. Once the intention is to do bodily harm, and not just play around, that is not aggression, it is violence.
Getting hurt on the playground is healthy. It isn't going to kill them. We have to stop hovering over our boys and protecting them from the things that will help them develop and become young men.
Because boys like using objects and moving them through space, i.e., swords, sticks, balls, rocks, etc., it is important to give them that outlet with rules or parameters. They are also drawn to video games because of the visual stimuli, and the ability to control objects moving through space. They are good at these things, celebrate it, but limit it. Because of the visual stimulation, it triggers something in the brain that makes them crave it. More of it just makes them want more, like an addiction. Talk about your values around technology and screen time. Limit it. It can also interfere with sleep. Some people have a rule that TV and games must end two hours before bedtime.
Another very important point to make is that boys NEED a three-family system. The first is the family involved in day-to-day care of the child, the second is a group of friends the child can go to to talk, and a community or faith family is third. With all three in place, things are easier for you and the child. Boys naturally want a kinship group. If we don't find a healthy way to provide it for them, they will seek it out and can find the kinship in gangs.
Boys are good at all sorts of things, and we need to allow them to be in charge of their decisions, and show them they are appreciated and valued. Boys are funny. We have to allow them to be funny, allow them to talk about guts, boogers, slugs, poop, snot, and all those icky things that girls don't like.
The alternative is just not working. What we are doing is failing them. Of course there will be those boys who do just fine in the system that is designed for girls. But what about the rest of the boys? This video contains staggering statistics and statements.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMLaXr1sFZc
Here's a humorous video about the difference between men and women.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg&feature=kp
And here's one that some team members of our Seattle Seahawks put together that has an emphasis on Christianity, but the players talk about their lives as boys. And these guys filmed it prior to winning the Super Bowl.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC1iD8yzndM
Chuck and I spent last Saturday at the "Helping Boys Thrive" summit in Edmonds, Washington, learning why boys think differently, behave differently, and have different needs than girls. The summit was co-hosted by Michael Gurian, a mental health counselor, and Dr. Gregory Jantz, founder of The Center-A Place of HOPE.
The audience was a mix of educators, counselors and mental health professionals, and people from the Christian faith community.
I will attempt to share what we learned in the six hours we were there, so this is condensed.
Look at a classroom. Sit still. Be quiet. Don't fidget. Stop tapping. Don't make that noise with your foot. No you may not get up and walk to the book shelf. Now take out your pencil and paper and write an essay about what you did this weekend. What? You didn't finish that essay? It's time for recess. Guess what? Because you didn't finish the essay, and you walked to the window instead of sitting in your chair, you don't get to go to recess. You have to stand against the wall of the building and watch the other children play. (This seems to be a very common form of punishment.)
But if you look at the kids standing, watching other kids play at recess because they are being punished, you will see that most, if not all, of them are boys. Every. Time.
And hopefully, especially if you are a teacher and you are reading this, you will see why this is so ridiculous and needs to stop.
Why do boys throw things, jump from the top stair, slide down a banister, use a baby doll as a weapon, and treat each other like punching bags?
In a nutshell, boys' brains are different than girls' brains. And we don't stop being different once we are grown up.
The difference begins in the womb. This is not something that any of us have any control over whatsoever. The way the brain is formed is biological, or nature, if you will, not nurture. Brain development is a constant. Some things we have some control over, and can shape and change with societal norms and expectations. The brain development is not one of them.
While girl brains are getting the development for language all over the brain, and a little bit of their brains are developed for spatial relationship, boy brains get HALF of theirs for language and the other half is for spatial relationship. (Not relationship as in boyfriend, girlfriend. Spatial as in physics and engineering.)
This fact, as well as other information about brain development, was presented to us with brain scans of boys and girls across cultures.
This difference in brain development begins to happen at about the fourth week of conception.
Please. Don't get defensive. This isn't to say there are not female engineers, it's just a scientific fact that the brains are different. About 20 percent of us have what is referred to as a bridge brain, meaning that either gender can have a little bit more of the other's characteristics, but male brains are NOT female at birth, or at any other time in their lives. If there is a Y chromosome, then there is a male brain.
Also, the boy brain is bathed in testosterone in the womb, and this hormone is the aggression hormone.
From the time that boys are very young it is clear that they need to move, and some need to move more than others. That is why if you are looking for one, it is important to find a daycare or preschool with plenty of space, both inside and out, for movement. (A little Montessori plug here, true Montessori schools do a great job of allowing for a lot of movement, especially through third grade.)
This need for movement is also why using no recess as punishment doesn't work. They NEED that outlet, that time to run, get the energy out of their system for a while, and there is also a lot of social learning that happens on a playground.
The systems we have in place for school are really geared more for the way girls and women do things, and especially how they learn. (We got a bit of information about the trouble with the mental health system as well, but I'm going to focus on education.)
If you put a boy in a regular classroom and make him sit at a desk or table, expect movement. And what I've noticed is that by the time they are around 8 or 9 years old, if not sooner than that, they tend to tap their pencil against the desk, doodle on their math page, wiggle their foot, bang their knee against the leg of the table, or some other fidgeting behavior. As irritating as this may be to others, and especially to teachers, boys are not doing this irritate you.
It is to keep their brain awake.
Boy/man brains shut down easily. If they are not actively engaged in something, their brains want to shut off. Brain scans show that a girl brain at rest is still very active, while a boy brain at rest is shut down. To keep this from happening, we have to allow boys to fidget. Let them doodle and draw. If their brain shuts down they aren't learning. (One of the activities the boys in Sean's Lower El class loved to do was finger knit. They did this while the teacher was talking or reading to them.)
Boy brains have a lot of gray matter, and this leads them to focus on the moment. Girl brains have white matter, and this allows them to be thinking of a million things constantly. Even when they are resting. Boys do not like innuendo. We have to be direct, and we need to use powerful visuals when we need them to transition to another activity. Sign language works well.
We were told that their brains aren't equipped to write and speak immediately when we demand it of them. They need time to process. So instead of asking them to write an essay, tell them you'd like them to storyboard the subject, then write about what they just drew.
If they are upset, or have just had an outburst that led to some kind of time out, don't immediately demand to know what happened, or get them to talk about it. They really can't articulate it right away. Cortisol, the stress hormone, increases in these situations, and a drink of water will reduce the cortisol. Do that first. Then ask them to go with you for a walk. Maybe let them bounce a ball as you walk, and then begin to ask them what they think happened and talk it through.
It's also OK for boys to be aggressive. Boys are naturally aggressive, and it isn't a bad thing. It is their way of bonding and showing affection. They love to hit and be hit, etc. What we have to watch out for is the intention behind the physical aggression. Once the intention is to do bodily harm, and not just play around, that is not aggression, it is violence.
Getting hurt on the playground is healthy. It isn't going to kill them. We have to stop hovering over our boys and protecting them from the things that will help them develop and become young men.
Because boys like using objects and moving them through space, i.e., swords, sticks, balls, rocks, etc., it is important to give them that outlet with rules or parameters. They are also drawn to video games because of the visual stimuli, and the ability to control objects moving through space. They are good at these things, celebrate it, but limit it. Because of the visual stimulation, it triggers something in the brain that makes them crave it. More of it just makes them want more, like an addiction. Talk about your values around technology and screen time. Limit it. It can also interfere with sleep. Some people have a rule that TV and games must end two hours before bedtime.
Another very important point to make is that boys NEED a three-family system. The first is the family involved in day-to-day care of the child, the second is a group of friends the child can go to to talk, and a community or faith family is third. With all three in place, things are easier for you and the child. Boys naturally want a kinship group. If we don't find a healthy way to provide it for them, they will seek it out and can find the kinship in gangs.
Boys are good at all sorts of things, and we need to allow them to be in charge of their decisions, and show them they are appreciated and valued. Boys are funny. We have to allow them to be funny, allow them to talk about guts, boogers, slugs, poop, snot, and all those icky things that girls don't like.
The alternative is just not working. What we are doing is failing them. Of course there will be those boys who do just fine in the system that is designed for girls. But what about the rest of the boys? This video contains staggering statistics and statements.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMLaXr1sFZc
Here's a humorous video about the difference between men and women.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg&feature=kp
And here's one that some team members of our Seattle Seahawks put together that has an emphasis on Christianity, but the players talk about their lives as boys. And these guys filmed it prior to winning the Super Bowl.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC1iD8yzndM
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Spring Fever and Road-Trip Dreamin'
Spring always reminds me of my mom. She loved spring. I used to be more partial to fall, myself, but since I've moved to the other side of the country and live in a cloud bank, I'm jumping onto the spring wagon.
My mom was always in a pretty good mood, but when the trees started budding, and the daffodils were blooming, she'd get this sparkle in her eye. As soon as the temperatures warmed up she was ready to hit the road.
And we did. Many times. We drove all the way from Gig Harbor to Elizabethton, Tennessee one Spring.
I inherited that wondering, wandering, spirit from her. Our months of gray and rain have been interrupted by short bursts of blue skies and sunshine. There's a restlessness stirring that I know will only get stronger as the days get longer.
We have decided we aren't taking any big trips this year, since last year was a big one with the honeymoon. But I'll have to go somewhere, even if it's a short day trip.
I'm already thinking of the possibilities...
My mom was always in a pretty good mood, but when the trees started budding, and the daffodils were blooming, she'd get this sparkle in her eye. As soon as the temperatures warmed up she was ready to hit the road.
And we did. Many times. We drove all the way from Gig Harbor to Elizabethton, Tennessee one Spring.
I inherited that wondering, wandering, spirit from her. Our months of gray and rain have been interrupted by short bursts of blue skies and sunshine. There's a restlessness stirring that I know will only get stronger as the days get longer.
We have decided we aren't taking any big trips this year, since last year was a big one with the honeymoon. But I'll have to go somewhere, even if it's a short day trip.
I'm already thinking of the possibilities...
Friday, February 21, 2014
Oh, the pain
I screamed. I never scream. I screamed and cried and wailed, and I must have kept that up for a good 10 minutes.
I've had broken bones. I've had three children. Two of them were born without me being medicated. B But this pain was somehow worse.
It will sound crazy to anyone who has not experienced this, but I fell down some stairs. My foot twisted. I landed on the side of my foot at the bottom of the stairs, and I could. not. move. Awful pain.
The word "sprain," takes on new meaning for me. I admit that I always thought sprains were minor. Breaks were major. Broken bone, oooohh, now that hurts. Sprain, eh, you'll be OK, I used to think.
My hope is that it will heal faster than the broken foot I had in my 20s, when I walked around my college campus in a cast for three months. And by the way, I didn't utter a scream when that happened. A wave of nausea. Pain. NO screaming.
And though I've been slowing down the past year or so, delegating duties to others, resigning from boards and committees, and even quit my job to stay home and homeschool Sean, I guess I need to slow down even more.
That is the message I'm getting from this. I need to kick back, prop up my foot, and not worry that the floors are filthy and no one in the house has clean clothes. I need to let others do the floors and the laundry. And I'm not really comfortable with it. And maybe that's exactly why I need to do it.
My husband is amazing. I already knew that, but this incident showed me just the man he is, and how lucky I am. I'm so blessed. He is so caring. He's a firefighter/EMT, so he's skilled at taking care of people until he hands them off to the healthcare team. But he's still here for me, making sure that I have what I need. He carried me to bed. Brought ice water and medicine to the bedside in case I needed it in the middle of the night. Carried me to the bathroom, helped me get into the bathtub and out. He's continued to help me up and down the stairs. He's taken on the chores of laundry, dishes, meals, and is great at helping with the kids.
But I really do hope I heal quickly. A few days of this is enough.
I've had broken bones. I've had three children. Two of them were born without me being medicated. B But this pain was somehow worse.
It will sound crazy to anyone who has not experienced this, but I fell down some stairs. My foot twisted. I landed on the side of my foot at the bottom of the stairs, and I could. not. move. Awful pain.
The word "sprain," takes on new meaning for me. I admit that I always thought sprains were minor. Breaks were major. Broken bone, oooohh, now that hurts. Sprain, eh, you'll be OK, I used to think.
My hope is that it will heal faster than the broken foot I had in my 20s, when I walked around my college campus in a cast for three months. And by the way, I didn't utter a scream when that happened. A wave of nausea. Pain. NO screaming.
And though I've been slowing down the past year or so, delegating duties to others, resigning from boards and committees, and even quit my job to stay home and homeschool Sean, I guess I need to slow down even more.
That is the message I'm getting from this. I need to kick back, prop up my foot, and not worry that the floors are filthy and no one in the house has clean clothes. I need to let others do the floors and the laundry. And I'm not really comfortable with it. And maybe that's exactly why I need to do it.
My husband is amazing. I already knew that, but this incident showed me just the man he is, and how lucky I am. I'm so blessed. He is so caring. He's a firefighter/EMT, so he's skilled at taking care of people until he hands them off to the healthcare team. But he's still here for me, making sure that I have what I need. He carried me to bed. Brought ice water and medicine to the bedside in case I needed it in the middle of the night. Carried me to the bathroom, helped me get into the bathtub and out. He's continued to help me up and down the stairs. He's taken on the chores of laundry, dishes, meals, and is great at helping with the kids.
But I really do hope I heal quickly. A few days of this is enough.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Let's talk about parenting
I believe there are way too many people ready to tell others how to do things. Especially how to parent.
What I think we all need is a little more support and a lot less judgement, and especially we need to be told that everything will be OK.
I recently read an opinion about parents. It was about parents who the writer said are so involved in their children's lives that their kids can no longer do things for themselves. The crux of it was to stop doing pretty much everything, and let the kids do for themselves or it would lead to a crippling effect on the child and a future of the parents phoning professors over a bad grade, and accompanying the kid to their job interview as a young adult.
The examples were unfair, in my opinion. I really believe parents know what their kids need. They also know their own limits, their children's limits, and their breaking points.
We all do things sometimes that our kids can clearly do on their own. I know from experience (with two children who are completely grown now) that my youngest child will eventually do everything on his own.
I'm a Montessori mom. Montessori education is done with the philosophy of independent learning. The basic motto is, "Teach me to do it myself." And so that is basically what I have done since Sean was about 2 or 3. But there have been times when I just couldn't.
I used to tie his shoes, even after he knew how, because I needed to get out the door and on the road. Any other time of day and he could tie them on his own and take as much time as he needed. Guess what? Brace yourself. HE TIES HIS OWN SHOES. I know. Unbelievable. I tied his shoes for a few years, and now he does it by himself.
Until recently I poured his juice. Our refrigerator is not designed to hold large bottles anywhere except the top shelf. And our cupboards are high, and the cups are in there. So I retrieved his cup, and the juice from the frig. And usually I poured it, and kept the juice bottle on the table. And if he needed a refill, he would DO IT HIMSELF. Amazing. And now he's tall enough to reach the shelf and the cupboard, and he gets his own juice, even though I used to do that for him.
I've met some parents who seem very worried, anxious, and downright overloaded with paranoia. They worry about outside influences, lead in toys, and pesticides in foods. (I am concerned, too.) These parents are trying their hardest to do everything right.
My theory is that at some point in the late 1990's or early 2000, parenting changed. It seemed to be the age of competitive parenting-- Pergo strollers, Britax car seats, designer diaper bags. And also scared parenting-- is that crib safe? Has it been recalled? What about those diapers? Do they have bleach in them? You feed your baby Gerber baby food? For the love of God! Haven't you gone Organic yet?
My mom was a great mom, but she wasn't worried. It seems we are all worried about everything now.
I started to notice this new competition/worry craze when I had my youngest child. For some reason I got a little caught up in it, even though I had two teenagers who were just fine. But maybe things had changed, I thought. Maybe there were more dangers. Certainly it seemed there was more information about safety, and recalls of certain car seats and cribs. And any good mother worries, right?
We want the best for our babies, and our toddlers. And as the child gets older we want to choose the very best pre-school. Then we want to research the very best elementary school, and so on.
It's not something we are doing wrong, it's something we believe with our whole hearts that we are doing right. And I am completely guilty. I am trying my best to do what is right.
So if you are a parent, and you are trying to do what you believe is right, good for you. And, if you are a parent and you aren't that worried about pesticides and lead, or the best elementary school, or any of this stuff, good for you.
Our kids are pre-wired to watch how we do things, and then set about learning how to do those things on their own. They will learn. They will laugh. They will cry. They will grow. And they will grow up.
And to all of us, I say: Everything will be OK.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
A Christmas Letter (circa 2004)
The Christmas and New Year holidays are over, but I was having a conversation with a friend who had a tough year, and we started to talk about Christmas letters.
I have written one almost every year. There have been years that I started and stopped, started again, and finally just gave up.
You see, I think those letters are really just a recap of all the cool and fun stuff you have done throughout the year. Those years I couldn't write were so filled with awful things that I truly couldn't find anything good to write about that sounded genuine. I had moments when I thought maybe I should just write the truth. It would have gone something like this:
This year was one humdinger of a turd. I started this year with the death of my step-grandfather. Soon after I delivered that eulogy I separated from my husband. My toddler son had to have surgery this year, twice, for two different medical issues.
And oh, did I mention my mom has cancer? She was actually diagnosed with the recurrence a couple of years ago. We've spent lots of hours on the road this year to take her to appointments and chemo treatments.
Mom has good insurance, but this year her insurance coverage jumped to $800 a month.
Yeah, so we are living with my mom. I don't have a job, and if I did my money would be dumped into a daycare center.
I've spent many hours this year talking with my attorney, who by the way, has sucked up most of my "spousal maintenance," that I had to garnish from said soon-to-be ex-husband. We've become connoisseurs of spaghetti, and spaghetti sauce. We've eaten it almost every night this year, and we have decided that Barilla noodles that we get at the You Bag It grocery store, along with Prego sauce, also from said You Bag It store which we buy in bulk at highly discounted prices, is the best.
All I want for Christmas is a divorce, but this thing keeps dragging on and it looks like it will be next year before it will end.
That about wraps it up for us, and we hope you have a very Merry Christmas.
Of course I never sent it.
I have written one almost every year. There have been years that I started and stopped, started again, and finally just gave up.
You see, I think those letters are really just a recap of all the cool and fun stuff you have done throughout the year. Those years I couldn't write were so filled with awful things that I truly couldn't find anything good to write about that sounded genuine. I had moments when I thought maybe I should just write the truth. It would have gone something like this:
This year was one humdinger of a turd. I started this year with the death of my step-grandfather. Soon after I delivered that eulogy I separated from my husband. My toddler son had to have surgery this year, twice, for two different medical issues.
And oh, did I mention my mom has cancer? She was actually diagnosed with the recurrence a couple of years ago. We've spent lots of hours on the road this year to take her to appointments and chemo treatments.
Mom has good insurance, but this year her insurance coverage jumped to $800 a month.
Yeah, so we are living with my mom. I don't have a job, and if I did my money would be dumped into a daycare center.
I've spent many hours this year talking with my attorney, who by the way, has sucked up most of my "spousal maintenance," that I had to garnish from said soon-to-be ex-husband. We've become connoisseurs of spaghetti, and spaghetti sauce. We've eaten it almost every night this year, and we have decided that Barilla noodles that we get at the You Bag It grocery store, along with Prego sauce, also from said You Bag It store which we buy in bulk at highly discounted prices, is the best.
All I want for Christmas is a divorce, but this thing keeps dragging on and it looks like it will be next year before it will end.
That about wraps it up for us, and we hope you have a very Merry Christmas.
Of course I never sent it.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Sherman was high
on adrenalin.
If you watched the 2014 NFC Championship football game of the Seattle Seahawks vs. San Francisco 49ers, you most likely saw a sideline interview that seemed over the top. Even if you didn't watch the game, chances are you've seen at least parts of that interview by now.
But in case you haven't: Richard Sherman, who plays cornerback for the Seattle Seahawks, was approached by a network sports reporter on the Seahawks sideline after he had just made a great play to help the Seahawks win, and also had a little altercation on the field with a 49ers player, Michael Crabtree.
Let me interject here that I am no expert on the game of football. I wouldn't even call myself a football fan in the conventional way. I enjoy watching a game if I'm interested in one of the teams, but I don't dye my hair blue or green, and I don't have any pom pons lying around the house, or one of those foam finger things. I have a journalism degree, concentration in print journalism, and even took a sports writing class while getting that degree. I have worked in a newspaper sports department, and I've interviewed athletes, and watched many sporting games, and written stories about them, but I have not played the game, nor do I pretend to know everything about football.
One thing I do know is that the players, especially football players, get wound up. They are on the field to win, and in a high stakes game such as this one, where the winner will go to the Super Bowl, it's intense. I like football, but what intrigues me is the way this Sherman interview has everyone so riled up.
I'm not even certain that the reporter knew what had just happened on the field. I honestly don't remember her question, but I remember Sherman's response, and it is now plastered all over cyberspace.
I was definitely pulling for a Seahawks win. But I'm not defending Sherman because he's a Seahawks player. I am defending him, though.
Sherman, who is only 25 years old BTW, had just deflected a pass to Crabtree that could have resulted in a SF touchdown, and a SF win. Apparently Crabtree and Sherman had traded some trash-talk in the media the past couple of days, and it is very likely that some comments were exchanged during the game. In fact, I'd bet on that. It's normal and expected that players on opposing sides will taunt each other during a football game.
Sherman was pumped up, it was a close game for four quarters, and it was the most important game of the season. The win means a trip to New York to meet up with the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl.
There are pictures of Sherman offering his hand to Crabtree, and Sherman says he was offering a hand shake, and said, "Good game," to Crabtree. Crabtree's response? He shoved Sherman in the face.
And seconds later a microphone was in front of Sherman, a guy who loves to talk, loves to remind everyone that he is the best, and then makes the plays that back up his claims.
So let's examine the situation:
Lots of adrenalin, 25 years old, just made a major play to help win the game and get his team to the Super Bowl, then was shoved in the face after a gesture of sportsmanship? Well, I think if someone placed a microphone in front of me after all of that I'd probably lose any filter I may have had prior to that moment.
At first it was difficult to understand what he was going on about. "Don't you ever talk about me!" he shouted.
The reporter asked Sherman who was talking about him and he said "Crabtree!"
For those who have never played competitive sports, or never done anything that results in a lot of adrenalin, Sherman's tirade may not make sense.
His response to the reporter was a bit shocking, but taken in context, I understand it.
There are some good stories out there about Sherman. These are two of the ones I liked. They are long, but I found them interesting and well written. Imbedded in this story is a video clip of Sherman that shows his love of the game, and his work ethic.
http://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2014/1/20/5319032/richard-sherman-interview-nfc-championship-2014
And here is another story about Sherman from SI:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1208083/1/index.htm
What I've learned about Sherman is that he's smart, he's driven, and he likes to inspire others to greatness. He also gives back to his community.
According to a poll I saw in the Washington Post, the Seahawks are hated by most of the country. The Sherman/reporter incident has generated negative remarks about him in social media, and on sports shows.
But I know this part of the country will be wearing blue and green, and hoping for some Sherman interceptions and for the Seahawks to shut down the Broncos on Feb. 2. (Sorry Peyton, I know you were a Volunteer, and I've followed your career ever since, but I have to fly my 12 flag this time.)
If you watched the 2014 NFC Championship football game of the Seattle Seahawks vs. San Francisco 49ers, you most likely saw a sideline interview that seemed over the top. Even if you didn't watch the game, chances are you've seen at least parts of that interview by now.
But in case you haven't: Richard Sherman, who plays cornerback for the Seattle Seahawks, was approached by a network sports reporter on the Seahawks sideline after he had just made a great play to help the Seahawks win, and also had a little altercation on the field with a 49ers player, Michael Crabtree.
Let me interject here that I am no expert on the game of football. I wouldn't even call myself a football fan in the conventional way. I enjoy watching a game if I'm interested in one of the teams, but I don't dye my hair blue or green, and I don't have any pom pons lying around the house, or one of those foam finger things. I have a journalism degree, concentration in print journalism, and even took a sports writing class while getting that degree. I have worked in a newspaper sports department, and I've interviewed athletes, and watched many sporting games, and written stories about them, but I have not played the game, nor do I pretend to know everything about football.
One thing I do know is that the players, especially football players, get wound up. They are on the field to win, and in a high stakes game such as this one, where the winner will go to the Super Bowl, it's intense. I like football, but what intrigues me is the way this Sherman interview has everyone so riled up.
I'm not even certain that the reporter knew what had just happened on the field. I honestly don't remember her question, but I remember Sherman's response, and it is now plastered all over cyberspace.
I was definitely pulling for a Seahawks win. But I'm not defending Sherman because he's a Seahawks player. I am defending him, though.
Sherman, who is only 25 years old BTW, had just deflected a pass to Crabtree that could have resulted in a SF touchdown, and a SF win. Apparently Crabtree and Sherman had traded some trash-talk in the media the past couple of days, and it is very likely that some comments were exchanged during the game. In fact, I'd bet on that. It's normal and expected that players on opposing sides will taunt each other during a football game.
Sherman was pumped up, it was a close game for four quarters, and it was the most important game of the season. The win means a trip to New York to meet up with the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl.
There are pictures of Sherman offering his hand to Crabtree, and Sherman says he was offering a hand shake, and said, "Good game," to Crabtree. Crabtree's response? He shoved Sherman in the face.
And seconds later a microphone was in front of Sherman, a guy who loves to talk, loves to remind everyone that he is the best, and then makes the plays that back up his claims.
So let's examine the situation:
Lots of adrenalin, 25 years old, just made a major play to help win the game and get his team to the Super Bowl, then was shoved in the face after a gesture of sportsmanship? Well, I think if someone placed a microphone in front of me after all of that I'd probably lose any filter I may have had prior to that moment.
At first it was difficult to understand what he was going on about. "Don't you ever talk about me!" he shouted.
The reporter asked Sherman who was talking about him and he said "Crabtree!"
For those who have never played competitive sports, or never done anything that results in a lot of adrenalin, Sherman's tirade may not make sense.
His response to the reporter was a bit shocking, but taken in context, I understand it.
There are some good stories out there about Sherman. These are two of the ones I liked. They are long, but I found them interesting and well written. Imbedded in this story is a video clip of Sherman that shows his love of the game, and his work ethic.
http://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2014/1/20/5319032/richard-sherman-interview-nfc-championship-2014
And here is another story about Sherman from SI:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1208083/1/index.htm
What I've learned about Sherman is that he's smart, he's driven, and he likes to inspire others to greatness. He also gives back to his community.
According to a poll I saw in the Washington Post, the Seahawks are hated by most of the country. The Sherman/reporter incident has generated negative remarks about him in social media, and on sports shows.
But I know this part of the country will be wearing blue and green, and hoping for some Sherman interceptions and for the Seahawks to shut down the Broncos on Feb. 2. (Sorry Peyton, I know you were a Volunteer, and I've followed your career ever since, but I have to fly my 12 flag this time.)
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