I grew up being punished for what my parents and teachers said were wrong behaviors. While this worked pretty well, I don't really think it is the best way to teach a child how to behave.
I admit it is my first reaction. Someone does something wrong, my first thought is punish them for doing it. It's how I grew up. But my logical side realizes this method really only teaches fear.
For most of us this fear works really well to deter us from behaving badly. Whether it is physical punishment, extra chores, or taking privileges, punishment is supposed to stop bad behavior.
Punishment is not always followed by rational conversation to explain why we should or shouldn't do certain things. We eventually mature and figure out why, but there are some who don't. Punishment is quick and usually easy. (I won't veer off in the prison as punishment topic right now, which is not always quick or easy.)
Instead I like to have high expectations for appropriate behavior, and constantly talk about why we should behave in certain ways. This takes intention and time. I admit sometimes I slip and revert to a threat of punishment, but I try hard not to. I've watched kids who constantly get grounded or punished continue doing same behaviors. It's almost as if it becomes a way to get desired attention, or a way to fulfill some role they've become accustomed to over the years. (I'm the kid. I'm expected to do things wrong, and then dad or mom punishes me. I get to whine about being grounded, and feel like a victim, which initiates at least some conversation and attention.)
It makes me wonder why the parents continue to dole out the punishment when it really does nothing to get the desired end result. I'm not perfect, and I've made a lot of mistakes as a parent, but I think the answer to bad behavior is more time with parents. When they are really young, redirection is very effective. As they grow older, evening walks, family game nights, special one-on-one time doing something the child really enjoys, and quiet time devoted to strengthening relationships can go a long way in getting the results we want.
What are your thoughts on punishment?
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