Planning a wedding can be really fun and exciting, and also a little stressful. There's so much to do, and so many pretty things to look at and decide upon. Dresses, flowers, reception decor, invitations, shoes...It's easy to get carried away with the party of it and forget that after the party you're going home with this guy--forever.
I was watching TV last night and the movie "Sex in the City," was on. I saw it when it came out, but I still like seeing her couture gown and veil. Over the top, but really pretty. But in that movie, her fiance, Big, isn't so thrilled about the production that the wedding is becoming. And he's already been married before, more than once, and as the limo pulls up to the wedding venue he realizes he can't do it.
Marriage is beautiful when it's the right people and the right time, but it can also be ugly. And divorce is never pretty.
Chuck and I have been together as a couple for more than two years, and we don't want to enter into a marriage that isn't right, or go through a divorce --ever again. We both wanted pre-marriage counseling or some type of pre-marriage work leading up to the wedding-- and there's nothing wrong with our relationship. We just want to be certain that we are getting it right this time.
As soon as we were engaged we talked about finding a pre-marriage counselor, and figured our pastor could point us in the right direction. Our pastor set a date to meet with us soon after I went in to book the church for the ceremony. He let us know that he likes to meet with couples to plan the ceremony, and just talk about things leading up to the wedding. We've been meeting with him monthly since November.
Mostly we talk about our lives, work, the kids, and some of the things that are important to us about the ceremony. Within weeks of that first meeting with him, Chuck and I picked up the book Pastor Jim recommended for us as a pre-marriage journey. It's for married couples, but because we've both been married before, we're a little older than most who are approaching their first marriage (hopefully their only marriage) and because we've been "practicing" at being married for a while, he suggested the book, "Discovering a Dynamic Marriage."
So far it has been great, but we are slow. As we thumbed through the book and set dates to talk about the chapters I marked those dates in my calendar and I put the chapter numbers beside the date. I thought we would be on chapter 7 by now. We are only on chapter 3! We meet regularly over lunch to talk about what we are reading, and it has brought up a lot of things that we never would have talked about without being prompted to do so. Not because we wouldn't want to, but because we just wouldn't be thinking of such deep subjects.
We had started talking about some things already, such as money, sex, parenting, our basic personalities and the needs we have surrounding who we are, and some other pretty typical things. Our discussions have lead to our experiences as children, who we were watching as role models as we grew up, and some other pretty good conversations.
But the book has prompted us to go deeper. It's a lot of work. I spent about two hours on the work at the end of Chapter 2, and then together we talked about it for more than an hour. We are so busy all the time I don't think this is something we would have sought out, but I'm glad we're doing it. I'm not sure we'll be finished before we get married, though.
I've known a few people who have been through pre-marital counseling of various types. Some are still married, some are going through a divorce now, and some have been divorced for a while.
I'd love to get some feedback about what has worked for different couples.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Where's the Party?: Wedding Plans
As soon as we had set the date I contacted our church to be sure that date was open for our ceremony. While I was at it I went ahead and booked the fellowship hall for the reception in case we couldn't find another venue.
I was pretty sure we wouldn't have our reception there, though, because I knew we were planning to serve wine.
In the beginning stages of the planning we decided the reception was going to be a fundraising event for a charity of our choice that is dear to us. We really don't need gifts. But then as the hunt for the perfect reception venue ensued, it was clear the charity event part of it was blocking us from finding a great venue.
We were certain that we wanted an indoor/outdoor option in case of rain, because Lord knows it rains in these parts.
Our first choice was the history museum. The space is so unique, and so great, and the view from there is beautiful. It sits right on the water, and of course it is filled with so many interesting things. But there were too many things about it that just didn't work. Our reception will begin at about 3:30 or 4, and they couldn't have us until 5. And if we did it at 5 we would have to serve dinner, and we plan to serve light hors d'oeuvres. There is nowhere to serve dinner there, and even if we served it outside, it would be too cold for that. The weather here is on the cooler side, even in June, and being near the water makes it even cooler. An evening outdoor dinner near the bay just didn't sound like the right thing to us. Another thing that didn't work was the fact that there wasn't one room there that could hold all of our guests at the same time. There couldn't be a toast, or any announcement that everyone would be able to hear. We wrestled with this one for a while and tried to find a way to make it work out, but it just wasn't the space for our event.
Onward.
We liked the idea of a view of the water, so we looked at a local restaurant, Anthony's. It has a beautiful downstairs room with a view. It sits right on the water. This bombed from almost the first moment. No matter that the cost for it was going to be thousands of dollars, they didn't want us there past 5 p.m., even if our guests were going to come up to the main floor for dinner after the reception. They didn't like that at all, because they needed to accommodate their regular customers. Even when we mentioned a rehearsal dinner the manager wasn't very eager to have us, saying that they needed to be able to serve their regular Friday night crowd. I was not overjoyed with this conversation.
Next I called a place that has beautiful grounds and gardens. I was so hoping for this, as it seemed our last option for a reception close to the church where we could still serve wine. It was booked.
Chuck and I both agreed we didn't want our guests to have to drive very far for the reception, so I started looking harder for a place that could meet our needs. I found a community center that has a lot of character and is relatively inexpensive. It has a view if you go outside, but the best thing is it can old everyone, it has an outdoor option, and it's close to the church. We drove it when we went to take a look and clocked it at 8 miles. It's really neat, and was originally a school in the late 1800s.
I got a confirmation email that they received our deposit and rental agreement, and we are on our way to wedding day.
Next post: The Pre-marriage journey-- getting ready for our future.
I was pretty sure we wouldn't have our reception there, though, because I knew we were planning to serve wine.
In the beginning stages of the planning we decided the reception was going to be a fundraising event for a charity of our choice that is dear to us. We really don't need gifts. But then as the hunt for the perfect reception venue ensued, it was clear the charity event part of it was blocking us from finding a great venue.
We were certain that we wanted an indoor/outdoor option in case of rain, because Lord knows it rains in these parts.
Our first choice was the history museum. The space is so unique, and so great, and the view from there is beautiful. It sits right on the water, and of course it is filled with so many interesting things. But there were too many things about it that just didn't work. Our reception will begin at about 3:30 or 4, and they couldn't have us until 5. And if we did it at 5 we would have to serve dinner, and we plan to serve light hors d'oeuvres. There is nowhere to serve dinner there, and even if we served it outside, it would be too cold for that. The weather here is on the cooler side, even in June, and being near the water makes it even cooler. An evening outdoor dinner near the bay just didn't sound like the right thing to us. Another thing that didn't work was the fact that there wasn't one room there that could hold all of our guests at the same time. There couldn't be a toast, or any announcement that everyone would be able to hear. We wrestled with this one for a while and tried to find a way to make it work out, but it just wasn't the space for our event.
Onward.
We liked the idea of a view of the water, so we looked at a local restaurant, Anthony's. It has a beautiful downstairs room with a view. It sits right on the water. This bombed from almost the first moment. No matter that the cost for it was going to be thousands of dollars, they didn't want us there past 5 p.m., even if our guests were going to come up to the main floor for dinner after the reception. They didn't like that at all, because they needed to accommodate their regular customers. Even when we mentioned a rehearsal dinner the manager wasn't very eager to have us, saying that they needed to be able to serve their regular Friday night crowd. I was not overjoyed with this conversation.
Next I called a place that has beautiful grounds and gardens. I was so hoping for this, as it seemed our last option for a reception close to the church where we could still serve wine. It was booked.
Chuck and I both agreed we didn't want our guests to have to drive very far for the reception, so I started looking harder for a place that could meet our needs. I found a community center that has a lot of character and is relatively inexpensive. It has a view if you go outside, but the best thing is it can old everyone, it has an outdoor option, and it's close to the church. We drove it when we went to take a look and clocked it at 8 miles. It's really neat, and was originally a school in the late 1800s.
I got a confirmation email that they received our deposit and rental agreement, and we are on our way to wedding day.
Next post: The Pre-marriage journey-- getting ready for our future.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
To Veil, Or Not to Veil: Wedding Plans
The Veil.
Or no veil? Or maybe a small veil? Or maybe just a nice flower in my hair? Or nothing at all-- just a nice updo?
I still haven't decided 100 percent.
But here's the story of the hunt for the perfect head cover.
When I tried on The Dress, (referenced in the previous post here) the gal helping me brought out a veil to complete the look and help me make a decision. The veil did not help. It looked stupid. I hated it.
So she found a different one, a Russian or bridal birdcage veil. Again, not me. She found another veil that was about elbow length and definitely had a better shape, but I still felt stupid.
My Wedding Gown Shopping Entourage helped scour the store for something that would be the perfect touch to go with the absolutely gorgeous gown, and so did the sales girl. They came up with a few things that looked pretty. One was my favorite, but it was too white to go with the dress. It was an alligator clip silk flower type fascinator.
But I still wasn't really satisfied with it.
I kind of wanted a veil, but I was going for a sophisticated and unique look. I'm an older bride, so I didn't want the tiara, and I didn't want to look like a granny trying to be a Cinderella. I left the store with nothing for my head.
I got back online and started looking again. I found some really cool things on Etsy. I found fascinators and caps, I found jeweled hairpieces, and all sorts of things. But I decided that I really did want a veil after Chuck made a comment that my hair style wouldn't probably matter so much because my hair would be covered up by a veil anyway. That's when I realized he was envisioning me walking down the aisle, and that vision included a veil. And it wasn't that I hated veils, I just didn't like the ones I had tried on.
So as I browsed Etsy.com, I tried to find something that I thought would look better than a tiara and poof veil. Here's one of them, and not the one I ordered. If you love this one, I found it here. There were several different Juliet Caps on the Gilded Shadows Etsy site at the time I was browsing, and I started to fall in love with them.
I wrestled with which one I really loved, and I mean I really wrestled. I kept the photos of these veils in my favorites list on Etsy for weeks. I would look at them and decide on one, then sleep on that decision and look at it the next day and decide on a different one. I finally settled on one and contacted the seller to see if she could customize the veil for me. She was absolutely great to work with and I received the veil(s) exactly as I ordered them.
(Disclaimer. Neither the owners of Etsy.com, nor the owner of Gilded Shadows know that I'm posting this. I did not receive any goods or services at a discounted rate, nor did Etsy.com or the owner of Gilded Shadows give me anything for free. I am posting this of my own free will to document our wedding plans, and to share information with readers about the process of shopping for a veil for myself.)
For those of you who haven't bought a veil lately, they are pricey. In bridal shops they are super expensive, and the one I ordered on Etsy wasn't what I would call inexpensive, but I do love it. I didn't want that cheap, crunchy, stiff veil feeling, and the ones I received are beautiful and soft.
I decided that because my gown is timeless, yet couture, I wanted a dramatic head cover. Once again, not a Cinderella look, but elegant and sophisticated. And I wanted the veil to be really long. My train is cathedral length, so I wanted the veil to be that length also. But then, what if I got tired of dragging it around at the reception. Maybe I needed two layers of veil, one long and one shorter. And I needed them all separate so I could have the choice to wear one and not the other.
I ordered a cathedral length veil separate from the cap, and asked her to make a second veil that is elbow length, also separate, in case I didn't like the longer one, or wanted to change to a shorter one for the reception.
It didn't take long for the package to come in the mail, but as I waited I knew that if it came and I hated it, I would just resell it and find another option. As soon as it arrived I couldn't wait to try it on and see if it, too, felt stupid. It didn't. I loved it. But I want to wait to make the final decision on whether it really works once I go for the dress fitting.
Next Post: The reception venue
Or no veil? Or maybe a small veil? Or maybe just a nice flower in my hair? Or nothing at all-- just a nice updo?
I still haven't decided 100 percent.
But here's the story of the hunt for the perfect head cover.
When I tried on The Dress, (referenced in the previous post here) the gal helping me brought out a veil to complete the look and help me make a decision. The veil did not help. It looked stupid. I hated it.
So she found a different one, a Russian or bridal birdcage veil. Again, not me. She found another veil that was about elbow length and definitely had a better shape, but I still felt stupid.
My Wedding Gown Shopping Entourage helped scour the store for something that would be the perfect touch to go with the absolutely gorgeous gown, and so did the sales girl. They came up with a few things that looked pretty. One was my favorite, but it was too white to go with the dress. It was an alligator clip silk flower type fascinator.
But I still wasn't really satisfied with it.
I kind of wanted a veil, but I was going for a sophisticated and unique look. I'm an older bride, so I didn't want the tiara, and I didn't want to look like a granny trying to be a Cinderella. I left the store with nothing for my head.
I got back online and started looking again. I found some really cool things on Etsy. I found fascinators and caps, I found jeweled hairpieces, and all sorts of things. But I decided that I really did want a veil after Chuck made a comment that my hair style wouldn't probably matter so much because my hair would be covered up by a veil anyway. That's when I realized he was envisioning me walking down the aisle, and that vision included a veil. And it wasn't that I hated veils, I just didn't like the ones I had tried on.
So as I browsed Etsy.com, I tried to find something that I thought would look better than a tiara and poof veil. Here's one of them, and not the one I ordered. If you love this one, I found it here. There were several different Juliet Caps on the Gilded Shadows Etsy site at the time I was browsing, and I started to fall in love with them.
I wrestled with which one I really loved, and I mean I really wrestled. I kept the photos of these veils in my favorites list on Etsy for weeks. I would look at them and decide on one, then sleep on that decision and look at it the next day and decide on a different one. I finally settled on one and contacted the seller to see if she could customize the veil for me. She was absolutely great to work with and I received the veil(s) exactly as I ordered them.
(Disclaimer. Neither the owners of Etsy.com, nor the owner of Gilded Shadows know that I'm posting this. I did not receive any goods or services at a discounted rate, nor did Etsy.com or the owner of Gilded Shadows give me anything for free. I am posting this of my own free will to document our wedding plans, and to share information with readers about the process of shopping for a veil for myself.)
For those of you who haven't bought a veil lately, they are pricey. In bridal shops they are super expensive, and the one I ordered on Etsy wasn't what I would call inexpensive, but I do love it. I didn't want that cheap, crunchy, stiff veil feeling, and the ones I received are beautiful and soft.
I decided that because my gown is timeless, yet couture, I wanted a dramatic head cover. Once again, not a Cinderella look, but elegant and sophisticated. And I wanted the veil to be really long. My train is cathedral length, so I wanted the veil to be that length also. But then, what if I got tired of dragging it around at the reception. Maybe I needed two layers of veil, one long and one shorter. And I needed them all separate so I could have the choice to wear one and not the other.
I ordered a cathedral length veil separate from the cap, and asked her to make a second veil that is elbow length, also separate, in case I didn't like the longer one, or wanted to change to a shorter one for the reception.
It didn't take long for the package to come in the mail, but as I waited I knew that if it came and I hated it, I would just resell it and find another option. As soon as it arrived I couldn't wait to try it on and see if it, too, felt stupid. It didn't. I loved it. But I want to wait to make the final decision on whether it really works once I go for the dress fitting.
Next Post: The reception venue
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Date, Venue, Dress: Wedding Plans
It occurred to me the other day that I should really be documenting some of the stuff we're doing to prepare for the wedding.
So far:
1. We've chosen the date.
2. We've chosen the ceremony venue -- our church
3. I've chosen a dress.
As soon as we had the date chosen, I knew I had better get on it.
I started looking online to see the various styles and silhouettes, but I knew I wanted to try on gowns to see what looked best on me. Although I thought an A line was a good thing for me, I figured I should try on a variety and see what actually was most flattering off the hanger and on me.
It was a fun process for me. I really didn't expect it to be fun. I like shopping for clothes, but in recent years I've not enjoyed it as much as I once did. I guess it goes along with getting older, having a ton of things to do, and what looks good is sometimes just not practical for me.
But back to the fun part.
One of my friends who volunteers at the school, Gwen, was in the office one day and I told her I was going for a scheduled wedding dress appointment at a local dress shop called, "The Wedding Bell." She offered to come along.
So the two of us went and I tried on about 10-12 dresses. The girl who was helping me there was super nice and listened as I told her what I thought I liked. She pulled the dresses, brought them into a huge dressing room and hung them on the rack, and then helped me in and out of each dress.
I would walk out to where Gwen was seated, in front of gigantic mirrors, and both the sales girl and Gwen listened as I dissed each gown for different reasons. There was the "too princessy" dress, and the "looks like a cake topper," dress, and the "trying to be a Hollywood star," dress. I was picky about the material, and I didn't want to look like an old lady trying to wear her daughter's dress. Don't get me wrong. Each one of these was absolutely beautiful. There really was not one ugly dress in the place. They just weren't THE dress.
My next appointment was at David's Bridal a week or so later. Gwen wanted to accompany me again, and I invited another friend, Shane to come along with us. This appointment was shorter. I didn't try on as many gowns, and the dressing room was small. The lady who was helping me was awesome. She put me in the right underpinnings, helped me in and out of the dresses, and helped me narrow down exactly what I was looking for. Once again, I would get into a gown, come out into the viewing room where Gwen and Shane were seated, and get their opinion. And once again, not an ugly dress in the place. Wedding gowns are just beautiful.
I left David's Bridal thinking I really liked the final gown I tried on. But I still wanted to go to one more place.
I made a date to visit "Something Blue," and this time Kristina joined us.
It was the same drill there, except I was left on my own to get in and out of the gowns, and there were no underpinnings offered like there were at the other two shops.
My entourage gave great feedback on each gown as I came out to the viewing area where they were seated, and there were two that I had the sales lady put on my account as my favorites. But I was getting worn out from trying on dresses, and with each one, I kept thinking of the gown at David's Bridal. Once that appointment was finished and we walked out to the sidewalk, I told them I really just kept thinking of the Vera Wang dress at David's Bridal. They all agreed that I should go back and try it on again, and they all offered to go right then and be with me while I did it.
Without an appointment, we walked into David's Bridal and a sweet girl there helped me into the dress and stayed with us to help me make the decision. She brought veils and other head pieces out for me to try on, and she was just great. Especially considering she was not my original sales gal, and I assume they work on commission.
I made my decision right then that the Vera Wang gown was my dress. I placed the hold on it and it has now been ordered and should arrive in April. I would post a photo here now, but I really want that traditional wedding day. I don't want Chuck to see the dress until that day, so I'll post a photo after the wedding.
Next post: The veil
So far:
1. We've chosen the date.
2. We've chosen the ceremony venue -- our church
3. I've chosen a dress.
As soon as we had the date chosen, I knew I had better get on it.
I started looking online to see the various styles and silhouettes, but I knew I wanted to try on gowns to see what looked best on me. Although I thought an A line was a good thing for me, I figured I should try on a variety and see what actually was most flattering off the hanger and on me.
It was a fun process for me. I really didn't expect it to be fun. I like shopping for clothes, but in recent years I've not enjoyed it as much as I once did. I guess it goes along with getting older, having a ton of things to do, and what looks good is sometimes just not practical for me.
But back to the fun part.
One of my friends who volunteers at the school, Gwen, was in the office one day and I told her I was going for a scheduled wedding dress appointment at a local dress shop called, "The Wedding Bell." She offered to come along.
So the two of us went and I tried on about 10-12 dresses. The girl who was helping me there was super nice and listened as I told her what I thought I liked. She pulled the dresses, brought them into a huge dressing room and hung them on the rack, and then helped me in and out of each dress.
I would walk out to where Gwen was seated, in front of gigantic mirrors, and both the sales girl and Gwen listened as I dissed each gown for different reasons. There was the "too princessy" dress, and the "looks like a cake topper," dress, and the "trying to be a Hollywood star," dress. I was picky about the material, and I didn't want to look like an old lady trying to wear her daughter's dress. Don't get me wrong. Each one of these was absolutely beautiful. There really was not one ugly dress in the place. They just weren't THE dress.
My next appointment was at David's Bridal a week or so later. Gwen wanted to accompany me again, and I invited another friend, Shane to come along with us. This appointment was shorter. I didn't try on as many gowns, and the dressing room was small. The lady who was helping me was awesome. She put me in the right underpinnings, helped me in and out of the dresses, and helped me narrow down exactly what I was looking for. Once again, I would get into a gown, come out into the viewing room where Gwen and Shane were seated, and get their opinion. And once again, not an ugly dress in the place. Wedding gowns are just beautiful.
I left David's Bridal thinking I really liked the final gown I tried on. But I still wanted to go to one more place.
I made a date to visit "Something Blue," and this time Kristina joined us.
It was the same drill there, except I was left on my own to get in and out of the gowns, and there were no underpinnings offered like there were at the other two shops.
My entourage gave great feedback on each gown as I came out to the viewing area where they were seated, and there were two that I had the sales lady put on my account as my favorites. But I was getting worn out from trying on dresses, and with each one, I kept thinking of the gown at David's Bridal. Once that appointment was finished and we walked out to the sidewalk, I told them I really just kept thinking of the Vera Wang dress at David's Bridal. They all agreed that I should go back and try it on again, and they all offered to go right then and be with me while I did it.
Without an appointment, we walked into David's Bridal and a sweet girl there helped me into the dress and stayed with us to help me make the decision. She brought veils and other head pieces out for me to try on, and she was just great. Especially considering she was not my original sales gal, and I assume they work on commission.
I made my decision right then that the Vera Wang gown was my dress. I placed the hold on it and it has now been ordered and should arrive in April. I would post a photo here now, but I really want that traditional wedding day. I don't want Chuck to see the dress until that day, so I'll post a photo after the wedding.
Next post: The veil
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