Expectation. One definition: A premeditated resentment.
So, after an unbelievably wonderful morning with my Valentine I was struck by how different our gifts were to one another. I write. He is great at planning. I am good at communicating my feelings. He is good at being romantic. I am good at receiving his romantic intentions.
I recently read a list of the worst gifts women had received for Valentine's Day. Some of them were honestly bad. Like an ugly purse with a Valentine's Day card in it for the girl he was cheating with. That's bad. But some of them were obviously a failed expectation.
I wonder. Is the gift really about the gift?
What if we stop expecting, and just receive what we are given cheerfully?
People give what they are best at giving, and sometimes that is their whole heart. You just have to adjust your sights to see it.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Would you do it?
I read an article in a magazine while I was at the chiropractor's office today. It was about flirting, and it told the stories of several married people who were engaging in a flirtatious relationship with someone other than their spouse.
I expected the psychologists that were sources in the story to advise against this, but they didn't. Instead the experts said there should be boundaries set by the two who are flirting, and they should make a pact, basically, that it won't go any further, even if the desire is there to do so.
I thought about how many people I have known in my life (including my childhood), and how many of those people have either cheated or been cheated on by a spouse. And I couldn't come up with anyone I knew who had a "friendship" that included flirting and had kept it just that, flirting.
Do you think flirting is healthy?
I expected the psychologists that were sources in the story to advise against this, but they didn't. Instead the experts said there should be boundaries set by the two who are flirting, and they should make a pact, basically, that it won't go any further, even if the desire is there to do so.
I thought about how many people I have known in my life (including my childhood), and how many of those people have either cheated or been cheated on by a spouse. And I couldn't come up with anyone I knew who had a "friendship" that included flirting and had kept it just that, flirting.
Do you think flirting is healthy?
Thursday, February 9, 2012
I just want to get this thing settled
and get my damn money back.
Over the years I have heard a few recordings of prank callers and the poor folks who answer the calls. I was handed a cassette tape in the late 90's by a friend who warned me I should wait until I was home to listen to it. He had made the mistake of popping it in while driving. He said he almost ran off the side of the road because he was laughing so hard he was crying.
My copy was a copy, but the quality was pretty good. Turns out that tape was a bit of a plagiaristic endeavor because the real, original, hilarious recording was done by a guy in Maryville, Tenn. and I have a CD of that original. Funny stuff.
But the "Whoop Yer Ass tape," as we called it, included a lot of that phrase. It was actually quite famous among the 20 and 30 somethings crowd in several states across the south. The prank caller would call a business and have a complaint and end up saying, "I just wanna get this thing settled and get my damn money back." The business owner or manager would refuse, and the argument would ensue and escalate, and the caller would end with something about whoopin' somebody's ass over it.
Lucky for me I didn't have to take it that far today. Lucky for them too ;-) (I'm so scary. About 5' 1", 100 pounds.)
I got online to check my bank account to make sure my number in my head was the same number my bank had as my balance. Uhh, nope. I checked the history and found that a transaction with a company called Min Pai Shop.com in Beijing for more than $370 went through yesterday. I printed out my history and did a quick search online to find out if this place actually existed. It did this morning. I briefly saw a site that had some black T-shirts. I immediately drove to my bank to figure it out.
I don't have my money yet, and I had to cancel my debit card and get a new one issued to me. I had to fill out some forms, and now I wait. The woman at the bank told me Visa will investigate. I actually did have more than $370 in my account and thank God these blessed folks who so needed that $370 odd dollars didn't decide they needed more than that.
And when I went back online to take a closer look at Min Pai Shop.com it no longer existed. Hmm. Interesting.
In the car, on the way to the bank, I found myself thinking, "I just want to get this thing settled and get my money back." And I snickered as I remembered the line, "I'd hate to have to whoop somebody's ass over this. It ain't nothin' to me to whoop a man's ass. You mighta heard of me."
You probably had to be there.
Over the years I have heard a few recordings of prank callers and the poor folks who answer the calls. I was handed a cassette tape in the late 90's by a friend who warned me I should wait until I was home to listen to it. He had made the mistake of popping it in while driving. He said he almost ran off the side of the road because he was laughing so hard he was crying.
My copy was a copy, but the quality was pretty good. Turns out that tape was a bit of a plagiaristic endeavor because the real, original, hilarious recording was done by a guy in Maryville, Tenn. and I have a CD of that original. Funny stuff.
But the "Whoop Yer Ass tape," as we called it, included a lot of that phrase. It was actually quite famous among the 20 and 30 somethings crowd in several states across the south. The prank caller would call a business and have a complaint and end up saying, "I just wanna get this thing settled and get my damn money back." The business owner or manager would refuse, and the argument would ensue and escalate, and the caller would end with something about whoopin' somebody's ass over it.
Lucky for me I didn't have to take it that far today. Lucky for them too ;-) (I'm so scary. About 5' 1", 100 pounds.)
I got online to check my bank account to make sure my number in my head was the same number my bank had as my balance. Uhh, nope. I checked the history and found that a transaction with a company called Min Pai Shop.com in Beijing for more than $370 went through yesterday. I printed out my history and did a quick search online to find out if this place actually existed. It did this morning. I briefly saw a site that had some black T-shirts. I immediately drove to my bank to figure it out.
I don't have my money yet, and I had to cancel my debit card and get a new one issued to me. I had to fill out some forms, and now I wait. The woman at the bank told me Visa will investigate. I actually did have more than $370 in my account and thank God these blessed folks who so needed that $370 odd dollars didn't decide they needed more than that.
And when I went back online to take a closer look at Min Pai Shop.com it no longer existed. Hmm. Interesting.
In the car, on the way to the bank, I found myself thinking, "I just want to get this thing settled and get my money back." And I snickered as I remembered the line, "I'd hate to have to whoop somebody's ass over this. It ain't nothin' to me to whoop a man's ass. You mighta heard of me."
You probably had to be there.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Vaginas, Groundhogs and Hearts
Caught you off guard by the title of this post? Let me explain by telling a little story.
Once upon a time I moved from my very broke (as in no money) little life in the south to a starkly different country called California. I was just getting settled in, and I missed my home, my food, my family, my friends and pretty much everything in the south.
And then my Southern friend, Karen, said she was coming to visit me in California in February! We drove to San Francisco and stayed in a little hotel and spent three days intensely enjoying that city. We did the usual touristy stuff, like Lombard Street and Haight-Ashbury. We visited the Paul Frank store, went to the restaurant where one of the scenes in the movie "When a Man Loves a Woman" was shot, drove by the house where 90210 was filmed, did some shopping at the mall, rode on the trolly, ate at Bubba Gumps, and walked for miles.
The Vagina Monologues was in town, and on a whim we decided to try to get tickets. Yeah, right. Sold out. So we sat, looking sort of like homeless people, with hand-made signs that said "We Need Tickets" as others filed past us, tickets in hand, to the not-so-nice guy in the ticket booth who told us we could try to get tickets by making a sign, and then proceeded to try to make us move from our spot . Guess what? A guy walked up and offered to sell us his tickets. And they were, I think, second row seats! The show was great!
While we were in San Fran we found out that Boy George was going to be at Virgin Records, and we wanted to be there just to say we had seen Boy George. And get this, while we were meandering around we walked into a record store and happened to find a couple of Culture Club albums for maybe $1. We took those with us so we could get them autographed. I'm not sure what happened to my album, but I still have some old photographs of us getting those albums signed.
Our trip was packed with activity, and I'm so glad we did all of that. On the way home we stopped off at the Jelly Belly factory for a guided tour. It was such a great time.
So this time of year always reminds me of The Vagina Monologues, and Groundhogs and hearts. And Karen! She has been such a great friend to me for so many years.
I've never been a big fan of Valentine's Day as an adult. Way too much pressure, but I love to decorate a little and celebrate it as a fun holiday for children.
Once upon a time I moved from my very broke (as in no money) little life in the south to a starkly different country called California. I was just getting settled in, and I missed my home, my food, my family, my friends and pretty much everything in the south.
And then my Southern friend, Karen, said she was coming to visit me in California in February! We drove to San Francisco and stayed in a little hotel and spent three days intensely enjoying that city. We did the usual touristy stuff, like Lombard Street and Haight-Ashbury. We visited the Paul Frank store, went to the restaurant where one of the scenes in the movie "When a Man Loves a Woman" was shot, drove by the house where 90210 was filmed, did some shopping at the mall, rode on the trolly, ate at Bubba Gumps, and walked for miles.
While we were in San Fran we found out that Boy George was going to be at Virgin Records, and we wanted to be there just to say we had seen Boy George. And get this, while we were meandering around we walked into a record store and happened to find a couple of Culture Club albums for maybe $1. We took those with us so we could get them autographed. I'm not sure what happened to my album, but I still have some old photographs of us getting those albums signed.
Our trip was packed with activity, and I'm so glad we did all of that. On the way home we stopped off at the Jelly Belly factory for a guided tour. It was such a great time.
So this time of year always reminds me of The Vagina Monologues, and Groundhogs and hearts. And Karen! She has been such a great friend to me for so many years.
I've never been a big fan of Valentine's Day as an adult. Way too much pressure, but I love to decorate a little and celebrate it as a fun holiday for children.
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