Relationships: Focus on the Positive

There is a fine line between focusing on the positive and being in denial in a relationship, but once you've established a loving, committed relationship I believe it is important to let the small stuff go. By the small stuff I mean the cap off the toothpaste kind of stuff.

There will always be something that the special person in your life does or doesn't do that frustrates you. I can name a few right now that he does. I've mentioned them, and he doesn't consistently remember to do or not do them.

And guess what? He has mentioned some things to me, and I find myself forgetting as well.
We forgive it and move on.

When we knew we were committed to our relationship I wanted to be the best person for my husband that I could be. I still fall short sometimes, in my view. But, I decided that I wanted to be sure that he knew I was his biggest fan. I thought of how awful it feels to be ridiculed, and decided I would never do that to him. I only want him to feel lifted up, and know that I am the person he can always count on to support him and be there when he needs to lean on someone.

There are so many people out in the world who are rude, mean, and freely throw out insults.  I want to be the safe place, the one he will seek out when he has had a bad day.

So I focus on the positive. I remind him on a regular basis why I think he's great, and so perfect for me. It isn't empty praise. I make sure that whatever I say is heartfelt.

I have a personality that tends to focus on what can be done better, what's wrong and how did it get that way. I also question everything, seek the truth, and I don't really believe something just because someone says it's so.

This personality has served me well as a journalist. But work is a different thing. Our marriage requires me to adjust myself accordingly. I admit that I sometimes struggle, since these thoughts and behaviors are in my nature. But I make a conscious decision to see what is working well in our relationship, and how great our lives are.

I find that when I intentionally focus on love, and approaching my husband from a place of love and acceptance, I feel great. The more I notice his incredible acts of love and kindness and acknowledge them, the more I see. It's kind of like that exercise of counting your blessings. You start with one thing, then two, and pretty soon you find so many things each day you are thankful for that your list is never ending.

We aren't perfect, nor should we expect perfection. I try to remember the Golden Rule and talk to my husband the way I want him to talk to me.

He speaks to me with respect and kindness. His intention is always to show love and acceptance. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful man, and I tell him that I know how blessed I am. We both know that we are.

It's a choice, really. Do we want to be negative, or do we want to focus on what is great in our lives? I choose to focus on the positive and let the little things be what they are--insignificant.