Let's talk about parenting

I believe there are way too many people ready to tell others how to do things. Especially how to parent.

What I think we all need is a little more support and a lot less judgement, and especially we need to be told that everything will be OK.

I recently read an opinion about parents. It was about parents who the writer said are so involved in their children's lives that their kids can no longer do things for themselves. The crux of it was to stop doing pretty much everything, and let the kids do for themselves or it would lead to a crippling effect on the child and a future of the parents phoning professors over a bad grade, and accompanying the kid to their job interview as a young adult.
The examples were unfair, in my opinion. I really believe parents know what their kids need. They also know their own limits, their children's limits, and their breaking points.

We all do things sometimes that our kids can clearly do on their own. I know from experience (with two children who are completely grown now) that my youngest child will eventually do everything on his own.

I'm a Montessori mom. Montessori education is done with the philosophy of independent learning. The basic motto is, "Teach me to do it myself." And so that is basically what I have done since Sean was about 2 or 3. But there have been times when I just couldn't.

I used to tie his shoes, even after he knew how, because I needed to get out the door and on the road. Any other time of day and he could tie them on his own and take as much time as he needed. Guess what? Brace yourself. HE TIES HIS OWN SHOES.  I know. Unbelievable. I tied his shoes for a few years, and now he does it by himself.

Until recently I poured his juice. Our refrigerator is not designed to hold large bottles anywhere except the top shelf. And our cupboards are high, and the cups are in there. So I retrieved his cup, and the juice from the frig. And usually I poured it, and kept the juice bottle on the table. And if he needed a refill, he would DO IT HIMSELF. Amazing. And now he's tall enough to reach the shelf and the cupboard, and he gets his own juice, even though I used to do that for him.

I've met some parents who seem very worried, anxious, and downright overloaded with paranoia. They worry about outside influences, lead in toys, and pesticides in foods. (I am concerned, too.) These parents are trying their hardest to do everything right.

My theory is that at some point in the late 1990's or early 2000, parenting changed. It seemed to be the age of competitive parenting-- Pergo strollers, Britax car seats, designer diaper bags. And also scared parenting-- is that crib safe? Has it been recalled? What about those diapers? Do they have bleach in them? You feed your baby Gerber baby food? For the love of God! Haven't you gone Organic yet?

My mom was a great mom, but she wasn't worried. It seems we are all worried about everything now.
I started to notice this new competition/worry craze when I had my youngest child. For some reason I got a little caught up in it, even though I had two teenagers who were just fine. But maybe things had changed, I thought. Maybe there were more dangers. Certainly it seemed there was more information about safety, and recalls of certain car seats and cribs. And any good mother worries, right?

We want the best for our babies, and our toddlers. And as the child gets older we want to choose the very best pre-school. Then we want to research the very best elementary school, and so on.

It's not something we are doing wrong, it's something we believe with our whole hearts that we are doing right. And I am completely guilty. I am trying my best to do what is right.

So if you are a parent, and you are trying to do what you believe is right, good for you. And, if you are a parent and you aren't that worried about pesticides and lead, or the best elementary school, or any of this stuff, good for you.

Our kids are pre-wired to watch how we do things, and then set about learning how to do those things on their own. They will learn. They will laugh. They will cry. They will grow. And they will grow up.
And to all of us, I say: Everything will be OK.