"Wear Something Cute, And Don't Take Any Crap": My visit with Clinton Kelly

The official photo.

Whenever possible I like to venture out and do something fun and unexpected. Something that I will likely never get the chance to do again.

Good ol' Facebook. Well, let me start at the beginning.
A long time back I saw a post that my aunt had shared on Facebook from Clinton Kelly. Until then I didn't even realize he had a FB page. But I immediately became a "Friend" or "Fan" or whatever, and have followed his posts ever since. For those of you not familiar with Clinton, he's been a host of the television show, "What Not To Wear" on TLC, and its final season just ended. That show featured real women who needed a fashion bootcamp, and whose closets needed to be stripped and reloaded. Now he is the host of "The Chew," and that show is about great food.

I vaguely remember hearing something about Clinton Kelly coming to the Macy's in Seattle, but figured it was not even
remotely worth the trouble of trying to get tickets because it would be expensive, or sold out.

Clinton's selfie with us.

But then Clinton posted on Facebook that he was going to be in Seattle, and that post had a link to the page to get tickets, and he said if they were all gone to come anyway and he would find a place for everyone. He was doing a Fall Fashion seminar. And the tickets were FREE.

So I figured what the heck. They're probably all gone, but I'll try to get tickets. I clicked the link, filled out the info, and Waaahoooo. Two tickets for me. And then I was trying to figure out who would want to go with me.  I decided I should first ask Lilly. She's into fashion, and I thought if she wanted to go it would be a chance for us to do something together. She was all about it.

Clinton telling it like it is.

This was my favorite party dress.

We were both not sure what to wear. It was a real tough one for me, but at the last minute I came up with a blouse with a Peter Pan collar, a tweed vest, dark washed skinny jeans, a chunky knit sweater, and my Keen boots and Origami Owl necklace with locket.

Lilly's outfit was a little more "rocker." But a 13-year-old can wear pretty much anything.

Our day started early. So glad we got up and got going at 8:30 a.m. The line started to form at 10 a.m., and we got there just a few minutes after because we were trying to find parking that didn't cost $10+. Found a garage that had a weekend deal for $7 a day, and we took it. AND it was a crosswalk away. (YAY!!)

We took the elevator to the second floor of Macy's Downtown Seattle and found the line.

I want to interject here how amazing that building is. It started out as the Bon Marche (pronounced marshay) and it is beautiful. Just looking at the architecture of the building was a treat for me. It is very old, and walking around in there just feels like you've stepped back in time. If you are into that sort of thing like I am, you can see more about the history of that department store here. This gives a historical timeline of when the first store opened, and when the subsequent stores were constructed, including the downtown Seattle store.

So back to standing in line. Eventually some ladies who work at Macy's came around with tickets to give us a number so we could step out of line to shop and get back in line, in order. We were numbers 32 and 33. We were very glad to be there early. Soon after we arrived the line was as far as we could see.

If you spent $100 in the women's dept. or at the Estee Lauder cosmetics counter you could get a picture with Clinton. I was totally fine with doing that. We don't do things like this often. We set about finding $100 worth of stuff.

But we had to be back in line within about an hour. Believe it or not, we both were having a very hard time finding anything we wanted to purchase, but it could have been because we felt a little under the gun. Later, after we were more relaxed, I saw a ton of stuff I could have bought. But I finally went down to the Estee Lauder counter and I was able to make it happen just before time to get back in line.

Once we were in place, we were kind of hungry, and I was thirsty. We were just discussing how great it would be if they brought us some water when some servers came along with trays of finger foods and spritzers. Ahhh. So good. Delicious. Macaroni balls. Never had them before, but they were amazing. Somehow breaded and inside that crunchy goodness was flavorful macaroni. There were a couple other things as well, but I didn't have any.

We were seated at around noon, and because we were number 32 and 33, we were seated really close to the stage. I think we were about three or four rows back. There were a couple of freebies on the seats.

The seminar was really great. He showcased trends for every age group and body type. His message is one that I believe in, and wish every person could hear. He talked about how important it is to realize that billboards and magazine ads aren't real. Those people displayed there have had a whole crew working to create that look. He also implored young women to focus on being a happy, nice person.

And he said, "Wear Something Cute, And Don't Take Any Crap." That message was on tote bags for those who spent the $100. And we were handed a little wristband to get the photo taken.

Though we were only a few rows from the front of the stage, when it came time for the pictures we were at the end of the line.

A friend of mine has been on the show. I knew she was going, but thought she was going with friends. While we were seated I spied her a few rows behind us.

She found us in line for photos. She had been back stage before the show to chat with Clinton. I was wishing I had been one of the 50 in the audience who received a free copy of his book, "Freaking Fabulous on a Budget," so I could get him to sign it. Lisa offered to run to a bookstore to get one for me. We figured she could get it and get back before we got to the front of the line.

She made it just in time, and I do mean, just in time. We were next as she arrived with the book. But they said he wasn't signing. So I gave her my cell phone to snap a pic in addition to the one the Macy's photog was taking. As Lilly and I got into position with him Lisa called out to me to turn toward her so she could take the picture, and one of his people said, "No. We can't allow photos. Sorry."

But Clinton said, "Oh. No. She's a friend of mine." Lisa was having trouble with my camera, so Clinton asked her to hand it to him, and he took a selfie with us! Then we posed for the official photo. And we were done.

Tired, hungry, thirsty, and elated because we had such a great time, we made our way to the nearest restaurant for lunch.

Thanks Clinton! So much fun! You are Freaking Fabulous!
And special thanks to Lisa, who traipsed around to find a book, and high tailed it back to the store, and also offered to take the extra pics for us. You are also Freaking Fabulous!

Autumn hues

Flames lick the edge of our wood stove, and the logs are glowing. Evenings are getting crisp here in the Pacific Northwest.

I hate to say goodbye to all of those blooms that lit up the gardens with vibrant color. I'm surprised the dahlias are still blooming now that it has gotten so cold at night. And I discovered another bloom today in the front beds. A red flower.

Very soon it will be freezing cold.

So, this could be the final bouquet of the season.

Sigh...

On the moving walkway, heading toward the holidays

It was Halloween Day, and I said to Sean, "Well. This is it. After today we are on the fast track to Christmas."

He didn't quite understand what I was talking about, but it's true. Once we've changed from the costume to the pjs and counted his candy bars there is a switch that gets flipped, and I feel like time moves a lot faster. Days whiz by and I'm in a whirr of Christmas decor in department stores, and non-stop Christmas music. I feel like I'm on one of those moving sidewalks you see at the airport. While I'm trying to take it all in, time is just moving faster than I can keep up.

Thanksgiving is a mere blip on the calendar.

I like my holidays in isolation. I don't want to be celebrating two holidays at once. My m.o. the past couple of years has been a boycott. I refused to participate in any Christmas anything until Thanksgiving had been properly celebrated.

But I'm feeling a shift this year.

Now I feel myself inching toward a place of acceptance. Maybe it's OK to have some pre-Christmas activities while we get ready for Thanksgiving Day.

Some of the cable channels have a countdown to Christmas on weekends. That means there are Christmas movies on already, and I found myself watching a couple of them on Sunday while I had an afternoon alone.

Christmas is so much fun. I've always wanted to prolong it as long as possible. Each year I longed for more time to soak up all the sights and sounds and good cheer. It was always so hard when I was a college student because exams fell in those first weeks of December. By the time I was able to focus on Christmas I only had about two weeks left of it.

I spent years as a single mom, rushing to get kids to school, get myself to work, zipping from one activity and place to the next. At Christmastime it seemed all was a blur.

My life is very different now.

So, maybe I'll try it this year to blend a little bit of Christmas with our Thanksgiving and see if it works for me.

Relationships are hard. Or are they?

A friend of mine is having some struggles with her relationship.
She said to me, "Relationships are hard."
I've heard that before. I've said it before, and more than once. I now realize it was because I wasn't with the right person. When you find the right person, in my opinion anyway, it isn't so hard after all.

I won't dare to try to discuss her struggles here, or those of another friend who is also experiencing some painful issues with a husband and trying to blend their families, because relationships are complex and difficult to understand when you are looking from the outside.What I will discuss is my relationship with my husband, and my observations about what makes our marriage work. I've had some that didn't work.

You see, when my husband and I began dating we were brutally honest with each other. I wasn't afraid to speak my truth, because I was completely and totally fine with being alone. I was doing just fine, and wasn't looking for anyone when we started dating. And he was done with being with someone who wasn't right for him, and trying to please someone by being who he isn't.

So we had that talk of, "Let's get it all out on the table. This is who I am. This is what I want. And this is what I don't want. Now if any of that is not in alignment with what you want and don't want that is completely fine. It doesn't mean I don't like you, it means we shouldn't waste our time trying to make this work when it clearly won't."
This conversation took place over many days. Probably more than a week, at least. And then even after that as we would think of more things to talk about, we would add to it. If he had ever dismissed my needs, or if his needs had not been ones I was willing to fulfill, we would have ended the relationship in those first days. We constantly gave each other permission to do so, and kept the conversation going so that we were totally open and honest with ourselves and each other.
Turns out all of our deal breakers were in total alignment.

I allow my husband to be who he is. And when I find myself frustrated by something he is doing, or not doing, I remind myself that I know him. We spent some time getting to know each other before we got married, so I know that he loves to work. I know that he sometimes struggles to communicate clearly with me. I knew these things about him before I married him, and even with these little things that I sometimes wish were different, he is absolutely amazing.

I can't expect him to change. He won't. He is who he is, and that is exactly why I married him. I know there are things that I do or don't do that drive him a little nuts. I try to correct them, but I am who I am also, and so there will always be things that I wish I could change but are just not that easy for me.

So, whenever something crops up that I don't like, I take a breath and remind myself that I don't know everything. I can't control everything. I have to let go and let him do what he does and be who he is, but if there is something we can do to make it better, we do it.

The great thing is that we can communicate about issues, and he truly listens to me and validates my feelings. In that regard I am truly blessed beyond belief, and it is one of the biggest reasons I feel in love with him.

Another thing that I think helps our marriage is that we both give. He gives so much to me. He is so patient with my quirks and mistakes, and he really shows me that he cares about me and loves me.

We send each other messages. They are random. Some days I don't get a message. Other days I get a message and a phone call. Some days I'm just out running an errand and think of him and send him a short message just to say, "I love you."

We don't argue. We really don't. For some people that would not work. They need to argue. We don't. We only need to discuss.

Pretty frequently I think of the vows I spoke to him during our marriage ceremony. I promised to approach him from a place of love and understanding. I try to see things from his perspective. And even when I think I know I have it figured out, I'm usually just wrong. His mistakes and quirks have nothing to do with any intentional slight toward me.

And I've learned that if I have an issue with something, I have to address it immediately instead of waiting. If I address it immediately we can have a calm, intelligent conversation and come to a solution.

We've bumped up against some things, we dealt with some things while we were dating and living together, and we've had some things crop up since our marriage. We have addressed them head-on and worked through them.

Blending a family takes a lot of patience, stamina, thinking outside the box, and attention. We are still learning what works and what doesn't.

We also have to take into account our backgrounds-- where we come from, both geographically and emotionally, and how we grew up. These things are not to be used as a weapon or arguing point, but instead to understand one another and give clues as to why we see things the way we do.

But we are not mind readers. No one is. It is completely unfair to expect someone to automatically know what your needs are without you speaking them out loud. I've seen some posts on Pinterest and Facebook about what it REALLY means when a woman says, "I'm fine," or "Go ahead and do whatever you want," and the list is longer than I am giving you here.

Saying things that mean the opposite of what you feel or think is a waste of breath. It's a waste of your life. We only have a specific number of minutes in our lives. Don't waste them with this kind of garbage.

You want that person to know what your needs are, but they don't. They only know if you tell them. So tell them. If they don't acknowledge your needs after you've spoken them out loud, or they choose to leave your needs unaddressed, you have a decision to make. And it could mean that you need to do some work on yourself before you can move forward in your relationship.

I really believe that the key to making a relationship work is to communicate clearly and honestly, and if what you are saying isn't clear, restate it in a different way. I've started using the words, "What I need," and , "I feel." When this or that happens I feel ____, and so what I need is ______.

This can feel really weird at first if you're used to arguing and yelling. It is best if you try it alone first, and just talk it through with yourself before you address it with your partner. And your partner may be completely thrown off by this if this is not how you normally communicate. You might want to preface the conversation with, "Hey. I am going to try something different, so hang with me while I try this," and then start with your "I feel" and "I need" statements.

A big thing for me is alone time with him. We have kids, and we have a blended family, which means kids come and go on weekends. We rarely, very rarely, EVER have alone time.

So, for instance, if he has been working a lot and we haven't had any time together, I give him a heads up that I need to talk when he has a moment. When that moment comes, and he does makes it happen asap, I start by saying something like,
"You've been working a lot, and I've been busy too, and we haven't had any time alone. When I don't have time alone with you I feel disconnected, and that makes me feel sad and lonely. I notice that I'm not able to function at a high level throughout my day when I feel that way. So what I really need is some alone time with you. Do you think we can schedule some time to do something, just you and me?"

There is no blame. There is no arguing. He doesn't get defensive about working. I don't berate him about working. I'm very specific about my feelings and my need. And I don't harbor negative thoughts and feelings about it. We find a solution together. And then it is over. We don't drudge it up later when something else comes up.

We read a book that our pastor recommended, and we worked through a lot of it prior to our ceremony. It's called "Discovering a Dynamic Marriage." It's a lot of work. I won't lie, it took a lot of commitment from both of us to work through the exercises, but I treasure the memories of meeting once a week to go over our work in those chapters.

In a nutshell, what works to keep our relationship great is:
Honest communication about our feelings and our needs
Addressing issues immediately
No name calling
No arguing
No matter what, approaching each other from a place of love and seeking to understand
Allowing each of us the freedom to be who we are
No unrealistic expectations, i.e., mind reading
Owning mistakes, but practicing forgiveness and gentleness with one another
No keeping score
No drudging up old issues that have already been dealt with

It makes me sad that so many people are having difficult times in their relationships.

Being a partner in a loving relationship has been one of the greatest things that has ever happened for me. If your relationship isn't what you want it to be, there are resources out there. Utilize them before it is too late. Most people who seek marriage counseling have had a dead marriage for at least two years, and so the success rate is low. If you seek help as soon as you realize you could use someone who can walk you through a way to better communicate, your marriage could be a success story.