A voice inside

My schedule has changed. I am no longer a slave to deadlines and no longer at the beck and call of a staff of people. I am now free to schedule my days as I see fit, and I can actually spend some time doing things that need doing around the house. I can weed the garden, wash the car, even read a book, all without that nagging feeling that there are at least 5-10 emails that have arrived, sitting there waiting on me to check them.

It feels great. I am free. I have a very different job now that requires a different skill set. I am still adjusting, but I love it. I am on a break from most of my volunteer responsibilities this summer, so I have a lot more time to be home.

But because I have more free time my inner voice is very hard on me, and it's getting louder. It tends to compare me to some ideal, perfect person, and I never measure up. I do my best to ignore it.

The other day I looked around the living room and saw that the laundry I put in the chair to fold was still there because I got distracted by a phone call. The pile of things to take to charity was still in the same place I piled it, and the bill I set out to pay was still waiting to be paid. That voice asked, "What did you do all day? You've been here, and you don't have that demanding job anymore, so why can't you get all of this done?"

And for a moment I started to think, "Yeah. Why can't I get all of this done? This house should look like a showroom. What is wrong with me?"

But when I went through the list of things I did do, I realized I got a lot done. Before 10 a.m. I had two loads of laundry finished, breakfast made, the dishwasher emptied and reloaded. By 11 I was stripping the beds and putting on clean sheets. With that accomplished, I was on my way to scrubbing the downstairs bathroom. By noon that bathroom was scrubbed and the floor mopped. I made lunch, then went out to weed the garden and water the flowers. I did more laundry, and by 3 p.m. was on the road to return some items to the library. While I was out I stopped off at the paint store to turn in the application for credit for the business. I went to the church to set up the materials for Sunday school, and then stopped at the grocery store on the way home, and when I got home I made dinner.

That seems to quiet the voice for at least the rest of the day. But it always comes back. And now it's nagging me to get off the computer.

Change is in the air

I feel a change comin' on. I don't know about other people, but for me change seems to come in a big chunk. I can usually feel it coming, and there is always anticipation and a little bit of uncertainty with it.
I've had to make some changes with the newspaper. I'm restructuring, and there is a lot of excitement, stress, sadness, and possibility. For some I know it will be scary and I might even lose some people in the process. I truly do believe I'm doing what's best in order for us to grow and put out a better publication.
There is also a change coming here at home. I homeschooled Sean last year with Montessori philosophy and materials. I use that term philosophy loosely because I am not a trained Montessori teacher. I have a Montessori outlook on learning. I think he did fine here, but given the chance I would rather have him in his old Montessori school. Part of the lower elementary education is collaborating with other children, learning from the olders, and mentoring the youngers.
There is just no way to get that at home. So while I definitely prefer having him home as opposed to a classic public classroom, I really prefer that he continue with his Montessori education in a Montessori classroom.
During his summer camps I have been talking with various people and found out that a public school near us is converting to Montessori. The school has gotten a bunch of grants, etc. and they are phasing in Montessori for pre-K, K, 1 and 2 grades. Of course in Montessori, the pre-K and K are the Children's House, and the 1 and 2 grades will be combined.
Their plan is to build a brand new school, starting on it next year, and convert the entire school to a K-8 public Montessori school. There is already one school in that district that has been a huge success. The lady who turned that school around is now coming in as principal at this one.
I'm beside myself with excitement.
We visited today. I wanted to first know if he would even be accepted, since we live in a different district. It was easy peasy. I had to get a release form from our district to transfer him to that one, and that was surprisingly painless. (I've never had good luck with any "school" bureaucracy, whether it was elementary or college.)
I didn't really talk to Sean about it very much because I wasn't sure if we could get in. I didn't want to stress him out for nothing, nor get him excited for nothing.
He prefers to stay home, but honestly I have seen a big difference in him since he started camps, and it is a positive difference. I just hope it will be the same at this school. XX(That's me crossing my fingers.)
I felt like this move was meant to be. As soon as someone explained what they are doing there, I thought it was the answer for us. I can't afford private Montessori. He's going into second grade, and just makes the cut for their Montessori plans. AND, a teacher from his former school will be teaching a first-second class. If this works out, he will have had Montessori education from the age of 4.
So we met the most friendly office lady, Michelle, and she was very helpful and welcoming. She said we could have a look around in the rooms, though they don't have everything in them yet. They expect a shipment tomorrow of the equipment and furniture.
Sean had his face in a sour pout, so we stopped first at the library. Strategic plan on my part. He loves books, and the library was his favorite room at his old school. I knew this one would be larger, and he fell in love at first sight.  He could have stayed all day looking at the books.
This move is a huge leap of faith for us. This school has been a very poor performing school. The enrollment has dropped dramatically over the years. It's a very old building. It's public school.
For him, it will be a big change. He doesn't always do so well with change, so I hope that he will settle in nicely there. I'm going to be very watchful. If it just isn't working out, we'll change back to homeschool.

Life of an Executive editor

This has been one of the most stressful work weeks so far. Not the worst, because I've had some bad ones, and have even shed some tears over the years. It's been rough, but I realized this week why I have the fancy title and make the big dollars -LOL!

Because I work for a non-profit, there are different rules about things, especially politics. So when a community member wanted to create and pay for a negative political ad - a double truck, and for those of you who are not newspaper folk that means two full pages side by side, I had to think hard. It was also a local, community campaign. I'm talking small community here.

I not only had to think, I had to do some research. This process took about 2 1/2 days. I'm a slow thinker, yes, but that wasn't what took the 2 1/2 days.

First I knew I had to approve the ad before it could run, and made that clear through the ad rep to the customer. Then the ad had to be pre-paid, and check clear the bank prior to publication. Not a problem. As I researched a bit more it looked as if we couldn't run the ad at all, based on the code I was reading pertaining to non-profits.

The customer was not happy.

I then researched more and found something in our guidelines that led me to think maybe it was the type of ad that if we ran it, it would require him to pay for postage. Our paper is mailed, and this had to do with non-profit stuff, so he would have had to pay postage at the regular postal rate of more than $1 a copy. We mail more than 8,000 copies. Yes, the math was looking scary for this person.

And he was not happy.

I assured the ad rep I was continuing to do some research on the topic.

Oh, did I mention this ad came in on Monday - deadline day?

I decided I needed someone with legal experience to look at the code and tell me if we would be allowed to run it. It seemed we should if we ran political ads in the past, and we have.

So I called on someone with such experience. It was late, I don't know, maybe 8:30 p.m. on Tuesday. He assured me that we could run it and it would not have an effect on the non-profit status.

Then as I started to really read the ad and wade through it for possible libel, I again wanted some help. I consulted with that person again, the next day, and though there were a few things in the ad I had questions about, there was only one item that he said could be a problem.

I again talked to the ad rep, and the customer agreed to omit that item.

This was Wednesday, I think. It could have been yesterday morning because my days have all run together now.

At the same time I was doing the research, trying to find the person to consult with, and calling my assistant editor and chewing it over with her, stories and photos were coming at me left and right.

Also on deadline day, I got a call from an ad rep who was in the hospital and couldn't contact her customers nor could she get to her paperwork to turn in her orders for ads. Guess who had to do that?

I'm getting off topic--sort of.

There were other problems with advertising this time, but I'll keep it to this one.

In the middle of this, the customer threatened to sue if we didn't run it. Now that didn't scare me, and I put it out of my mind as I tried to get to the answers I was seeking. Some people on the board were quite frustrated with that, and I was fielding those E-mails too.

The president of the board sent an E-mail message that stated the decision was mine, and they would support me in the decision.

Meantime, stories were piled up ready to be edited, and I had a couple or three of my own that I was supposed to be writing.

On top of all of this, I had a serious E-mail exchange with a staff member that turned into a topic for our staff meeting. And as you can imagine, the staff meeting was this week too. Last night in fact.

I had to collect my thoughts, put them on paper, and present them at this meeting. I was ready for anything. (No worries, there's a liquor store just around the corner from the office. I could hit it on the way home.)

I didn't need the bottle.

The meeting was the highlight of the week. I think it's the only thing that has gone really well this week.

It's Friday, and I still have to proof the paper this weekend. But for tonight, and a little bit of tomorrow, I'm going to relax.

Then I just wait for the bombs to hit after we go to print.

Even with all of this craziness, I like my job.