Serious talk

Lately it seems a lot of conversations are centered around death and dying. This post might be a bit much for some, so proceed with caution.

Death is a part of life. I have known that since I was little, but knowing it and feeling it are different things. As Chuck and I have gone deeper with our relationship we have discussed death and the emotions that go along with that experience. He lost a son in 2005. I almost hate to use that word "lost" because I know he isn't lost. But it does go along with the feeling of loss that overtakes us when someone we love so dearly dies.

I don't know what that feels like. The death of a child is unimaginable to me. Chuck is amazing. He has taken the pain and loss and done great things. The community is small, so everyone knows him and knows of his loss. I'm sure it makes it easier for those who are in the midst of experiencing a death as Chuck enters the room. He said it seems to calm people when they see him. He does have a wonderful heart and puts people at ease.

My mom was the closest person to me who has died. The death of a parent is completely different, I'm certain. And though most of us will experience the death of a parent, which makes it a more natural part of life, it is still so difficult.

Prior to that my experience with death was at a distance, sort of. I attended several funerals of classmates in high school, and a couple of good friends. Those times were really sad.

When my mom died I went through all of the stages of grief. I recognized them, but it didn't make it any easier. In college I read the book, "On Death and Dying," by Elizabeth Kubler Ross as part of a class assignment. I loved that book. I gave my copy to someone, but I think I should have that book on my shelf. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer I told her about the book and she loved it too, and gave her copy away as well. (She lived with cancer for almost 12 years, and said she went through the stages when she was diagnosed.)

Chuck has had classes on the stages of grief too. He's a chaplain with the fire department. Just after we began dating we were hit hard with bad news. A person in our community that we both know has been diagnosed with cancer, and the prognosis is really not good.
Chuck and I talked last night over dinner about how our experiences with death have changed us, and in a good way. I love talking to him because he is willing to be so honest and share his feelings.

Just this week I met with someone who shared with me that his infant son died of crib death years ago, and he was very angry for a long time. People seem to open up to me easily sometimes.
This man said he got to some very low points, but wanted to know what happens to children when they die and he began to read and ask questions. He said he believes his little baby boy saved him. He had never known Christ until he began to search for those answers for his baby.
Others aren't so at peace. I heard of one person who lost a child many years ago and hates God to this day because of it.

We all process things in a unique way. Some of us proceed through those stages of grief and it doesn't take very long, others go back and forth between a few stages and take much longer to heal. Some get stuck on anger and never proceed. I have heard that we should make time to grieve, set a time each week to go through photos, etc. I never did that. I just let it come when it came and it was unpredictable. Making an appointment to grieve seemed strange and unnatural for me. I'm sure it works for others, though.

My journey through grief was not easy. It started long before my mom was dying and proceeded until really just this year. I already knew the stages of grief, and recognized them as I was feeling them, but it didn't make it any easier for me. It did help though. I knew I wasn't going crazy, just going through the natural grieving process.
Here are some things I learned while caring for my mom as she was dying, and as I went through the grieving of her death.

Each day is a gift, no matter how bad it is.
The moments you have are special moments, no matter how mundane they may seem.
We are all stronger than we think we are.
Stuff is just stuff.
Whether you're rich or poor, you will die. 
When you die no one is going to remember you fondly because of your bank account. The relationships you build while you are here are what count. 
Our best legacy is family.
All we need is love, and love is what we all need to give to everyone we encounter.

My mom taught me so many things, but there was one great lesson she taught me throughout her illness and as she was dying:
No matter how bad things are, find a way to smile and be happy. Being bitter and angry will not make it easier.
My mom was always smiling and thankful for each day. I was in awe of her every day and still am.

Light Saber Saga Continues

It looked as if the light saber would be almost complete last night. Chuck brought the tools and parts over to our house and he and Sean sanded out some of the paint from inside the PVC so the metal pipes would fit into it. It was a very tight squeeze.
They thought if they got some of the paint scraped out of the inside of the plastic pipe, the metal pipe would slide into place easier. (The outside is PVC and the pattern calls for a metal pipe inside the PVC)
Chuck scraped and sanded and Sean provided moral support. Sean was eager to use the tool that sets the rivets, so Chuck showed him how it would work.

After getting the paint scraped out, the metal pipes still didn't want to slide in. So they tried vegetable oil first. That didn't work, so using their knowledge of science, and how plastic expands when it gets warm, and other things tend to constrict when they're cold, they decided that warming the plastic PVC and cooling the metal might work.
After dinner they set the PVC pipe in the oven (it was turned off but still warm) and the metal pipe in the freezer.

Yeah, that still didn't work.

They brought out a couple of different hammers to pound the metal pipes into the PVC form and it looked as if that might work, though it was creating a lip on the end of the metal pipe.

Then I heard, "Well, that didn't work."

There were several weak spots in the PVC because of the cutout design. One of those weak spots gave way. Because Sean was so excited to use the rivet tool, Chuck had him go ahead and set a rivet so he could see how it will look when it's finished.

This wonderful man is nothing if not determined to finish a job.

I made lunch for him this afternoon and took it to the fire station. We ate together and it was nice to sit with him for a while. It was a nice break for me because work has been especially difficult for the past few days.

He said he has already obtained replacement parts to start over on this light saber project. They learned a lot during the first attempt, and he's sure they can find a better way. 

That's not the only thing we talked about at lunch, but I thought it was funny that he brought it up. He wants to build one for himself, too. 

Beach time

We were supposed to be proofing the paper today, but we do it the old fashioned way on large sheets of paper. The printer is really old and was giving me fits. It just wouldn't print. I went to plan B and that didn't work either, so now I'm looking for a plan C.
I couldn't do anything about it today, so I went on about my day.

I met Chuck at his house this afternoon and we made dinner. Sean wasn't here, so it was just me and Chuck and Lilly.
Before dinner was ready Lilly wanted to go to the beach and throw the ball for Emma.
We piled into the truck and took Pug too. Pug is a pug.
Pug stays close to our heels. She doesn't really like the water.

Emma LOVES it. She's a Malamute.

She brings it back and drops it at your feet so you can throw it again and again. 

Fun weekend

I'm late getting this one in, but wanted to do it now before I forget. (Plus, I have some time because my phone battery is dead and I can't do interviews for stories.)

Chuck and I had talked about making Sunday a family day for all four of us, but it turned out to be a pretty full weekend.
It started when Chuck mentioned that maybe Sean and Lilly would like to go skating at the local civic center on Friday night. I thought they might like to have pizza before they went, so Chuck and I communicated about how best to get it ordered and picked up. I ordered it and Chuck picked it up and we ate here. After dinner the kids started playing Lego Star Wars on the Game Cube. I think they've found something they both really enjoy doing together. We had to pry them away from it.

So we suited up and took off to the civic center. It was loud, and neither of the kids were into it. We weren't there long and Sean said he would rather go to the skate park. (Chuck designed that skate park, but I'll post about that another time and include pictures.)

It was dark, but we went out there because it is not far from Chuck's house. The lights were on, so we ventured down and the kids skated for quite a while. Sean is a rough and tumble boy, all boy. Lilly is a girly girl, all girl. She was nervous he was going to get too close and make her fall, so she tried to stay away. But he's so excited to play with her he kept trying to go where she was going. They get along really well, but they are adjusting. When we left the skate park we spent a little time at Chuck's and then he and Lilly brought us back.

Saturday there was a birthday party for Sean's friend Max. We thought it might be fun for Lilly to meet Max's sister Madison. We took the kids to the party and Chuck met Aimee and Mike, Max and Madison's parents. After a few minutes, when we were sure Lilly was making friends, we left them there. They had a blast making their own pizzas and playing games. The house was full of kids.

After the party we all came back here for a little while and Sean and Lilly picked up their game of Lego Star Wars again and played for a while. I had to take Sean to visit his dad Saturday evening, so we said our goodbyes and planned to have Sunday afternoon together doing something all of us would enjoy. We were thinking of a hike or board games.

Sunday morning Chuck had planned to come to church, but he was running late. I was a little suspicious that he was skipping to listen to the Seahawks game ;-) He met us at our house after church and we went down to visit my grandmother for a while. Chuck enjoyed meeting grandma and talking about how things used to be out here where we live.  He had made her a nice cutting board and gave it to her while we were there. She is recovering from a fall that fractured her pelvis, and we're all hoping she will make a full recovery. Luckily she hasn't had to go to a nursing home and the family has taken turns staying with her. Oh, and she had the game on the TV when we got there so we were able to watch some of it there and were oh, so disappointed with the final score.

So while we were at grandma's the kids started getting hungry. They were munching on a big canister of pretzels. We left there to go to lunch, but they didn't want to stop to eat. They didn't even want anything, so we ordered Mexican to go and took it to Chuck's and made them each a sandwich. We thought we would go for a hike, but it started to rain. The kids wanted to play more video games and Chuck was able to dig around and find an old game system at his place that belongs to his son Alex. Sean and Lilly got it working and had some fun with that and then we made an impromptu trip to the beach with the dogs, Emma and Pug.

Chuck and Sean threw a tennis ball for Emma and she loved swimming out to get it. It was already dark and pretty cool and windy, so we didn't stay long. Lilly said she'd like to come back to our house before she had to to go her mom's.

(I think they are getting along really well. They act like siblings sometimes, each getting on the other's nerves, then they retreat to their corners for a few minutes and come back out ready to have fun again.)

So we dropped Emma off and we all came here and I made Teryaki chicken and fried rice and veggies. Lilly likes it, and so does Sean. I need to find another meal they'll both eat, because I think it's the only thing I've cooked for them. Lilly is a pretty good eater, but Sean is picky. And I'm not so sure rice, veggies and a few pieces of chicken are enough for my fireman. I need to find some new recipes that are kid-friendly that will also fill him up.

Fire and a Light Saber

Today was a free day. Sean was out of school and Chuck didn't have to work, so we planned for an afternoon/evening together.
Chuck is still clearing some of his property and Sean loves helping him pile brush onto the fire.

I had to stay back a bit and use the zoom to get this photo because I never know if Sean is going to cooperate with me when I have the camera. 

Sean had a great time feeding the fire while Chuck scooped more into the backhoe.

Once it started to get colder and the sun was behind a cloud I decided to go back up to the house. The wind was blowing and I was dodging the smoke. It wasn't long before they came back up and started planning for their project. It started here, earlier in the day when Sean showed Chuck the light saber he wants to build. They made a list of materials they needed in order to build it. Chuck has a little shop and he had everything they needed.
We took the list with us to Chuck's but we didn't have the written instructions for building it. When they came inside they printed out the instructions and pattern for it and went to work on that while I cooked dinner. I should have taken a picture of the fire in the fireplace. It was pretty dead and I got it started again and kept it going all afternoon.

The pattern is cut out of a PVC pipe--at least that's the first step.

They both had fun getting started on that project. Once they had the basic pattern cut, they brought the little file into the house to work on smoothing the edges while I finished up dinner. Chuck was a mess. I'll post the finished product when they have it completed. I think it's going to be pretty cool.

Sean loves hanging out with Chuck. They had a great day together. I enjoy watching them have so much fun. 

Grillin' and ice cream

I feel very blessed to have found someone who is so aware of how important it is to raise children with focus and intention. Yesterday we spent the evening with Chuck and Lilly. Chuck had invited us for dinner and said if we got there in time he would have Sean help him clear some of the property with him on the backhoe. We arrived later than we wanted, but a stop at the store and traffic delayed us. It was already dark when we got there but I could hear the backhoe when we got out of the car.
Sean took his new electric guitar and amp and a Nerf gun and when he got those things settled he ran right back out saying, "I'm going outside with Chuck."
He spent a little bit of time on the backhoe and got to drive it back up to the main property.

For dinner Chuck made chicken with vidalia onion BBQ sauce I bought him at the Charlotte airport from one of those souvenir shops. Chuck took Sean out to the grill and had him make it. We had discussed how to get Sean to try new foods and it was Chuck's idea to get him involved in making the chicken. Sean had two pieces. It was really good. I loved it.
After dinner Sean played his guitar a little, then he and Lilly had a Nerf war.
I wish I had gotten pictures, but I didn't take my camera.
We packed in a lot of activity in a short time because Lilly and Chuck made ice cream after dinner.
When the kitchen was clean we went upstairs and watched a movie together and ate the ice cream.
We all had a great time.

Home eatin'

While we were in Tennessee we ate at some of my favorite food establishments. I know for some people that isn't a big deal, but see, I left the South and headed to California a decade ago. I thought I might starve. There were other problems there, but that would be way too much information to put into this blog.

So, back to food.
Let me begin by saying none of these food establishments, or their parent companies, employees, managers, servers or anyone affiliated with them are paying me to blog about them. I got nothing free, no coupons, no compensation whatsoever. They are just my personal favorites.

I didn't get a picture of Taco John's, but that place holds a lot of memories for me. My mom and I used to go there on Taco Tuesdays when tacos were something like 59 cents, I can't remember. It is also the first place I found that would do a special order for my vegetarian tastes. Their Taco Bravo is my favorite, with refried beans, lettuce, tomato, black olives and sour cream stuffed into a hard shell and cased in a soft shell. mmmm. yummy.

I must have been slow with the camera when we first arrived, because I forgot to get a picture of Pal's. Pal's is a fast food place with a huge hot dog on the building. If you've never seen one, it is a bit shocking at first, but it soon becomes a beacon.  I believe it is one of the BEST fast food restaurants. For several reasons, but mainly because they get the order correct. And do you know why they get the order correct? BECAUSE A REAL HUMAN BEING TAKES THE ORDER.
When you visit Pal's, you pull up to the window and right there in front of you is a real live person. There is no speaker system. That person takes your order and directs you to drive around the building to the second window where you pay for the order and take your bag full of deliciousness that may include a toasted cheese sandwich (my personal favorite) and an order of Frenchie Fries. And if you're like me, and you enjoy a tasty, refreshing sweet tea, you can order up that bad boy for $1 and sip on it all day. I think it's 32 oz., and it is oh, so good.

One cold afternoon Sean and I were on our own and hungry. I was trying to think of a place to go that we don't have here in Washington and realized I was very close to Chik-fil-A.

The line for Chik-fil-A was around the building when we got there, while we were inside eating, and people were still coming as we were leaving. Inside this particular restaurant you'll find friendly staff who walk around to your table and offer to refresh your drink for you. The food is delish and I wish we had Chik-fil-A here. Sean loved it!

David and Grace took us to a place called Cook Out. I had never been, and they said it was pretty good food at a very reasonable price. Woweeee. Four of us ate there for less than $16. I guess they must be famous for their milkshakes, but I didn't know that when I was ordering. It was pretty cold outside, so I don't think we would have ordered one anyway. Maybe next visit.

On our final day there we got up and I called David and Jewel to see if we could all eat lunch together at Poor Richard's. Poor Richard's has two locations in Johnson City, and I personally prefer the campus location, but we needed to get to the closest one in the interest of time. We ate at the one close to the Mall. It was a great way to say goodbye before we headed to the airport for our trip back to Washington.

These were taken at Poor Richard's Uptown. The top photo is of Grace, me and Dave. Middle pic is me with Jewel, and bottom is Bjorn and Jewel. Parsla was sleeping in her seat.

A Tender Tennessee Christmas

Sean and I spent Christmas Day with family in Tennessee. What a great time we had!
We left out of Sea-Tac on Christmas Eve morning, not even the butt crack of dawn. Snow was predicted for the weekend, and we were prepared. I packed Sean's snowsuit, boots and gloves just in case.
Jewel, Bjorn and Parsla picked us up at the airport and it was a cold night.
Bjorn's brother let us stay in his beautiful apartment for the week and he stayed with his girlfriend. He was so kind and generous and even stocked the fridge. It was a nice place and we were very comfortable there.
Christmas Day we had already planned to head for the lake house in the mountains and the whole fam was joining us there. It was snowing, and Sean and I were excited. All but one vehicle was 4-wheel drive, so it was no problem getting there and out. It snowed all day. We spent the whole day there until dark. It's a beautiful place.

Sean on the deck at the lake house in Tennessee on Christmas Day.

From there we went to my dad's where there had been a house full of guests. We came as everyone was leaving, but we had a nice visit. It was still snowing.
The rest of the week we navigated the cold, snow and ice. Sean drove the 4-wheeler in the snow and did doughnuts on the road in front of Jewel and Bjorn's place and had a blast. He also spent some time playing their Wii and building the countless Lego sets he got for Christmas from the family.
I was able to visit with a couple of old friends. I met April when she was 3 and I was 2 and we grew up across the street from each other. I hadn't seen her in about 23 years. She hadn't changed.
Chera is a good friend from college. We were both in the psych program at ETSU and were great friends through those years and beyond. I hadn't seen her since I visited there when Sean was a baby, so about 8 years. She hasn't changed at all either.  It was nice to catch up with them.
The week was packed with activity. We spent some time at Bjorn's parents' home one afternoon, we went bowling one night with Bjorn, Jewel, Brett, Jen and Jean (Bjorn's mom) and had a great time.

Brett was pretty serious about his bowling attire. 

David and Grace took us to the Bristol Speedway in Lights and it was great! It was something to see.

Some of the lights were race themed. We got to drive on the track!

Once we had driven through the entire display we went to the pit and had some hot Russian tea and Sean roasted marshmallows in the fire as we all huddled to keep warm. There were amusement rides, but it was way too cold to do that.
The day before we were set to leave my dad took us on a trip to the shooting range. Sean was able to fire some real weapons, something he has wanted to do for a long time. I'm not really into guns at all, but he is. Dad is, of course, and so is David.
We also visited the Gray Fossil Site with Bjorn, Jewel, Parsla and Jean and I loved it. I think the facility will continue to grow and become a wonderful resource for the area. It's amazing to think that there were once camels in Tennessee.

I loved spending time with Jewel, Bjorn and Parsla and Dave and Grace. It was great to reconnect with old family too, who aren't really my family anymore but I still claim them. My former in-laws are just the best people in the world. I enjoyed visiting with my former sister-in-law too. She's always fun.
I wish we could have stayed a little longer, but I was also glad to come back. I hope to visit more often. I can't wait to see this little girl again!