Our lives are so busy. I spend a lot of time in my car, running from one appointment or meeting to another. I love to always have something to do, and I like knowing that I'm doing something to make a difference. Most of the running around is related to volunteer work. It is addictive, that volunteer work. Getting involved in community and non-profit organizations is so rewarding, but it sucks up a lot of time.
Chuck and I are both very involved in volunteer work, or local politics. We have made this demanding schedule work for us, but when we started the new business I began to realize how little time we have for important conversations.
He would come home for a quick lunch after working at the job site and I would bombard him with business questions, or try to speed talk in order to give him information that he needed to know, trying to get it all in before he had to head back to the job site.
That wasn't really working for me, and I figured it was a little stressful for him as well. So we have started meeting weekly to discuss the business. Last night we went for a long dinner and I had an agenda already planned. We got through all of the points on the agenda, also talked about some family business stuff, and then relaxed for the rest of the meal at The Melting Pot.
We made the decision to start this business so I could continue to work from home. I decided a long time ago that "having it all" didn't really appeal to me. I don't pass judgement on others who do want it all and attempt to have a demanding career and raise children, I just don't want to do it.
I've worked, of course. I just didn't try to climb some ladder to further my career, because I knew it would mean more time away from home. I would rather be there for the bumps and bruises, the milestones and achievements, and the mundane every-day conversations with my kids. It can be a really difficult road for women. Work that you really love is like a siren calling your name, but the reality of family needs is a daily reminder for me. I see the difference a walk around the property with me can make in Sean's mood. I can always tell when he needs more time with me. I also start to feel anxious and frustrated when I need more time with people in my life.
As Chuck and I discussed the need for more time we realized it isn't really the new business that is getting in the way, it's the extra volunteer work. Those volunteer jobs require a lot of meetings that happen during the evening meal, and sometimes require us to be away from home until 9 p.m. or later. I have already started dumping some of my responsibilities and delegating it to others in the groups. And I told Chuck that I have had to just trust that either they will take the responsibility or they won't, and if they won't, then that cause will just have to be picked up later by someone else. I'm spread too thin with all of the volunteer work and I feel like none of it is getting my full attention. I drop the ball because there's just too much to do.
And the people in my life don't get my full attention either. We have to cultivate relationships with the people who are important in our lives. The people in these meetings aren't going to be there for us when we're in need, or old and lonely, or sick. I am happy to volunteer, and I'm sure it's in my DNA, I'm from Tennessee-the Volunteer State- after all, but I am not willing to do it at the expense of family time.
On our way home I reminded Chuck that we have an event on the calendar next week, a family outing that he planned for us. He said he already has it on his personal calendar, and turned down a request to attend another meeting that same night. "I told them I have a family event to attend," he said.
He's a keeper.
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