Serious talk about serious subjects

Warning: This post includes talk about rape, bullying, slut shaming, and the show "13 Reasons Why." If any or all of these subjects are uncomfortable for you, please feel free to stop reading now.
If you haven't seen the series, "13 Reasons Why," and you plan to, this post will have some spoilers. You might want to come back to this after you've watched the show.

A couple of weeks ago, Sean wanted to show me something on Netflix. We watched the first episode of the series, "13 Reasons Why," together. He proceeded to watch the rest of it on his own, and I spent several days trying to find the time to finish it.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the series, it focuses on a high school, and specifically a group of students and their interactions and choices. Ultimately, the main character, Hannah, commits suicide, and we know that right away. She records herself on cassette tapes explaining the reasons why she felt that it was her only option.

At first I was concerned that the show was going to glorify suicide, and that the girl would be seen as a sort of martyr for her cause. It didn't do that, in my opinion. Though, since I've began the series, I've seen social media posts from others who believe that it sends the wrong message, I thought the show did a good job of portraying her imperfect humanness, and the people who could have been there for her if she had done more to reach out. It is fiction, but in my opinion it showed that there were adults who made mistakes, too, and that it portrayed pretty accurately the complexities, and stresses of high school culture.

I say high school culture because, so far, I haven't seen that same type of social order in the homeschool community. In high schools the athletes are revered, and seen as the most valuable students. Everyone else falls in line below them, down to the outcast and different.

This is nothing new. It's what we parents have all, who have attended school, experienced and witnessed.
But the way this series differs from our experiences includes cell phones, social media, and the Internet. Thanks to all of these, as well as some kids who make bad choices, Hannah gets labeled easy, and is called a slut.

There are two scenes that deal with rape. A girl who had been Hannah's friend is raped. And later, Hannah is also raped.

As soon as I finished the final episode, "Beyond the Reasons" came up next, and I watched it. It helped me to understand more about how they put the show together, and that they took everything they did seriously.

I couldn't wait to talk to Sean about it all. He hadn't watched "Beyond the Reasons", so we watched that together today, and then discussed the show at length.

I was anxious to talk with him about all of these subjects--Parties, drinking, judging, spreading rumors, rape, entitlement, consent, friendships, and the complex people that we all are. These are all tough subjects, but I think the show gave us a point of reference to have the discussion. I've tried talking to him before about some of these things, but having the show as a reference point gave our talk some added dimension. It also helped to watch the actors talk about filming, and how difficult it was, and the guy actors talk about consent, and rape, etc.

It gave me a chance to talk to Sean about victims, about how victims blame themselves, and to have others dismantle them, question their every move leading up to the victimization as if it is their fault somehow, is so wrong. The focus should be on every move of the perpetrator/rapist, and why his/her actions are to blame. What one person can choose to do in response to being victimized is not the same for everyone. There are reasons why people react, or not, in high stress and traumatic situations.

We talked about what other characters could have done differently. Another child tries to commit suicide later in the show, and we talked about what that child could have chosen to do instead. Even if they felt there was no alternative, there are always people who care, and there are ways to get help. Suicide is not the answer.

If you are reading this and you are having suicidal thoughts, or plans, please text: CONNECT to 741741
Or call Suicide Prevention Services at 800-273-8255.
There is also a 24-hour crisis line 866-427-4747.
Even if you don't think anyone cares, people do care. I care. You are valuable. You are needed. You are wanted. You are here for a reason, and there are people who want you to know that you matter.

If you have been raped, or think you might have been raped, here is a link to a list of resources: http://www.rapeis.org/support.html

Live every moment

We have a definite number of days here in this life. We don't know the number. For me, each day has to be the best day I can make it, and that means loving every moment.

Of course there are bad days. I've had some pretty bad years. Not every day of those years was awful, but overall, they were bad. They were bad when I was living them, and when I look back on them, there really were some awful things happening. Life can deal horrible blows. I've been dealt more than I believe is my share, honestly. Divorces, death, illnesses, losses. They all happen, and it takes a long time to heal.

But we must strive to heal. And even in the midst of healing, I believe we have to take pleasure in as many things as we can.

I went through a tough time, and I was having trouble enjoying anything at all. I was existing. I was plodding through each day, just doing what had to be done. It occurred to me that I should find just one thing that brought me joy. The only thing I could think of was flowers. So, I went to the closest store and bought a bag of dirt, a pretty pot, and one flower. I believe I started out with a red cyclamen. It made me so happy to see it potted, and on my porch, that I went back the next week and bought another flower and a pot. Eventually, I was going to that store almost every day to buy another flower. I didn't have much money, so I had to buy one at a time, and only what I could afford. That summer my porch was the envy of the neighborhood. I had hanging fuschias, and geraniums, and I planted a purple cala lily in a little garden bed. I spent a lot of time with those flowers, and they thrived.

My point with that is not to encourage everyone to plant flowers, but just to find something that will pull you through those bad days. With each flower planted, I pulled myself through a difficult time. Every day as I parked in the driveway and saw the flowers on the porch, I felt joy. When I went out in the evening to water them, my spirits were lifted.

In between that time and now, I've had bad years, and good ones. Sometimes life can put us into autopilot. Recently I recognized that I was in autopilot. It's winter, and I can't plant flowers. And besides, I have so many now in all of the gardens that I don't have anywhere to plant new ones.

Those flowers will bring me joy in the spring and summer, so for now I'm watching the sun glint on the water, listening to the roosters crow in the morning, reveling in conversations with the people I love, going on road trips, spending time outside, keeping in touch with friends, eliminating foods that don't agree with me, sacrificing house work for opportunities to have fun.

Kids, work, bills, errands, appointments, all of that can put us on autopilot. It's life, but not really living.

Live a life so full that when you get to the end, or you get to a point that you can no longer hear, or walk, or breathe, or see, you can say to yourself, "But I sure did live, and I made every day count. I lived every day doing the things that I loved. I spent time with amazing people, saw God's wonders, listened to the music of nature, and of talented musicians, and engaged in wonderful conversations with family and friends.  I watched beautiful films, and stunning sunsets. I traveled as far and as often as possible. I tasted delicious food and drink created by epicureans. I made each day count, and it was amazing!"

That's what I'm going to do.

And I'll share it here when I can.

Why TV matters

When I was four and five years old, I spent some time watching television. It was the 1970s, and the only thing that bothered parents about television in the 1970s was our tendency to sit too close to it. I don't remember my parents every saying anything negative about television.

Some of my favorite shows were on PBS. That has remained true throughout my life, by the way.

Sesame Street, and Mr. Rogers were my first television shows when I was young. I loved them so much, that I would almost cry every time they ended. They were mine, ya know? My brother and I watched TV with our parents, but for me, Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers were the two that were just mine.

Last night I watched a documentary, "I Am Big Bird." In all my years I had never thought about who was in the Big Bird costume, or how it worked. The movie was great, and Caroll Spinney, who is Big Bird, is such a sweet man.

Many of the Sesame Street puppeteers were interviewed for the movie, and one of the statements that struck me was how the show has changed over the years. New characters have been introduced, and Big Bird has not been on the show as much. The writers began writing more for Elmo. The show started to become targeted at 2 and 3 year olds instead of 4 and 5 year olds.

Suddenly, I realized why I don't like Elmo that much. He's OK, but I never understood the craze for Elmo. Remember when people were fighting over the talking Elmo one Black Friday years back?
The reason I don't like him very much is because he talks to babies. And babies aren't going to remember Elmo when they get older. Their parents will tell them how much they enjoyed Elmo, and they aren't going to care.

I already see that happening with my youngest, who his 13. He doesn't remember a lot of the things he loved when he was 2 or 3 years old. I remind him, and he shrugs and says, "Really? I don't remember that."

A lot of good memories for me start from about age 4. I don't remember much before that.
Big Bird, Grover, Oscar, The Count, all of those muppets were like friends to me at that age. I learned so much from them. I learned about the people in my neighborhood. Remember that song? "Who are the People in Your Neighborhood?" I also learned about being polite, how to count, and read and spell, and speak Spanish. I am sure Elmo is a beloved puppet, but I think those of us who grew up with Big Bird, Ernie and Bert, Cookie Monster--the one who actually ate cookies! and all of the rest of that original Sesame Street cast of puppets and people, have some of the best memories of childhood.

Well, Happy New Year

Life moves pretty fast.  It's almost the end of January, and I'm still trying to catch up with what happened in 2015.

I always send out an end-of-the-year State of the Union letter at Christmas. And for the past several years we've mailed out a Christmas card with our family photo on it. This year was no exception.



Christmas was peaceful, and drama-free for the first time in a while. Chuck, Sean and I enjoyed going to choose a tree from a local tree lot. It was really my favorite tree so far, I believe. We had a chill Christmas morning with my brother, and everyone got only a couple of gifts each. After a little bit of breakfast, I took Sean to celebrate with his dad.

But, on with the New Year!

Since January 1, we've had a lot house showings. Here is a post with a link to photos of the house, in case you are looking to move to the Pacific Northwest.

I've abandoned the idea of New Year's resolutions. Making a New Year's resolution isn't my thing anyway, but this year I've had a bit of a shift in my attitude. I suddenly slipped out of my former apologetic skin. I am who I am, and I'm not going to "work" on myself. Screw that shit. I'm just fine the way I am. If I exercise, sign up for a Yoga class, go on a diet, start drinking protein smoothies, do a cleanse, begin to hike more, drink more water, read more literature, go to a play, take vitamins, eat kale, or keep track of how many steps I take in a day, it's going to be because I came up with the idea, and I want to do it-- Not because I've been guilted into doing it, or because someone else thinks it's a good idea. And if I want to drink Coke, wine, whiskey, rum, or start smoking cigarettes and eating sugar, I'm going to do that.

That's how I'm starting off this new year. I'm doing what I damn well please, along with all the stuff I have to do on a daily basis.

Here's to 2016! It's looking bright to me!

Christmas Revels

Each year, if we are in town, we go to see the Christmas Revels with my Aunt Bennie, and usually my cousin Rhian.

This year's theme was, "A Nordic Celebration of the Winter Solstice."

Dancing, caroling, drama, traditions, storytelling-- it's all such a feast for the eyes and ears. And every year they sing a couple of the same songs, which provides some feeling of familiar tradition while still giving the audience something new each year.

It's something we look forward to all year, and I feel so fortunate to live in an area that has a Revels program.

Sean turned 13 in August

These posts are not going in order, but I'm telling myself it's better to get them finished than to have them perfect.

So, Sean turned 13 in August. It was a big deal, becoming a teenager and all. I wanted to do something really special for him, but as usual, when I want to do something really special, life has other ideas.

I did manage to write a message to him in a journal, that I hoped would mean something to him, but I don't even think he looked at it.
He wanted an Airsoft party, so that's what we did. We actually had the party in September. Chuck had already said yes to an expensive Airsoft gun for his birthday, and we invited the friends who are into it to a sleepover party. There were eight kids running around the property with Airsoft guns for a couple of hours.

We had pizza and cake, and hotdogs and Marty grilled some meat, and then the number reduced to about five. All boys, who spent the night in tents out in the garden area, where we could close the gate so they wouldn't be harassed by the dogs.

I took pictures, but this has been the year of losing photos, for me. I hate that I don't have any. I'm hoping Chuck took some.

This was us at Easter

I think Chuck had to work, or maybe I just snapped this one quickly while Sean was still wearing his tie, crooked as it was.

He doesn't like church, and he was still not thrilled about having his picture taken, either.

But here we are

An old friend came to town

Life takes so many different turns, at least mine does.

I lived and worked in Asheville, N.C. for a while, and when I was there I met Lydia. She worked at a medical lab where I temped for a year. We kept in touch over the years, and then lost touch, and then I found her on Facebook, or maybe she found me. I can't remember.

We somehow both ended up out here in the Pacific Northwest. I was in California for a while, and she was in Oregon for a while. I moved to Washington, and now she's living in Alaska.

Anyway, after all this time, about 15 years, she was coming to my area for a family wedding in September. Our kids range in age from 3-13, so we decided to meet up at the zoo in Tacoma one afternoon. She and her husband Phil brought fresh, delicious, smoked salmon, which we all enjoyed during a short break before we walked through the zoo.

It was so great to see her again, and meet her husband and children.

Sean performed in a recital

We hadn't been back from our Southwest trip very long, so he had missed several lessons, and we quickly tried to get some extra lessons in before hand.

The recital was in a public park in Gig Harbor in July, and it was so very hot that day with temps in the 90s. Unusual for us.

He hated it. At first he seemed OK, but he arrived without having eaten much of anything after being at his dad's.

He performed a piano piece from a video game.
He did pretty well, considering there was a huge crowd, he was one of the first to go on, and he was using an instrument he wasn't used to.

But he didn't feel that he did well at all, and he didn't like the experience. Swears he will never do it again.

Chuck was great, and as soon as Sean arrived, Chuck stayed with him until he was ready to perform. After he was finished, he came over to the blanket we were sitting on and collapsed. He was starving, and emotional. Chuck ran up to the restaurant to find something Sean could eat while we watched the rest of the kids perform.

I regret that it was such a negative experience. I know what I should have done to ensure that he was prepared, but we live and learn.

Adventures in the Southwest

I'm trying to catch up on some of the things we did this year. I'm a little bit behind on these posts.
Sean and I took a long, 21 day trip through the Southwest in June. We arrived home on July 6. 

When David decided to join the US Air Force I knew I wanted to be there for his graduation. I spent a few months thinking on it, trying to decide if we should fly or drive, and finally decided that the trip to San Antonio needed to be a road trip.

Chuck couldn't get time off from the fire department, but I wanted to be sure that Sean and I were there. Road trips are the best way to learn about our country, and I had never been to the Southwest.

I've driven long distances, criss-crossed the country from Washington to North Carolina, and back, but I'd never driven as the only licensed driver in the car.

A New Mexico road sign.

This trip was different in many ways.  I used my phone to navigate. In the past I have always used an Atlas. To get a general idea of how long it would take us to arrive in Lackland, I looked at the map on my laptop and searched each destination for driving hours. I mapped the general route online first, then just used my phone.

On our way to San Antonio I was booking hotels the night prior. The first stop was Pendleton. I booked that hotel the night before we left. We got settled into the room there, and I booked the next one by gauging how long I could drive vs. the closest city within that amount of time driving.

I stopped pre-booking hotels after a very bad experience in Colorado Springs, Co. We checked into the Howard Johnson there, and it was filthy. Not just dirty, but disgusting. There were sketchy people hanging around outside of our room, too.
We weighed out the worst case scenario--stay in a dirty room with dirty bed covers, or sleep in the car. I was hoping we could get our money back and find a different hotel. They wouldn't give us a refund, and we drove until I couldn't drive any more trying to find a vacancy. We actually slept in the car, but it was better than staying in that room.

There are only a few pictures, because I had a technical difficulty when I downloaded the pictures from my good camera to a thumb drive. They didn't download, and I didn't realize that and erased the originals. Ugh. So many beautiful shots just gone.
I think that means we will have to go again.

We had so much fun exploring Roswell, NM, and the UFO Museum was one of our favorite stops.

When we arrived in San Antonio we had a few days to settle in. The Alamo was one of our first visits.

Grace was overwhelmed with emotion at finally being able to see David again. We were all emotional and so proud of him.

We shopped at the BX, and I had to have this shirt. 

Best place to eat in Carlsbad, NM. It's called Restaurant, haha.

White Sands, NM was suggested by my son-in-law, Bjorn. It was so hot, and so white, and blinding, and awesome and  beautiful, and strange. Go if you can.

This was one of those weird sightings that make road trips so much fun. I saw all of these hands at a nail salon inside a Walmart somewhere in Texas as we were making our way out of that state. 

We drove part of Route 66, something I've always wanted to do.

We had so many of these landscape shots that were stunningly beautiful, and they all got erased. This is the only one, taken with a cell phone. 

Four Corners!

We stopped here to get gas. It was fine, but Sean and I both agreed that with the lighting, it looked like a scene from a movie where the main characters get murdered. That would be us. We were careful, but the people there were friendly. 

I hope to go back to this with Chuck. Sean and I stopped here, but didn't tour the home. 

Here's a quick list of the amazing things we experienced:
I stopped at the Pendleton store in Pendleton, Oregon to look around. It was something I had done with my mom way back in 2004.
We stayed at Little America Hotel in Little America, Wyoming.
We spent an afternoon in Roswell, NM and visited the International UFO Museum. We bought quite a few things there, and had our picture taken in the photo booth while wearing our Alien Eyes glasses.
Our eight days in San Antonio were great. It was really hot, and very humid, but we had fun. Our hotel had a nice pool, and Sean was able to play with a lot of kids there. He has even had contact with one of them, whose brother was also graduating when Dave was.
Sean and I toured the Alamo and walked around the city. We were there a few days before everyone else arrived.
David's graduation was very nice, and it was emotional for me. I am so proud of him. It is a big accomplishment. We enjoyed our time with him, and my ex and his wife and parents. David and Sean, some of David's buddies from Basic, and his dad, all raced at a K1 track. We all went on a tour at the River Walk, and had dinner at one of the restaurants. Sean and I walked forever back to our car, and it was so very hot. But San Antonio is a beautiful city.

On our way home, we took our time. We stopped in Carlsbad, NM, the Living Desert Museum and Gardens, the Continental Divide, and Four Corners. I saw a sign for a museum that looked interesting in Bluff, Utah. There were 12 or 13 little original cabins of the Mormon pioneers who came to Utah. I don't remember the whole story. There was a gift shop, and it had some handmade items. I bought an apron that was made by Mormon ladies there, and Sean got a sling shot, which turned out to be made in China, we think. But it was still interesting. The people were nice, and I bought some things to send to a friend in Australia.

We hiked to Wilson's Arch near Moab, Utah, and we stopped at the Hole in the Rock, but didn't tour the home. It's carved out of a huge boulder, but by then we were both tired and Sean didn't even get out of the car.

Some of the foods we enjoyed were Schlotsky's Deli, and Cracker Barrel, which we don't have here. But my very favorite meal was in Carlsbad, NM at the base of the mountain going to Carlsbad Caverns. It's a mom and pop type restaurant, with an indoor miniature golf course on one side of the entrance, and strange bar stools at the cash register bar that are painted to look like the legs and butt of women. The restaurant is nothing fancy, but the food was so very good. And reasonable. I had three tacos, refried beans and rice for $7. Sean had the country fried steak, and he loved it. I don't remember the total bill, but it was one of the most reasonably priced meals we had. Some of the most expensive were at the two awful Dairy Queen fast food restaurants we had to stop at because they were the only options. Awful. Both of them.

Using the phone to navigate worked out great. Sean navigated while I drove, and he learned a lot about the geography of the Southwest. Hands-on learning is the best! We had so much fun on this trip, and I can't wait to do it again, with Chuck next time.

Holidays keep me sane

When life gets too heavy, when the news of violence, intolerance and hatred seem to come at me from every channel and station, I find peace in preparing for the holidays. I spend a lot of time ruminating on these issues, because that journalism blood courses through my veins, and I need to know, most of the time.  But it's nice to focus on something as trivial as dishes and cloth napkins once in a while.

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Each Thanksgiving I try to set a nice table. Table linens, flatware, centerpieces and china make my heart happy. I don't have a lot of any of it, but I try to use what I have and change it up each year to make it new to me. I like using what I have whenever possible, and I'm not a person who buys new stuff every year. I get a lot of pleasure from traditions and using the same items every year. For me, these things conjure up wonderful memories that I get to relive every time I use them.

The table we use for Thanksgiving was given to us. We keep it stored all year, and bring it inside only for that holiday. It's pretty ugly, because it isn't in very good shape. The veneer on top and on the sides is starting to curl, and the leaf for the table is missing, so we use a large piece of plywood in its place. It expands to seat 10 comfortably, and once I get the linens in place, you don't even notice how bad it is. While this table is taking up a lot of space, and it's in bad shape, I can't part with it yet. We've had some good times around that table.

Because we were serving 12, I added our regular round dining table at the end of the big table, so we could all technically still be sitting at the same table.

This year, I started with an ivory tablecloth for each table. We have a lot of these left over from our wedding reception. Buying them was the best idea. These have paid for themselves many times over.

Next, I folded a gold lame cloth into a runner for the round table.

Small table.

View of both tables.

For the large, rectangular table, I placed a rust-colored, thin, wool shawl on top of the ivory table cloth. It has gold and brown embroidered ginkgo leaves along each edge. It covered the top of the table, and on top of the shawl I placed a gold, jute runner.

Unfortunately our candle holders are packed in a box. We thinned out everything this summer to get ready to list the house for sale. I knew it would take way too much time and effort to find them, so I bought new ones. These cost more than I would normally spend for such things, and I bought them at Pier 1, which in my opinion is overpriced, but I didn't find any in the first few stores I searched, and I needed to just get it done.

I mixed silver metal and glass, and whitewashed wood candle sticks, and I used cream-colored tapers. Normally I run out into the back yard the morning of Thanksgiving to get a few fall leaves and place them along the center of the table, but this year I remembered that my hydrangeas were still on the stems, dried, so to speak. I clipped some of them and mixed in some acorns and placed these around the base of the candle sticks.

For the small, round table I used a whitewashed wood pedestal candle holder that matched the candle stick on the larger table, which also had the sliver glass, and silver metal candle sticks.

I don't have more than eight napkins that are the same pattern, so I mix and match those.

We have a set of china from the 1930s, and we use it every year. It is a fairly complete set, and it works well for Thanksgiving. It even has a couple of bowls, a gravy boat, soup bowls and dessert dishes.

Arts and Crafts-era dish holder.

And speaking of serving dishes, I have a silver dish holder that brings me so much joy I just can't even. It's from the Arts and Crafts era, and although I don't have the original dish that sits inside of it, I make do with a shallow, clear glass dish with handles. I found this beautiful girl at a thrift store, and I was so excited to pay the $1 for it.

Turkey, stuffing, yams, a couple of new recipes that I found and tried, and everyone liked, including a recipe for Parker House Rolls, and a mushroom yogurt pie with spinach crust, and pies, of course. Our home was filled with people, and everything that I love about Thanksgiving.

A Theory for Preventing Violence

Our television broke about a month ago.

We ordered a part to try to fix it, but that didn't work, so we waited until we had some extra money to get a new one. That was yesterday.

As anyone who lives in the U.S. knows, and probably beyond the U.S., we had another mass shooting this week. I was glad to not have a television that day. In the past I've chosen not to turn on the TV when there has been such a tragedy. I find I can do much better with the information if I'm reading it, and I choose to retell it to my child with age appropriate information, instead of having him experience the trauma of a TV report that I can't filter.

I have a Bachelor's Degree in psychology, which really just gives you the opportunity to study a few things and then apply for graduate school. I didn't. I moved on to a different career, but I've always been interested in human behavior, and I'm a natural observer. I also always want information, and want to know why, and how to fix things.

I have my own theories on why these shootings are happening. I don't know if they align with anyone else's theories, because the only ones I see are those of people fighting over gun rights and gun laws.

I can say that I didn't want to hear the guy's name, and I knew that I could probably write my own report without even doing research or talking to any witnesses. (I've been a newspaper reporter.) It was going to be the same story I had heard before, same type of person, a loner, an extremist of some kind. It wasn't going to actually make sense, even if we found out the motivation for it.

Here's what I think:

The people who want to kill others were children not that long ago. Somewhere along the way, something went wrong. They were either always marginalized, seen as odd, treated as odd, pushed to the outside of the group, not accepted at school, made fun of, bullied, or something similar-OR

There could also have been a trauma that left them feeling empty inside, and their way of thinking became illogical. Their reasoning became flawed.
It's not an excuse, but let's get real. We all want to know that we aren't alone. We want to be part of something, part of a family at the very least, a community, to be validated, seen as a valuable contributor.

I do believe we need more access to mental health, and we need to stop making people feel badly about needing counseling or psychiatric help.

But what I believe is the root of the problem is our society. It's the way our culture has evolved.
In short, we focus on things that don't really matter. We work harder for stuff. Some of us don't even make enough money to have stuff, but are so consumed with the idea that if we have stuff we somehow are better or more important, that we forget that there are real life people all around us.

We have stopped having real relationships. Our kids are raising themselves. We don't have enough conversations. We don't spend enough time together, just being together.

When we spend time together, and really listen to each other, we are better equipped to recognize when someone needs help. We can see the moment something starts to change in them.

I don't know if this would work. I, luckily, have never had to test it out. But what if we intervened. What if we recognized that someone was thinking illogically? What if instead of judgment, we offered them a chance to get help with that? What if we could see that their way of looking at the world was skewed in a dangerous way, and getting them to a psychiatrist could be as easy as going to the Urgent Care?

I recently read an article, the first I've read about the shooting that happened three days ago, that gave information about the sheriff who declined to name the shooter, and then the reasons why criminologists and ethicists need information about the shooters to help prevent future acts of violence.

I guess we only hear about the ones that aren't prevented, but I'd really like to see a story about what they ARE doing to prevent these horrific tragedies. I've been waiting since 1999.

House with acreage for sale

It's been a topic for four years, but we finally listed our house for sale on Aug. 1.

It was a lot of work just getting things organized and cleared out. Sean and I worked hard on all of our stuff before we took off on a trip to Texas in June. (More on that next time.) I packed up all of the homeschool shelves, and most of the materials. I kept out only a few things that could be stored in our ottoman. We got back in July and then Chuck and I hit the ground running to try to get everything cleaned and ready for showings.

We've made a lot of changes to it in the four years we've talked about it. We turned the shed into an actual room, with tile floor and made it into a room to hang out. Chuck enclosed the storage area above the shed and added more shelving to make a great storage space. He also installed a countertop and sink in the garden area for a potting table. He added a concrete floor to the shop area, and added more roofing there for extra covered space. He put in water and electric toward the front of the property to help with irrigation.

I've done a little bit of work on the flower gardens. I dug up some things and transplanted them, and I planted some new bulbs a couple of years ago. I also added several potted hydrangeas, which I plan to take when we move, and some annuals this summer, including hanging pots for the front and back porches, and the gazebo.

We've made some changes in the house. We replaced the carpet in the living room and hallway with a beautiful hard wood floor a couple of years ago.

The rest of the changes have been cosmetic with decor and furniture. Those things won't go with the sale, but they enhance the overall look of the place. We added a large tapestry above the fireplace, which I believe showcases the vaulted ceiling and fills the space nicely. We've got a new couch and curtains in the living room, a dining set, some extra touches in the master bath, the bed linens, and some art work here and there that make the house look nice.

We can't make any real plans about what is next for us until this home sells, but the market is great right now.  We've had half a dozen showings and feel confident that the house will sell. I'm not sure if we will rent while we look for another place, or if we will buy right away.

Our hope is to find a piece of land and build a new home. Whatever happens, I'm certain that we will end up where we belong.

In case you are looking for a new home, here's the link to the listing:
http://www.matrix.nwmls.com/Matrix/Public/Portal.aspx?k=2447435XQX4N&p=DE-50776616-98#1

For All Women-Especially the 30-somethings

What To Expect When You're Expecting Menopause

You might think this doesn't pertain to you. Stop. Do not click off of this page. This IS FOR YOU if you are a woman of any age, but especially if you are in your mid-to-late 30s, or 40s.

Some women would rather not know, and just want to be surprised when the time comes for menopause to begin. If that describes you, go ahead and click off of this page.

Oh, and before you read any further, there are some bad words in this post. 

If you are still reading, you should know that you can begin to experience pre-menopausal symptoms as early as your 30s.

Anyone can look in a medical manual, or get basic information from a doctor about the changes that will occur during menopause, but how many of them have explained the process to you? A manual isn't another woman who knows, giving you the whatfors. And most women see a doctor who is either a man, who obviously hasn't experienced, nor will he ever understand, the symptoms, or a woman who hasn't reached menopause yet. Although they try to be helpful, they have NO IDEA.

That's right. None!

So, sisters, this is for you. Settle in. Make a cup of tea, iced or hot, it doesn't matter. Curl up with a soft throw, and you might want a box of tissues as you read this post. If you've already reached menopause, you know what to do. Skip the hot tea. Skip the throw, and instead throw open that window.

What To Expect First

You will begin to feel symptoms of menopause long before you reach menopause. There is no way to know exactly when this will happen. Usually between the late 30s and 40s. This is called peri-menopause, but who really cares what it's called. It sucks. You could call it suckopause, or you can name it after your least favorite person, or even use a curse word. I like the word son-of-a-bitch, because I tend to mutter son-of-a-bitch under my breath when I have some of these symptoms. But technically that is more than one word. Feel free to string some bad words together and use them as either adjectives or verbs when saying the word peri-menopause, or menopause.

You will curse. Believe me. You will curse. If you've not been the cursing type, get used to this new part of yourself, but if you can, try to mutter the curse words under your breath. Cursing in public for no apparent reason could make things worse. You'll be suffering. You don't need people staring at you as if you need mental health services, or calling the police, or screaming at you because you just called their toddler a mother*&^%%$$. Which you didn't, you just blurted it out loudly in that general direction. But parents are sensitive.

Maybe you already have mental health services, and if you do, own that shit. Wear it like a badge, because honey, you are better off than the rest of us who are denying that we need it.

But this first phase, Phase One, is manageable. You most likely will feel a bit warm sometimes, especially when you go to bed. You might wake up cold from a bout of the sweats, kind of like a fever. And it can trick you into thinking maybe you had a fever that broke in the middle of the night and you didn't even know you had one.

That is a trick. You didn't have a fever. It's night sweats. But here's the kicker...Waaait for iiit... You skip periods.

I know. Great, huh? Youbetcha. Except for the paranoia of thinking you might be pregnant again. That's not very fun, but boy are those period-free months great.

If you keep a calendar, and have always paid close attention to your menstrual cycle, you might notice that your period shows up late, or early, sometimes not at all. Sometimes you skip a couple of months at a time.

This is the good part, so go ahead and sit in a yoga pose, breathe deeply, and focus on that good part there. "Oooommmm. I won't have to buy pads or tampons this month. Oooooommmmmmm. I don't have PMS this month. Ooooommmm." (What you save in spending on pads and tampons this month might get spent on pregnancy tests. Just sayin'.)

You will want to get used to either cursing, or saying Ooooommmm. Here's why: Your moods will begin to be as unpredictable as your cycle.

That's right. If you've been a cool cucumber all your adult life, that's about to change.

You'll have great days, sure, but you'll have moments on those great days when you feel a bit homicidal. Just for a few minutes. It won't last. You'll be back to your cool self in moments. And then when you aren't expecting it, it will come on again, that homicidal rage feeling. It can be over something as small as misplacing your keys, or someone might say something that you take the wrong way.

Again. Say it with me, Ooooommmm. Or you can choose a curse word from your list of favorites. Either way, it will help. But whatever you do, DON'T kill anyone. Really, if you start to feel serious about the homicide thing, seek immediate mental health services. For real. And don't be ashamed. You're a menopause warrior now.

Get ready for this, because we're still in phase one, here.

You can also experience a period from hell. I mean just as you are in the midst of reveling in the non-periodness of it all, the next one can require those mega pads that I call horse pads, and it could last for two weeks. Not kidding. So even if you skip a month, buy tampons and pads anyway.

Oh, and you'll start to gain weight. It came on slowly for me, kind of sneaky-like. I gained a pound or two, and then another pound. And then a couple more. I gained about five pounds in Phase One.

But Phase One is manageable.

There is no way to predict how long Phase One will last. Maybe that is why doctors don't bother talking about these things in a way that helps us get ready for it. Maybe menopause is just too unpredictable to address.

Phase One lasted about three years for me.

Phase Two:

For some, Phase One is not bad at all, and they skip right on to Phase Three. I haven't heard of it, but I guess there could be some women who don't go through phases at all, and their periods just stop and that is it. I haven't heard of it, but then, how many of us have heard much of anything about menopause?

It is most likely that you will experience something similar to these phases.

So. You've been in Phase One for a while. You've gotten used to missing some periods here and there, and maybe you've had a few times when you felt a bit warm, just needed a little extra breeze, or had to turn the air conditioning down a degree or two.

Now, Phase Two begins.

In Phase Two the periods are all over the place. There is no way to predict when they will start or end. You might skip three or four months. The next one might arrive like it used to, back in the day, before Phase One. Remember back when you had those wonderful, predictable periods? Ah, don't you miss those days now?

You might have a period that plays out just as predicted, and then it ends, right on time. And you might think you're going back to normal again, back to the pre-peri-menopause days. But a week later, that period is back. Like a bitch.

This can go on and on. You need to keep pads and tampons on hand, because you just never know when this will strike, how intense it will be, or how long it will last. Go to Costco, if you have one, and get the largest box of your favorite feminine hygiene products. (Seriously, if you experience a period that lasts for an extended amount of time, you definitely should seek medical attention. It can be dangerous, and most likely you will be iron-depleted.)

Also in Phase Two, what used to be just a warmth that required a little extra breeze has now turned into an internal inferno. It starts somewhere in the gut and radiates out to the edges of the torso, working it's way down the legs and up the chest to the arms and face, all at the same time. Your body will feel like it is on fire. You will sweat in places you might not have sweat before. Like your knees. Yes, ladies, your knees can sweat.

Try to remain calm. Softly mutter your preferred curse word under your breath so as not to disturb anyone, or generate any extra heat. Slowly make your way to an open window, or step outside into cool air, or inside into cool air, depending on the time of year. Whatever you do, do not panic. The more you panic and begin to flail your arms to cool yourself, or find a newspaper or magazine to fan yourself, the longer it will last. These hot flashes usually last for only 30 seconds to a minute at the very most.

I know, it's hard. The moods, the hot flashes, and the moods because of the hot flashes. Mental health services might not be a bad idea at this point.

Those occasional night sweats are now more frequent in Phase Two. They can be so intense that you search for a dry spot on the sheets so you don't freeze to death in the middle of the night. You won't find one. Just get up and go to the bathroom for a towel. Two, actually. One for your body that is literally dripping with sweat, as if you just came out of a sauna, and another for the bed. Actually, you might need more than one for the bed.  Place those over the drenched sheet. Don't change the sheets. It might happen again before morning. (I know, the top cover is also wet and now you're freezing. Don't worry. You'll warm up soon.)

If you're a spooner, or a cuddler, those days are over, honey. You might get a minute or two of spooning in bed with your loved one, but any longer than that and you will be throwing the covers off, opening the window as wide as it will go, or leaping out of the bed, headed for the freezer for that refreshing cold air.

You will gain more weight. I gained another five pounds in Phase Two, bringing me to 10 extra pounds at that point.

Now, at this juncture you might be ready to talk to your doctor about what to do for these awful symptoms. You may have offended someone in your family by now, and your friends?--they might be wondering what is up with all of the cursing and erratic moods.

I did this. I asked, and my doctor gave me birth control pills. I was 41. I don't recommend this route whatsoever. Not at all. But that is my opinion.

I got no clear answer from my doctor about how long I would need to take these to get my hormones back in balance. I think I took them for six months.  I ended up taking myself off of them because I could no longer afford them. I didn't have health insurance at the time. Those pills made my periods stop altogether, made me feel kind of sick, like I was pregnant, and made me bloat, and I had started to gain the extra weight. I had taken birth control pills before, in my 20s, and this time around they were not my friend.

Coming off of the birth control pills was so much worse than the symptoms of peri-menopause. So, so, so, much worse. I couldn't even walk a few feet without breaking out in a total body sweat. I felt like I would throw up each time. To walk from my living room to the kitchen was a huge effort. I was dealing with sweat, hell-fire hot flashes, nausea, fatigue and raging mood swings while trying to work, run a house and be a single mom. I wished that I had never started taking the pills.

Since that time I've had a second opinion, and my current doctor says she would not ever give birth control pills to a woman of that age. She has a variety of options, one of them being hormone replacement.

My Phase Two lasted a couple of years.

And here's what to expect in what I believe is the final phase, Phase Three:

Phase Three includes night sweats, hot flashes, and occasional ickyness kind of like PMS.
The periods stop altogether.

The moods will level out, but you'll gain more weight, which might put you in a bad mood.

If you were always a sex kitten, brace yourself. You're going to look at sex in a whole new way. You might not care much about it sometimes. Or you might not want it at all.

On top of that, your vejayjay might not like sex, either. It might even hate it. It could be painful. Things change down there, and it ain't pretty, sisters. Dryness is just the beginning. The lack of estrogen causes physical changes, and makes our vejayjay less flexible and the tissues are thinner.

Other parts of your body will change, too.

Your hair will change. Most likely it will get thinner and limper, but it could get curlier and thicker.

If you once had beautiful fingernails, that could change. They can get brittle and dry.

Your skin, too. That will be drier than before.

You could see a change in the way your body reacts to, and processes, foods. My body doesn't process foods the same way it used to. I can't drink milk. Bread makes me bloat, leading me to believe I am possibly becoming gluten intolerant. Corn is in almost everything, and I don't process corn well at all.

Here's what I'm doing to try to help with these symptoms.

I'm starting to take daily doses of calcium, Vitamin D, and Vitamin E. I use a daily moisturizer for my face, which I've always done since my 20s, and I use a really good body lotion. I use a moisturizing soap in the shower also.

I'm not super worried about the weight, because I had some room to grow, so to speak, anyway. But I don't really like how my body is right now, so I'm trying to get more exercise, eat more whole foods and drink more water and tea. I buy organic, fresh vegetables and fruits when I can, and stay away from meats and dairy that could have growth hormone or antibiotics. We have chickens, and feed them the best feed available that is non-GMO, organic feed, so we have great eggs.

I notice that when I eat processed foods, or fast foods frequently, I feel worse. And for me, corn is a trigger. I have more hot flashes and night sweats when I eat things that contain corn syrup, so I'm trying to eliminate those altogether.

I'm seeing a chiropractor and a massage therapist due to a car accident a few years ago, but I think they also help with some of the symptoms.

I haven't tried any of the options my current doctor has told me about just yet. I keep thinking I'll be able to handle it. For the most part, I'm doing fine, but I am concerned about bone loss, osteoporosis, and whatever might be happening inside, so I'm beginning to think about the options.

I'm going the natural route as much as possible, but if this doesn't appeal to you, definitely go to your doctor to get whatever you believe will help you.

If you are a 30-something woman, start talking to your doctor now. And don't let them tell you you're too young to worry about it. Definitely don't worry about it, but get informed.

I'm sharing this to help other women. Most of us had a mother, aunt, or older sister to give us the information about our changing bodies as we approached puberty. We need a similar talk about menopause.

Lastly, I'm still in Phase Three, so I don't know what is ahead of me, or for you. I'm hoping this is the final phase, and that the worst is behind me. If something different happens, I'll update with a new post.

I do know that there are some great things about this phase. One is that I don't worry about birth control. Another is that I've discovered a feeling of calm and peace in who I really am. I don't care what others think, never really have, but now I am just ready to be who I am meant to be, with my flaws. I'm no longer striving to become a perfect person. I'm great just the way I am.

And so are you!

I Love "Lars and the Real Girl"

I'm in one of the cycles for watching movies and TV shows. Sometimes I am in the reading cycle, and I devour text, but that time is not now.

Last night we searched Netflix for a comedy. Chuck, my husband, prefers comedies. He deals with enough drama and tragedy, sometimes violence, and often heartache, in his job as a firefighter. So I watch those genres alone when he's at work.

We finally settled on a comedy, "Lars and the Real Girl." It's a 2007 film, and neither of us had seen it. It stars Ryan Gosling, and a life sized doll.

I'm going to keep this short, because there are plenty of reviews and plot explanations for this movie on various websites.

Lars is a different kind of guy, one who sticks to himself at work and in his personal time. He lives in the garage-turned-apartment behind his brother and sister-in-law's home. His sister-in-law is pregnant, and she is worried that Lars doesn't get out enough. Lars turns down her repeated invitations to have dinner with them in their home, just a few yards from his door.

His cubicle mate at work tries to show him a site online that offers customizable sex dolls, and Lars doesn't really want to look at it, or hear about it.

What at first seems like a movie that will be a true comedy turns out to be a funny, but heartwarming film. I really enjoyed it.

I expected one thing, but got a total surprise. I expected Lars to be fed up and get the doll as a way to shut everyone up, as if to say, "Fine, you want me to have a girlfriend, HERE'S the girlfriend, you bunch of meddling jerks."

But that isn't the case, and the movie is a mix of laughter and surprising human kindness all the way through to the final scene.

As the credits rolled, I imagined how it would be to live in a world like the community that rallied around Lars.

If you're a thinker, a person who is interested in human interaction, the perplexing work of the mind, and one who dreams of a world filled with people who support and love one another, this movie is going to deliver.

Of course I'm not getting paid to write this review, by Netflix or anyone else.
This one was a winner in my opinion.

A Trip to the Southland

I don't want to minimize the love I have for Thanksgiving, so I'll begin with that.

We enjoyed great company and good food on Thanksgiving. We were blessed with several of Chuck's family members- Cindy and Dave, Colleen and Steve, and their son Charlie. My brother, Marty was here, and his friend Susie, and her kids Abbi and Calvin. I invited my friend Jennifer, and her kids Aiden and Tala because Jennifer's mom and sister had both moved away and she would have been alone. Sean was here, but Lilly wasn't.

The 7th of December Chuck, Sean and I flew to Tennessee. We celebrated Parsla's birthday, and did an early Christmas celebration with Jewel and Bjorn, and David and Grace.

Parsla loves her Uncle Sean.

We had a great time, as usual. I love going home for a visit.

We visited my dad, and we asked him to ride with us the next day to Roan Mountain. He was born there, and has all sorts of stories to tell about it. We spent the whole day driving around up there, and drove to the top of the Roan, to the state line of North Carolina there. Then we came back down the mountain and drove to some other places, and went another route across the North Carolina line.

On our way to the top of the Roan, the trees were covered in ice.

We had a great time with him, and we hope to go back when it's warmer so he can show us more on foot.

Our second day there, Jewel got the flu and was out of commission for a few days. But she was back on her feet thanks to Tamiflu, and the whole gang had fun at Bass Pro Shop's bowling alley for Parsla's birthday party. Every branch of the family tree was represented. It was so nice to see Myrna and Kyle, Tom and Jean, Brett and Jen, Josh and Megan, and Mike, and it was fun to walk around Bass Pro Shop. I'd never been to one.

I had no idea that Bass Pro Shop had a bowling alley. 

We visited the Gray Fossil Site and museum one day, but Sean wasn't that enthusiastic.

While we are in Tennessee we eat at several restaurants that aren't found in our area. One of them is the Golden Corral. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's OK. Dad wanted to take everyone out to eat while we were there, and although he preferred a nicer restaurant, they were all booked with parties for the holiday season. It worked out for all of us to meet at Golden Corral, or as dad says, "The Hog Trough." I think I get some of my cynicism from him. :-)
We like it because there is something for everyone. Sean is a bit picky about his food, but he can always find something at Golden Corral. And their dessert bar has a chocolate fountain that both Sean and Parsla love to dip marshmallows into.

The whole gang at the Hog Trough. But seriously, we
all enjoy eating there. 

Our final night in Tennessee we took Jewel, Bjorn and Parsla with us to Rocky Mount in Piney Flats for a candlelight tour. It's a living history museum, and we were welcomed to the home of the Cobb family for a 1791 Christmas celebration. They were hosting the Blount family, and Blount was trying to establish statehood.
Though I grew up not very far from Piney Flats, I had never been to Rocky Mount. We all had a good time there. We listened to a Christmas story in the slave quarters, told by an actor playing the part of a slave, about a girl who was the daughter of the inn keeper who let Mary and Joseph stay in the barn. Afterward there was a reception in the basement of the museum.

Jewel recognized the man playing Christmas music on a keyboard as one of her professors. We chatted, and he invited Sean to play some of the Christmas music he knows. He played Carol of the Bells, and Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies.

We toured the museum upstairs, too. I wish I had gotten good pictures there.

A couple of days before we were scheduled to come home, I got sick. I ended up going to Urgent Care to try to get well before getting on the plane. It didn't work. And I'm still not back to normal.
Chuck got it the next day, and we were both dragging ourselves through the airports to get home.
Sean didn't get it until we got home, thank goodness. And he is better now. Chuck and I are both still dealing with some weird thing with our ears.

It Ain't Easy Being Brown

I've had a little more than 12 years to prepare, but uncharacteristically for me, I've been in denial.

You see, I was thinking that if I raised my son to have manners, took him to church, surrounded him with people of good moral character, and made sure that he was learning, he would be just fine.

And maybe he will.

I'm white. I'm raising a brown child. His father and I are divorced, and he sees his father every week. His father believes that people who break the law should be held accountable, and so do I.

But what is happening in our country right now scares me.

I've been paying close attention lately.

I've been raising my brown son to make his own decisions, to think for himself, to question authority, and speak up for himself. I believe those are traits that will carry a person into adulthood, and make for a well-rounded individual. One who doesn't just believe everything he hears, or follows along just because someone says it's the thing to do.

This week I stopped in my tracks. I realized that I might have been doing this all wrong. What I thought would give him a great foundation for his future might be something that could get him killed.

My son is a typical pre-teen boy. He has a love of guns that I believe runs through his veins. My father loves guns, my oldest son loves guns, and my step-son also has a love of guns.

I thought my youngest son could be free to pursue his boyhood interests, to run amok like the boys in my neighborhood did when I was growing up, to get into some innocent mischief, because that's what builds great memories and it's how we learn. But it is also the thing that has me concerned.

I am still encouraging him to analyze, and think for himself, but I've begun serious conversations with him about how to behave. These conversations are different from the ones we've had in the past. Of course I've talked to him about manners, and his education has had grace and courtesy built into it, with handshakes and personal introductions the norm.

The instructions I'm giving him now are different. I knew his life would be different from my oldest kids who are white, but I didn't realize how different. I thought I could insulate him from bigotry and racism. I didn't want him to grow up thinking of himself as a victim, and I didn't want him to have a chip on his shoulder. I still don't. But, honestly, I didn't understand. I'm white.

While I still believe that if we all just obey the law, stay out of trouble, and stay away from people who want trouble, we will be fine, that isn't all there is to it for black and brown people.

Since the Michael Brown case in Ferguson I've been reading posts from a variety of people who tell the story of what it's like to be brown or black. Although I've noticed some of it myself as my son and I have been out in the world together, I haven't experienced it enough to understand. I'm still white.

I think back on some of the crazy things I did in my early 20s as a college student, and young adult with friends who were looking for fun, and it's a miracle that I came out of all of that unscathed. We never did anything intentionally bad, but we did some stuff.

Even if we had been caught, I don't think we would have gotten into a load of trouble. We were white. And it seems that in this country, if you're white, you are presumed innocent. A young white person out doing some things they aren't supposed to do can be seen as kids doing what kids do. A black or brown person in the same situation would be presumed guilty, and there isn't anything about a black kid doing something wrong that is fun and games. In this country, that is a life and death situation.

So I've begun a new education program with my son. New rules.

If you see a police officer: Do not run. Ever. Keep your hands where they can see them at all times. Do not make any sudden movements. Ask before reaching into a pocket, or otherwise moving your hands. Only speak when you are spoken to. Do not ask questions, other than "am I free to go," or "can I make a phone call."

You might be thinking ( if you are white), "Well, that's just common sense."

Yes. It is.

I've already talked to my son about making good decisions, and staying away from people who make bad ones. I didn't know how else to say it except to just say it, so I told him that if he is with a group of white friends who decide to do something he knows is wrong, but they all think it will be fun, or funny, and they get caught, he is the one who will be in trouble.

I explained that the white kids might get in trouble, but it is almost a certainty that he will. And it sucks, but it's just the way it is, so the best thing to do is leave that group as soon as he knows what is happening. I told him to use me as an excuse.

Now, maybe you're thinking that is also just common sense. But think back on your youth and the things you've done. Kids do stupid stuff.

And maybe you can't imagine it, but try. Imagine you are a white kid, and you are innocently hanging out with your friends playing Airsoft war in your yard. You have your headphones in, listening to your favorite song, really loud, and you have your Airsoft gun in your hands. A police car pulls up because a neighbor complained that you were shooting guns.
What do you imagine the police officer will do when you don't respond to him or her trying to talk to you?

Now try to imagine you are a black kid in that scenario. What do you think the officer's response will be?

Recently there were a lot of gun enthusiasts carrying their guns into stores to push the open carry issue. And though there were some people on social media pushing back on that, and threatening to boycott those stores that allowed people to come in carrying guns, that's about as bad as it got.

I kept wondering what would happen if the gun enthusiasts were black guys.

Imagine that for a moment. You're in a store, maybe even working there as a cashier, or a manager, and a large group of black guys in camo, with guns strapped to their backs walk into Target, or Home Depot.

Think on that for a moment.

Hmm.

I know this is just one more thing out there in the cyberworld about race, and today I saw a comment to a post that said, "Please. Not another story whining about racism. We're all equal!" And all I could think was, "Of course. Because you're white."

I'm only beginning to understand what black and brown people deal with every day, but I know that I will never fully understand either.

I'm white, and that will never change. I just hope that within my brown child's lifetime this country will.

But What About Socialization??

I spend my days homeschooling.

I really love to teach my child. He enjoys learning at home, and he is thriving.

But there are so many myths and misunderstandings about homeschooling, so I thought I would put this out there in the blogosphere to clear up some of the biggest myths and assumptions I've heard.

These range from "those kids just sit at home and watch TV all day," to "the poor things are stuck in the house without any opportunity to socialize."

I am certain that there are some parents who homeschool because they think it's going to be easy. And I am certain that there are a very few, and I mean very few, because honestly, I don't know any, who allow their children to just sit in front of the TV all day.

I'm also certain that there are some who don't want their kids around other kids, and therefore their children really are stuck in the house without any opportunity to socialize. Well, sort of. I think even those families have an occasional opportunity to socialize. Church, family events, grocery store, library, something. And though I know one such family, it is only ONE of a whole lot of homeschooling families.

We can debate what is and isn't enough socialization, but I'd like to put forth the idea that socialization means different things to different people.

It's definitely the hot button topic for both those who have an opinion, but aren't homeschooling, and those who are homeschooling.

First, I don't think sitting in a classroom of 25+ kids who are your same age is true socialization. I don't think the Middle School experience that my older kids endured, nor the experience I've heard through friends and groups is true socialization, nor is it, in my opinion, healthy socialization. And as far as I'm concerned, I'm not so sure about high school, either. My own experience, and that of my older children, and adults I've spoken with, was not what I would call a real social experience. And from what I hear, it's not gotten any better with time. I've heard the debates about what those experiences can teach us.

My definition of true and healthy socialization includes opportunities to converse, spend time, and collaborate with people of all backgrounds, ethnicities, faiths, ages and socio-economic status. It includes disagreements, and opportunities to negotiate, compromise, and find ways to work out problems. That is my definition of true socialization. And that is what I strive for in our homeschool experience.

Sometimes we fall short. The age ranges aren't always as diverse as I would like. Ultimately I'd like my child to spend time with some kids of all ages, some adults, and some teenagers and older adults as well. We have a pretty diverse group of friends. We, ourselves would fit the "diverse" label. We have friends of various ethnicity and background. We seem to be missing out on the teen group, but Sean gets that in other places, like church and when he spends time at his dad's house.

But here's the crux of what I want to get out there to dispel these myths and assumptions and misunderstandings.

Homeschoolers do socialize. We, as in Sean and I, have so many social opportunities that I have to sometimes turn some of them down or we would never get a day of school. I've heard from others who say the same thing. This is especially true when our regular schooled friends are on holiday breaks.

There are also a lot of collaborative opportunities, and I have to constantly decide if they are going to enhance or detract from our lesson plan.

Our lesson plan might not look like a traditional lesson plan, but it is ours. Not everyone does use one, and that is OK.  Homeschoolers use all kinds of curriculum. We happen to use a Montessori curriculum, but no one else in our social circle does. We know some people who use the public homeschool curriculum, others use a religious one, still others unschool, and some have cobbled together a variety of curricula to have what works for their children.

The other myth about TV all day, well that has been a topic of discussion in some online groups lately. You might be surprised to hear that some homeschooling families allow their children a couple of hours a day of TV, others allow 30 minutes, some use a bit of educational programming, and some don't even have a television. Hmm. Sounds pretty much like the general population, huh?

The beauty of homeschooling is that no homeschool looks like another. We homeschoolers do what works for us, and share ideas and tips, but we all follow our own way.

Fortunately, we live in an area where there is a large community of homeschoolers, and for that reason, our community at large is supportive. We take advantage of a lot of the classes and group activities for homeschoolers here. There are outdoor science classes, art, and local history classes. We've even hosted one ourselves that teaches outdoor skills and conservation. We've met new friends by hosting that class on our property.

But I also have the benefit of online groups. I am in several Facebook groups for Montessori homeschooling, and some for homeschooling in general. As a homeschooling mom it can be overwhelming, and lonely. I've found the online community to be such a blessing for me. When I first embarked on this journey, Sean was a first grader, and I was able to connect with a Montessori homeschool group on yahoo that saved me. Really. I was clueless, but that year I learned so much about the philosophy and curriculum.

This week Sean will be socializing during the class we host here, and after that class we both will socialize with the families. We will probably collaborate on some science with one friend.

And he will also have some screen time, though he doesn't watch TV by choice. He prefers Netflix, and video games. I limit both, and neither are allowed until school work is finished.

So that's a little glimpse into how we socialize, and how we deal with TV. And now I will get back to my research on the politics and government of Ancient Greece, gather more Greek root words and definitions, and study the Pythagoran Theorum for tomorrow's presentations. See how that all flows together? Ancient Greece (History), Greek root words (language),  Pythagoran Theorum (Pythagorus was Greek) and a math lesson.

This really is fun.

Epic Field Trip

Wow, I went MIA there for a while.

We've been super busy, and we were out of town for a while in September. Here's why:

Grand Geyser at Yellowstone National Park.

We stayed at River Rock Lodge, in Big Sky, Montana. It was about an hour from the West Entrance of Yellowstone. We spent three days there, and Yellowstone was as beautiful as I remembered.

From Wyoming we were headed to Idaho for a stop at Craters of the Moon.

Volcanic rock.

Indian Tunnel, one of the lava tubes.

Two happy kids hiking back from a great adventure.

Back to the van, and onward. Next stop: A ghost town called Silver City.

15 miles of dirt, rutted, rocky road back to the main highway, and we were off to Oregon to see the John Day Fossil Beds.

Sean loved the microscope at the Thomas Condon Paleontology Center.

A leaf fossil we saw in a boulder on a trail.

Might as well round out this trip about volcanoes and stop off at Mt. St. Helens on the way home, huh?

Sean and Lilly were interested in the seismograph. Any movement on the floor caused the needle to move.

By the time we arrived at Mt. St. Helens the kids were really ready to be home. We didn't stay very long, just long enough to look around the visitor's center. Informative, by the way. And I heard there has been increased activity there. Yikes.